Please can anybody help me ? I’m desperate.
My backstory first, my ex h was arrested 3 yrs ago for DV, we are now divorced, iv been through the worst divorce and was left with huge debts, so its killed me to stay afloat since.
My younger ds has learning diff and autism, but over years has made huge improvements he is now 18.
We’ve always been close, for most of his life I have been his 24/7 carer, he still has relationship with his dad who very controlling over him, both my boys struggled after dh left but youngest the most, he just went into fits of rage, so cutting story short I killed myself to get him counselling therapy for a year or more 2/3 times a week funded by me as dad wasn’t interested, but it really helped. He seemed a lot better. But over the last 12 months his aggression has grown & grown towards both myself & my eldest son , mainly me.
I suffer serious health issues and really haven’t been well, he knows this, he’s very demanding of my attention and his dad seems to just get the good side of him with the troubled side left to me.
He started to sort of emulate my ex dh controlling intimidating behaviours and I know now I failed there as I gave in to him forgave him and it’s now just grown to a sense of entitlement over me.
I tried with ever ounce of my soul to love and support him the best I could thinking that getting out of my marriage & showing him a normal loving fearless home Would be better.
Things have escalated and he took off the other morning at me, after I got up at 6am to prep his lunch for work, he then just took off and left for work. He works with his father another long story.
But he’d got the day wrong despite my telling him I didn’t think dad re-opened until today.
So He had to make his way home, but was pissed I didn’t go to pick him up. I instead paid the taxi as I wasn’t great especially after his morning outburst on me.
That afternoon he’s getting ready to go out with my eldest when he erupts again I’m in the firing line, I don’t even recall why? But in a nut shell he threatened to kill me, really threatened called me all sorts of painful things I just can’t forget then my elder son gets involved to try to stop him going at me, after an hour of abuse he left with my son I just wanted him out, after which I just fell to the floor in a heap devastated, I felt numb I couldn’t understand why he hated me so much.
On his return he stayed in his room silence until yesterday Evening.
I’d gone to bed just feeling so poorly and drained & he’d been out at the gym with eldest.
Suddenly at 10.30 I’m woken by my eldest screaming for me to get up. He said they had gotten into a fight which resulted in him attacking my eldest, he told him he only speaks to him to use him for what he’s good for?
Soon after in walks younger one and they start up again, then he turns to me in my face and started again at me he wants to kill me I’m a bitch he hates me etc etc he’s waving his hands in my face I’m pinned to the wall with him towering over me. Just like his father exactly like his father.
He turned to my eldest and said “that’s what you do! how you deal with her” that’s what she needs the fuckin bitch. To get told.
I told him iv had enough I’m selling house he’s going to live with his father as he hates me so much. Something I never thought I’d ever say.
He refused with “this is my fuckin house and I’ll stay were I want! You C...
I have no contact with his father, and he will do anything he can to ruin my life so I can’t go to him, I also know he can’t survive alone due to difficulties and I just feel trapped and honestly do not know what to do?
Can anybody advise? I feel completely broken I don’t have anybody else to turn to,his family was my family and they turned on me when I divorced him and got the police. My parents live miles away, they say he’s got to go before he hurts me.
I feel like such a bad person wanting him to leave but I know I’m going through the same nightmare again I had with ex.
18 years it took me to wake up & leave and now it’s as if my son has taken his place.
Please be gentle I’m honestly at breaking point and have no we’re to turn.
Sorry for long story.
AIBU?
AIBU “asking my son to leave? Plz help!
Pandamanda3 · 04/01/2018 12:53
Oh god how awful 
I was so angry reading that on your behalf.
I agree. Call the police. He needs a sharp lesson on what happens to males who abuse women.
And when you've called the police, change the locks, pack his bags and dump them outside.
This abusive bastard doesn't deserve even an inch of aoqce in your home.
Even if ex is conditioning him, that's not your fault. He leaves, now.
But no. You're not a bad person for wanting him to leave.
Not at all.
Please call the police. It sounds like you're in genuine danger.
I agree with all the advice above. I'd also suggest you get counselling as it doesn't sound as though you have processed the emotional fall-out of living in an abusive relationship for years. Your boundaries are poor and you're falling into a pattern of being a victim and feeling powerless.
To be clear, your DS is victimising you but you aren't powerless and you can enforce strong boundaries by calling the police, putting him out, etc. You need more confidence in your own decisions and counselling could help with that.
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This is so awful, you poor soul. You've done your best and then some.
Call it a day now and get the police involved.
It's not a good household for anyone to live in when there is such
terrible abuse, op.
Time to look out for yourself now, you know you need help to do that so
start the ball rolling today and ring the police.
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