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(56 Posts)
boringbetty Sat 06-Jan-18 18:49:53

AIBU or am I rightly annoyed.

Me and DP have been talking about getting engaged for a while. On Christmas Eve he tells me he has ordered a ring . Today postman knocks on with parcel he goes to collect it . I am expecting a delivery too but nothing is said so I get all excited because I know it was the ring that came.

Had a lovely day out today with DS. Just got home an hour ago and DP turns around and says so when do you want it ??
Now maybe I have been watching to many soppy films but I expected more than that. I really don't know if I should be pissed off or not .

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney Sat 06-Jan-18 18:52:44

He wants to get engaged to you, you want to get engaged to him. What does it matter if it’s up the Empire State Building or at the dining or kictchen table. It’s not about a ring it’s about planning the rest of your life together.

boringbetty Sat 06-Jan-18 18:54:53

I know . I don't want a fancy proposal or anything I'm over the moon to do it at home but I mean the wording of it

stillHereAgain Sat 06-Jan-18 18:56:25

What would be acceptable?

boringbetty Sat 06-Jan-18 18:58:46

Well the bare minimum "will you marry me" . I don't know. Just the "when do you want it" was not was I was expecting

Whisky2014 Sat 06-Jan-18 18:59:34

My experience was EXACTLY the same. I badgered him, he told me he had bought it, postie rang and I signed the parcel. I just knew it was the ring. Where our experience differ is that my bf became very nervous, didn't know what to do, was also excited and then came to me with a lovely wee speech and the got down one knee. Irlt was very emotional actually.
I would have been really disappointed if he had done it like your partner has. BUT if you now have the ring I would let it slide and start telling people! This is the exciting bit and pick a date too! Congratulations!

ThePinkPanter Sat 06-Jan-18 18:59:57

What did you say back?

TheQueenOfWands Sat 06-Jan-18 19:01:40

Yeah, too many romantic movies.

I haven't seen any romantic movies. I thought Glenn cutting Maggie's ring off a zombie was romantic.

Just tell him what you want and where.

MrsMaxwell Sat 06-Jan-18 19:01:47


Whatever anyone on here says.

StarlitTrees Sat 06-Jan-18 19:02:03

I agree with you Betty. Getting engaged is a very special moment in your life - even if you are expecting it.
Would be nice for him to tell you he loves you and to ask if you will marry him.

I don't get the PP comments. OP isn't asking for the Empire State Building! She's just asking for at least a minimum amount of romance during a display of love! Not too much to expect surely? hmm

KarmaStar Sat 06-Jan-18 19:02:09

Get the candles lit,dress in something you love hand him the box and smile and say something like"here you are then,ill await the magic words"?
💜💜🌼🌼 good exciting,congratulations

OakIsBetterTho Sat 06-Jan-18 19:02:32

I know it shouldn't really matter but that's pants, I'd be very disappointed. Like you say a simple 'will you marry me!' would suffice at this stage. That being said, it's unimportant in the grand scheme of things. What is important is that you love each other and want to be married to each other. If generally he's not a bad egg, I'd let this one slide I think.

Littlecaf Sat 06-Jan-18 19:02:42

Say to him, “at some point in the next 2 weeks, surprise me with a little proposal” Call him a Wally and think about the rest of lives.

Rebeccaslicker Sat 06-Jan-18 19:03:45

I would be a bit disappointed, yes.

But look at the threads on here alone where posters are so keen to get married and zilch. You've found someone you're happy with and vice versa and he's bought you a ring - don't let it get off on the wrong foot too much, it's a minor thing in the scheme of the rest of your lives together really!

boringbetty Sat 06-Jan-18 19:05:21

Well obviously I went the childish route of pretending I didn't know what he was talking about and left him to deal with DS while I jumped in the bath with a glass of wine . So I've not actually seen the ring yet . I'm crossing my fingers for a rerun when DS goes to bed

khaleesi71 Sat 06-Jan-18 19:05:22

My inner child would feel a bit let down. Yes it's something you both want but if he can't bother his ass to make some occasion of it then I might feel that he's feeling a bit 'meh'. That said, he could be nervous and/or an emotional fuckwit who can't cope with the emotional intensity of it. In which case you'll need to hold hands and work through a 'proposal' together - which is what the marriage is actually about. It's my 20+ wedding anniversary today - be in it for the long haul and not the hallmark moments thanks good luck and (hopeful) congrats

Goldfishshoals Sat 06-Jan-18 19:18:22

Asking 'will you marry me?' seems a bit redundant once you've agreed to get married to me. When he told you he was getting the ring on Christmas Eve wasn't that the romantic moment?

Anyway, at the end of the day if you want to marry him you should be able to be honest with him and just tell him what you want! It sounds like he was asking for cues from you.

hungryhippo90 Sat 06-Jan-18 19:22:25

I get this. He’s done the hard bit buying the ring, all he needs to do is ask.... so close!

Loyaultemelie Sat 06-Jan-18 19:23:20

Hmmm I got "so when are we getting married then?" shouted from the kitchen as he fried a steak for himself thinking that was a good thing because I was pregnant with dd1 and smells made me throw up. This was in November and he gave me the ring (his late Mums which we had agreed on as it had more meaning) on New Years Day and did say he loved me then though.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sat 06-Jan-18 19:26:48

I get annoyed with women being passive and wanting a grand proposal to show off about but Yanbu. It wouldn’t kill him to present it over dinner with “I love you and am looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together”.

IrritatedUser1960 Sat 06-Jan-18 19:34:29

At least you got a ring, I got fuck all in two marriages.

boringbetty Sat 06-Jan-18 19:56:08

So DS is in bed now we are cooking dinner. Nothing more has been said about it but we keep smirking at each other and giggling . I think he is very nervous but I'm hoping I will be asked properly this evening .

Badgerloco Sat 06-Jan-18 19:58:27

My first husband did the same, it really soured things for me. Current dh put a lot more effort ina and I’ll remember what he said forever.
If I were you i’d cook a nice meal, get dressed up and give him the wink that’s it’s a good time.
However, My lovely dad threw a diary at my mum and said “pick a date babe” they have been very happily married for nearly 60 years, so I’m not sure it always matters too much.

g1itterati Sat 06-Jan-18 19:59:43

Are you sure he didn't mean something else OP, like a cup of tea maybe?

Does he actually know that you knew the ring had been delivered? I do think that's odd yes. Could he not have gone to pick it up secretly or had it delivered elsewhere?

It is nice to be surprised yes, but some men obviously don't get it. Maybe he's shy? FGS if you're going to do it, get down on one knee (to be on the safe side) or at least do / say something meaningful. It's not that hard is it - as a one off?

flutterby12 Sat 06-Jan-18 20:00:47

Please let us know how you get on grin

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