My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

In thinking it’s too soon for DD to be trying for a baby

331 replies

WinterAx · 30/12/2017 22:31

My DD is getting married in September 2018 and whilst chatting today she mentioned how excited her and DF are to have a baby. When I mentioned this would not be for a while yet, she said they hope it’ll be shortly after their marriage if they’re lucky!

I have to admit I do feel a little disappointed. DD is only 24 and it seems such a young age to be intentionally trying for a baby. Her DF is quite a bit older (33) and I wonder this could be the cause of the sudden urgency. They’re a lovely couple, been together for 4 years, own a home together and have well paid jobs...so technically there is nothing wrong with it. I just feel it’s a huge waste of her younger years when she has plenty of time to think about having children.

I don’t want to upset her, but I also can’t help but want to give her my opinion. AIBU? Hearing your opinions and personal experiences would really help here!

OP posts:
Report
TheNewSchmoo · 30/12/2017 22:32

Absolutely none of your business.

Report
peachgreen · 30/12/2017 22:33

I get where you're coming from (and I'd feel the same) but ultimately she's an adult in a stable long-term relationship and it's her decision alone.

Report
PurpleDaisies · 30/12/2017 22:33

It’s none of your business. If she wants kids now and they’re in a good position to support one, butt out. There’s no way that conversation ends happily.

Report
Littlecaf · 30/12/2017 22:33

YABU. Please don’t tell her that. It’s her choice to make.

Report
CheekyRedhead · 30/12/2017 22:33

Her decision not yours. Yabu

Report
RemainOptimistic · 30/12/2017 22:34

What age would it be acceptable for her to try for a baby?

I can understand the shock and emotions you're feeling but do take some time to calm down, YABU.

Report
EvilDoctorHogmanayDuck · 30/12/2017 22:35

I was pregnant with DS1 when I was 22. Xmas HmmXmas Biscuit

Report
Bebepoor · 30/12/2017 22:35

I got together with DH age 22 and he was 32. Married at 26/36. First baby at 30/40.

I LOVED those first four years of married life. Lovely house, loads of disposable income, 4 holidays a year. Brilliant. Now things are qually brilliant but in a different way.

But, my friends who had their first babies at 25 are now finished and will have their lives back much sooner.

Report
Capelin · 30/12/2017 22:35

Do you have a good, close relationship with your DD? If so I think it would be ok for you to very gently mention that you’ve always thought it’s lovely to just be married for a couple of years before starting a family. But then say that of course you know it’s her decision and leave it there.

Report
YellowMakesMeSmile · 30/12/2017 22:35

I'd be worried too but ultimately her choice and you can only guide her.

If worry that she was being pressured into it given his age and that the age gap may cause issues later on. He must be her first serious partner given her age so realistically the chances of it lasting are slim and she's the one likely to be left with the baby.

Report
Merryoldgoat · 30/12/2017 22:35

Sounds great. I'm on DS2 now at 39. Is have loved to have children earlier but didn't meet the right person until later.

It's really not any of your business, especially as you yourself say they're a nice couple, happy and will have been together about 5 years by the time they get married. Not really much rushing there so far as I can see.

Report
Bobbiepin · 30/12/2017 22:36

YABU, its her choice and if you want to start this whole process off with being unsupportive then expect to not be involved with the child. I couldn't have a grandparent be that involved if I'm reminded constantly that said grandparent didn't want my baby to exist.

Report
Ullupullu · 30/12/2017 22:36

Um, YABU! 24 is not ridiculously young to have a baby. With any luck they will love having kids and then get to enjoy their lives/careers even more as the kids are older and more independent.

Report
DotCottonDotCom · 30/12/2017 22:36

I had mine at 22 and I’d totally change everything if I was to do it again.

But trust me when a woman wants to TTC you’ve got no chance of getting through to her. Maternal mode is fully switched on

Report
CrossFreelancer · 30/12/2017 22:37

ShockShe is an adult. It's her business, decision and life. 24, so she will be 25 when she marries next year? 25 is not that young to be starting a family.

Report
AlonsosLeftPinky · 30/12/2017 22:37

It's absolutely none of your business. Your DD is a grown adult, soon to be married. You've no right at all to give her your uninvited opinion on when she should have children.

Report
CorbynsBumFlannel · 30/12/2017 22:38

I'd say in your mid twenties in a long term relationship where you are both in well paid jobs would be pretty much the textbook ideal time to start trying for a baby Confused
Your assuming it will happen quickly. It took me 4 years with dh and I was only 20.

Report
Bambamber · 30/12/2017 22:38

YABU

24 is young, but not extremely young. They sound like they're in the ideal position to start trying for a baby. What would you have her do instead?

I had my baby just a couple of years older than her and couldn't be happier.

Report
user1471451355 · 30/12/2017 22:38

Of course YABU.

Report
AlonsosLeftPinky · 30/12/2017 22:39

@Yellow

They've been together for 4 years and are getting married. Not really anything to suggest their relationship won't last.

Report
NapQueen · 30/12/2017 22:39

When I mentioned this would not be for a while yet

Hahahahahahaahahahahahaha!


Like its something you can control. Bless.

Report
Hobbes8 · 30/12/2017 22:39

I had my kids in my mid 30s, and I'm 40 now and they're still little. Which is fine, but I know people my age who had them young and are out the other side of child rearing by my age. There's pros and cons to each, but it ultimately comes down to when you me t the right person and feel ready, which it seems like she has.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Fairylea · 30/12/2017 22:39

I expected this to be about someone aged 17 or something!

24, been in a relationship for 4 years, getting married..?! Perfectly normal!

I had my dd aged 23 and then had my son aged 31. I don’t regret having dd when I did at all.

Report
GrockleBocs · 30/12/2017 22:40

She could easily be 26 before a baby arrives. She'll be fine.

Report
19lottie82 · 30/12/2017 22:41

So if she did fall pregnant on their honeymoon, by the time baby arrives she would be almost, or already turned 26? Does that make you feel any better OP?

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.