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How often do you visit your parents?

(69 Posts)
664485867669432fjffhththththth Mon 18-Dec-17 16:51:22

Just out of curiosity...
DH lives 3 hours away from his and I live 1.5 hours.
MIL / FIL don't come to visit us so we make the trip down once a month.
DM / DF come up as much as we go down so about once every 3 weeks alternating.
FIL expressing concerns that DH doesn't see MIL enough.
Just wondering from your own experiences what is reasonable?

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Mon 18-Dec-17 17:03:43

Is everyone of a similarity in terms of physical ability etc? It would affect the answer if mil is disabled and can't leave the house!
My parents are local so see them at least once a week together here, I'll often pop up to my mum's with the kids in the week and sometimes my dad pops in on his way home from work.
Pil on the other hand live 80 miles away. They're both retired so could travel any day. They NEVER ask us when we are free/try to make plans to see us, either us to them or them to us. I've given up pushing it now as dh seems ambivalent and they're not my parents. We've seen them twice this year, both times was me instigating dh to sort it though as in "I'm away next weekend why not take dc to your parents" or "its bloody December when are you going to organise to see them?!".
I'm feeling guilty that we've never invited them here for Christmas, but if dh cba to at least attempt to talk to me about inviting them I don't see why I should bother as I have enough to do and I'm not keen on taking on social/family secretary job role!!

MrsMaxwell Mon 18-Dec-17 17:05:55

They live 60 mikes away and I see them every few months.

OH live about 5 hours away and we see them about once a year, every other year (his mother as she doesn’t drive and won’t pay to come down even though her grandchildren are here - my step kids) his dad comes to stay once a year (which we love).

Littlelambpeep Mon 18-Dec-17 17:06:39

My dh visits his once or twice a week (twenty mins away)

If they are three hours.. Once a month is plenty !

gingeranium Mon 18-Dec-17 17:10:25

My mum comes to visit me once every few months, maybe about four times a year. I go and visit her maybe once or twice a year. We live three hours away.

I see PIL nearly every day but we live 10 minutes away and DP and FIL work together!

winterinmadeira Mon 18-Dec-17 17:10:32

Twice a week but they live 5 miles away. When I lived 2 hours away it was maybe every 6 weeks. And I say that as someone who is close to my family

Minniemountain Mon 18-Dec-17 17:10:33

DF- 6.5 hours away. We visit once or twice a year. He used to come to us once a year but has stopped suggesting it.
DM- 4 hours away. We visit once or twice a year.
MIL- lives 10 minutes from us. Aside from child care, we see her once every 1-2 weeks.
FIL lives in Spain. On average we visit him every 18 months. He comes to the UK to see us and his elderly mother once or twice a year.

gingeranium Mon 18-Dec-17 17:11:20

We don’t have children though. I’d guess my mum would probably come a lot more often if we did. We have dogs and a farm so it’s harder for us to visit her more frequently.

InDubiousBattle Mon 18-Dec-17 17:12:48

Just my dad on my side and we see him once a week, sometimes at ours, sometimes we all meet at a pub/restaurant. He lives about 30 minutes away but comes to our nearest town most days. It's rare for me to go 2 weeks without seeing him!

Dp's family live an hour and a half drive away. They generally come to us around once every 3 /4 weeks. We go to them 3/4 times a year and stay for a couple of days.

Do you stay over when you visit your PL ? I certainly wouldn't fancy a 6 hour round trip more than once a month!

softkittywarmkitty28 Mon 18-Dec-17 17:13:15

My parents live 10 months minute walk away so see them a few times a week, I normally have them round for dinner once a week or takeaway and they help with childcare in the holidays

TeeBee Mon 18-Dec-17 17:13:35

My mum lives 5 hours away (but can take 7 if traffic is a mess). I visit maybe twice a year. I can't be doing with dragging the kids that far too often, its not fair on them.
My dad lives in Europe (across 2 different countries). He has never invited me so I don't visit him. He's visited me once in the last 12 years!

GoJohnnyGoGoGoGo Mon 18-Dec-17 17:14:13

They live about 2.5hrs away and I try to visit during every half term holiday. They probably visit us about once/twice a year.

