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(106 Posts)
YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan Fri 29-Dec-17 07:55:50

Planning this has been a horrible experience. I'm a single parent with a single salary coming in and I just can't afford to spend a fortune on it.

There was already a row as people wanted to spend £75+ per child on the party with suggestions of a formal evening do at a local castle and hiring a funfair etc. The people wanting to spend more are all couples with dual salary coming in and have said they can afford this so this is what they want to spend.

Several people including me said it was a ridiculous amount to spend and pushed for £25 max and offered cheap alternatives. We can have a local hall for free and do the usual party games and disco with pizzas and snacky food from a takeaway nearby. This wasn't special enough and too boring for their children. Or we could go to a local trampoline/bowling etc venue with one activity and the usual burger and chips type meal. The people who wanted to spend more slated this idea as their children go to local trampoline/bowling places regularly so it's not special or different enough for their children.

It was left that the various options would be explored and a final plan drawn up around the £25 a head mark. I was called pathetic and accused of spoiling things by those who can afford it as apparently I'm not willing to compromise. Not quite sure how I can compromise when personal finances mean I just can't justify spending £75+ on a children's party.

My job is seasonal and goes seriously mental in December. I've put long hours in at work so I've not been on Facebook much and hadn't noticed posts in the group. It wasn't until I noticed a demand for money yesterday that I realised the final plans have been drawn up.

A themed bus has been booked which is different and more expensive to the one that was originally suggested. This will take them to a venue an hours drive away where they can choose a leisure activitie and have some food. The people who can't afford to spend more will then leave while the children who can afford it will stay and do further activities. The cost is £35 a head.

AIBU in feeling annoyed by this? It's going to cost me more than I agreed to pay, I don't see the point in travelling all that way just to do trampolining or bowling when they can do that within a few miles of home and I'm really really narked by the two tier system with an extended party for those who can afford to pay more.

OP’s posts: |
KiteMarked Fri 29-Dec-17 08:49:44

Horrible behaviour. Can you organise a private party for just your child's friends and forget the snobs party?

Why aren't they holding it at the school, anyway?! It should be about memories made there, surely.

ClashCityRocker Fri 29-Dec-17 08:50:28

Ffs when I was wee we just had a little bop and party food in the school hall.

Redisthemagicolour Fri 29-Dec-17 08:52:31

Our school has a leaving party at the school. Red carpet, dressed up, awards (for all sorts of things not jut academic). Cost to parents - £0. Ok some children got new dresses/outfits but there was no pressure to do anything more than wear something reasonable like any party. Kids had the best time.

Fatarseflanagan09 Fri 29-Dec-17 08:52:56

Leaving parties for primary school kids, baby showers, proms, pamper parties for eight year olds, cake smashes or whatever they're called, no wonder kids are growing up entitled, what a load of pretentious bollocks.

grasspigeons Fri 29-Dec-17 08:55:42

How deeply unpleasant to specifically organise a two tier event based on income so all the poor kids can be dragged away from THEIR party before its finished - or their parents have to switch the heating off and skip meals for a few weeks to let them stay at their own leaving party.

I bet you can not wait to never see some of them again.

our school did a picnic in the field for their leavers but then our school 50% of the children are on pupil premium. The wealthier children coped with it not being a mega day out.

shhhfastasleep Fri 29-Dec-17 08:56:18

We're hiring a room and a dj. All parents bring a bit of food. The kids wear what they'd wear to a school disco. A tenner each and any parent who is a bit short of cash, we sort it between us. That's what the parents have done every year for ages. All the other stuff mentioned here sounds batshit crazy.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken Fri 29-Dec-17 08:56:24

last year we had a party in the school grounds with a bbq, done by one of the parents, a bouncy slide, mocktail bar and photo booth which the kids set up themselves, and water pistol fights. I think we paid £12.50 each which included a photo book and the kids had a riot

This sounds brilliant !

allthgoodusernamesaretaken Fri 29-Dec-17 08:57:36

Back to OP

The people who can't afford to spend more will then leave while the children who can afford it will stay and do further activities

That sounds horrible, but I expect most people won't go for it, so the plan will be changed

FestiveNinja Fri 29-Dec-17 08:57:43

Kids don’t need OTT parties when leaving primary school.
Luckily I live in an area with sane parents so cannot imagine them organising anything more fancy than a school disco.
Presumably, this party is for next July?
Plenty of time for plans to be changed.

Payfrozen Fri 29-Dec-17 08:58:01

I have noticed the whole primary leavers fest ramping up over the years. When DC4 left last year there was a trip, a show, a prom style party (disco in school hall funded by pta tbf). It all went on and on.

