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Did I get this wrong?

(171 Posts)
goldengimbas Mon 18-Dec-17 19:14:08

Name changes as very outing
I have organised the Secret Santa this year, we have 32 staff and the limit was £3
I draw out the names three weeks ago and gave them out so everyone happy
We have two members of staff who have just had babies so I'd decided rather then giving them someone to buy for I would just get them something and put them in the pile, then they are not having to worry about choosing and buying something for a member of staff but they would still l have a present themselves.
This morning my manager aged asked me to explain why I had done it and when I explained that I thought they might be a bit busy so I was quite happy to do a present for them both. I got told it was not fair and they should have been given a name and I have made them both feel awful (actually spoke to one of the staff in question when they bobbed in last week end explained what I had done and they thanked me for doing it as they are so busy and overwhelmed right now).
I was told to take out the two presents for them as other staff would not think it was fair, I thought who else on the staff would know anyway.
I can't do right for doing wrong

Pengggwn Mon 18-Dec-17 19:16:16

Bit patronising, weren't you? You couldn't just have asked them?

taratill Mon 18-Dec-17 19:17:31

I think you should have asked them if they wanted your help rather than assuming. Having a baby doesn't make you incompetent.

I can see you were trying to be helpful but I think you have missed the mark somewhat. Sorry.

Sirzy Mon 18-Dec-17 19:18:39

It was obviously done with good intention but I don’t get why you didn’t just ask them if they wanted to take part!

goldengimbas Mon 18-Dec-17 19:18:55

Sorry I should have included this- major drip feed
They only had the babies a week and 4 days before before i did the santas and one of the babies had been premature and the other had been born with a life limiting disability so I did not really want to bother them about secret santa presents but I did not want them to feel left out

SundaySalon Mon 18-Dec-17 19:19:36

You should of asked. They have a baby, they can still order a secret Santa gift online/ pick up chocolates. I would feel excluded if you did this to me..

Sirzy Mon 18-Dec-17 19:19:42

From the added information I would have thought a cheap secret Santa present was the least of their worries tbh!

Pengggwn Mon 18-Dec-17 19:19:50

Well, we live and learn.

theimportanceofbeinghappy Mon 18-Dec-17 19:19:52

See this is the problem nowadays OP, you do something to the helpful and this is how people react.

I sometimes wonder about the state of the world when this sort of thing warrants a "chat" in work.

Next year tell them to ram their decree santa up their arse

theimportanceofbeinghappy Mon 18-Dec-17 19:20:17

Secret not decree

DancingHouse Mon 18-Dec-17 19:20:26

Did you ask them how/if they wanted to be involved?

tulippa Mon 18-Dec-17 19:20:43

Have they literally just had babies or have they just returned from mat leave? If the latter I'm sure they'd be capable of buying their own presents. I would feel awkward being given a present without buying one myself.

SundaySalon Mon 18-Dec-17 19:20:43

**have asked

RhodaBorrocks Mon 18-Dec-17 19:20:51

Is secret Santa compulsory in your office? It's always been something I've had to sign up to and I wouldn't do it if I was too busy. If they signed up for it you made a bit of an assumption on their part. If it's compulsory you should have still asked them what they wanted to do.

goldengimbas Mon 18-Dec-17 19:21:56

They had literary just had the babies- see my drip feed post

Chocolate254 Mon 18-Dec-17 19:22:22

You didnt do anything wrong, Sounded like you were being very kind actually.

clappityclap Mon 18-Dec-17 19:23:14

I think you were just being kind and thoughtful. It's £3 not £30, manager is a prat.

Amanduh Mon 18-Dec-17 19:23:30

You absolutely were not in the wrong OP. A week after giving birth to ill babies if they even gave the office £3 secret santa a second thought and it made them feel excluded even though you'd got them a present it's bloody ridiculous. You were doing a nice thing. Usually we'd have a 'i've had a baby a week ago and some bint from the office is hassling me about the £3 secret bloody santa how insensitive can she be' thread.

foodfrax Mon 18-Dec-17 19:23:48

Aren’t they on mat leave? Anyway I think you were just trying to be nice! smile

LemonScentedStickyBat Mon 18-Dec-17 19:24:56

I would have done exactly the same as the OP. Wouldn’t have dreamed of bothering to ask if they wanted to buy something under the circumstances, wouldn’t have left them out either. Can’t believe anyone would have an issue with that.

Josieannathe2nd Mon 18-Dec-17 19:25:06

Has your manager got the wrong idea? Everyone gets a present, no one on mat leave is stressed.

goldengimbas Mon 18-Dec-17 19:25:46

Yes they are on Mat leave, both babies are between three and four weeks old.

lucylouuu Mon 18-Dec-17 19:25:54

i think people are over reacting and what you did was a thoughtful thing to do rather than hassle someone who's had a premature baby or a baby with disabilities about a present

RitaMills Mon 18-Dec-17 19:26:01

You did a nice and thoughtful thing, your manager can’t stop you handing the presents over in your own time so do that and don’t give their silly pettiness anymore thought.

wasMissD Mon 18-Dec-17 19:26:16

I think you did a nice thing! Miserable gits....

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