Trinity66 Mon 18-Dec-17 17:14:55

I work with my parents so i see them everyday (during the week) I see my mother more socially though(my parents are divorced)

gamerwidow Mon 18-Dec-17 17:15:39

My mum is local so I see her a few times a week. I see my dad much less frequently maybe 4/5 times a year.
FIL stays for the weekend every 6 weeks or so and we go stay spend the weekend at MIL every school holiday.

BackforGood Mon 18-Dec-17 17:17:41

So you are already committing 2 weekends a month to visiting / spending time with your parents ?
That sounds quite a lot to me, but it depends on things like what else you do / what hours everyone works / if the parents are fit and well or not / if you have hobbies or commitments at home / etc.

Longdistance Mon 18-Dec-17 17:18:51

I see dm every week, she lives in the other side of town, my dh is there too.

Mil lives up norf about a 4+ hours drive. I go up half term holidays, we’re going after Christmas. She and her dh were down last week but for a funeral. So, every month or so. Mil will make an effort to see us, but she still has friends down here too.

I think your fil is bu. If they visited it would be different, but you have to find the time to travel further, it can be relentless, and costs in fuel too.

CMOTDibbler Mon 18-Dec-17 17:20:43

Mine, 4 times a year (but more if there is an emergency, but thats just me going to sort them out). I speak to dad everyday.

DH's about the same, but will go months when dh can't get hold of them and they don't call/email/text

PIL are very fit and well, live 45 min away, travel all over the world but can't be bothered to see us. Mine live 90 minutes away but are very frail and mum has dementia

CinnamonAndSpice Mon 18-Dec-17 17:24:31

See my mum. Minimum 3 times a week. But she's very local and DS often meets me there from school
My dad prob once a fortnight as when I go round there he's never in lol. But again he lives a 3 min drive away

In laws once a week sometimes two. They live 10 min drive away..

Any of them rarely come to us.. But that's how I prefer it. I like to get out and don't particularly like ' hosting' and that way I can leave when I'm ready 😂

Enidblyton1 Mon 18-Dec-17 17:27:02

My Dad is an hour away and we see him on average once a month (may be several times one month and then not for 3 months). Sad to say if my DM was alive I'd see them more.
We only live 20 mins from PIL and see them once or twice a week (but then they spend at least 3 months a year on holiday - so go for long periods of not seeing them).

Once a month is a lot of you have to drive 3 hours. Can your PIL not come to you sometimes?

stuckfornames Mon 18-Dec-17 17:30:26

FIL visits once a fortnight for an hour. He stayed for a whole 40 minutes this Saturday though!

MIL, maybe twice a month. But she will stay for a lot longer. She came over on Saturday and stayed for 4 hours. Which the kids loved as they love seeing her.

I live around one minute away from my mum so I see her a lot more than the normal person. I go for tea every Thursday and pop up for a cuppa occasionally.

Silverthorn Mon 18-Dec-17 17:31:23

About 4times a year each. Mum lives 2hrs away halfway between us and pil who are 4.5hrs away.

romany4 Mon 18-Dec-17 17:34:37

DH parents live in Scotland. My mum lives in Kent.
We live in Yorkshire. Neither parent has ever driven to visit us.

I haven't seen my mum in 2 years. Probably about 5 years since we went up to Scotland.
But, DH is disabled so can't cope with long journeys and I get very little time off work as well as caring for him. We do talk to parents every week by phone though and I'm always texting my mum too so in constant contact

underneaththeash Mon 18-Dec-17 17:37:58

Once a month is fine, if they're 3 hours away.

We probably see DM every 6 weeks or so, she's 2 hours away. MIL is a 6 hour drive and we see her 3-4 x a year.

Chasingsquirrels Mon 18-Dec-17 17:39:33

Well they only live 15 mins away so quite often.
When they were about 3 hours away and before I had ds1 we saw them every couple of months, after ds1 more often!

DancesWithOtters Mon 18-Dec-17 17:41:29

MIL lives 20 mins away and we see her every 3 weeks or so.

My parents live 2 hours away and I see them every 2 or 3 months.

We both work long hours all week and at the weekend we mostly just want to collapse.

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