When the last day of school finally arrived it was like some cult mass hysteria with kids and adults crying. You"d have thought someone had died rather than than year 6 who without a doubt had outgrown primary, simply moving on to nice secondary.

DC4 came out saying "I dont want to leave." I said cheerfully "i can ask Mrs headteacher if you can come back next year?." He laughed and we went to get an icecream.

OP i am sorry you are in that position. IMO they dont need the party at all nevermind an expensive one. £35 is a lot of money and YANBU.

The one comfort is that you wont need to see or have much to do with these parents next year. Its very different at secondary thankfully.

Toomanycats99 Fri 29-Dec-17 09:02:45

In our school the pta pay for a trip to the theatre for y6. The leavers party is in a local hall to hire. We will do food ourselves and there will be a dj.

Quietvoiceplease Fri 29-Dec-17 09:02:49

This is vile.
In terms of a primary school leaving party, the organisers have gifted their children with some great life lessons: that excluding people because they have less money is OK; that over-ruling the needs (not wants, but needs) of those with less money is OK.
How on earth has the HT sanctioned a celebration like this?

My experience of primary school parties is that the children want to all be together in a hall (preferably the school one, as that is where their memories lie), be given pizza and sweets, loud music and scope to run around. Job done, probably less than a fiver per head.

Please, please call out the organisers and complain to the school.

Smoothyloopy Fri 29-Dec-17 09:03:42

They don't even leave for another 7 months. My DD is in year 6 & no one's even mentioned a leavers party yet. It didn't even occur to me to think about it this early!

NapQueen Fri 29-Dec-17 09:04:35

75quid a head!? I didnt even spend that on my wedding.


TabbyMumz Fri 29-Dec-17 09:05:02

How ridiculous. Ours had a disco in the school hall. We paid nothing. They all ran around having bags of fun and came out soaking from sweat but happy.

billybagpuss Fri 29-Dec-17 09:05:35

Is it 'the school' organising it or a 'parent group'. I've come across this situation before when the lower disposable income group got in touch with the head who well and truly put her foot down and they had a trip on an open top bus followed by a party at school.

It has got well and truly out of hand and the pp who said that she can see both sides that it should be 'special' for all kids so the higher income people should be able to do more - this is rubbish, they are 11, a traditional party to bid farewell to the school and friends going elsewhere is more than sufficient.

WizardOfToss Fri 29-Dec-17 09:06:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thedietstartsnow Fri 29-Dec-17 09:07:02

Have you got the heads email? I know for a fact the head at our school would not allow the head,explain you can't afford it ,explain about the 2 tire system...any decent head will nip it in the bud and do a school disco x

justmatureenough2bdad Fri 29-Dec-17 09:09:52

surely though, setting aside whether or not yoi think the principle of an expensive leaving party is right/good/necessary... tou are all adult involved.. it sounds like a healthy and reasonable consultation was carried out and a compromise reached... some people wanted more, some less... a solution in the middle (towards the lower end) was reached... yabu to assume that your upper limit should be the defining parameter for this event. yanbu to be frustrated at the personal expense. ywbu to denigrate or deride othet parents who are willing to spend more money on their children at such a key transition period in their lives... that's their decision like it or not

Wh0KnowsWhereTheTimeG0es Fri 29-Dec-17 09:09:56

YANBU. I helped organise one last summer, hired the local church hall, a parent ran a photo booth, kids did water fights and games in the garden and we got pizza, crisps and squash plus “bucks fizz” (orange juice and lemonade), cost £5 a head, it was a great party.

Trb17 Fri 29-Dec-17 09:09:57

Ridiculous! YANBU.

DD’s Primary threw the Y6 kids a disco in the school hall and ordered dominoes pizza with a DJ making it special.

Flashy parents organised limos & carriages to bring their kids. Normal parents let the kids walk with friends grin

All kids had a ball and, aside from a new party outfit, we spent nothing.

Aworldofmyown Fri 29-Dec-17 09:10:00

You need to get the school involved, these parents are being incredibly selfish.

Trb17 Fri 29-Dec-17 09:10:47

Disco, DJ and pizza all paid for by School btw

hiyasminitsme Fri 29-Dec-17 09:11:06

That's crazy. At the (private) school my daughter goes to we bring in the year 6 leavers party at under £20 per head and people still complain!

zen1 Fri 29-Dec-17 09:11:43

YANBU. I don't get where all these fancy ideas for primary school leaving parties have suddenly come from. When DC2 left last year, we all just met up in the local park after school and people brought their own picnics. It meant all siblings could come too, people could come and go as they pleased and the children could run around and let off steam. If it were me, I wouldn't go, but I understand that you may not want your DC to miss out. It is especially horrible for them to arrange something where people who can't afford to do more activities have to leave early.

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