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Was this rude or aibu

(25 Posts)
Pickledonion24 Sun 17-Dec-17 21:50:35

Went to visit some of my step mums friends more like family for the night in Devon. They did a lovely dinner With lots of pudding and wine. My family are all up at 5-6 in the morning where me and my partner like 7.30 wake ups during the week and atleast 9 on the weekend. At 8.10 in the morning my step mum came to tell us they where ready to leave they had driven us there. I got ready by 8.45 and went to wait for my partner to bring his bag down turns out that my step mum had text her family to say not to wake up thanks for having us where leaving. They eventually came down at 9 and said good bye offering us breakfast coffe and tea. I was so mortified if I have people staying I by extra breakfast in for every one. I wanted to help clear up to from the night before. My dads always been like this but previously couldn’t do anything as Mum my sister and I would still be in bed if we stayed anywhere and he normaly just watched tv let the dog out made himself a drink and sat on the sofa or in bed reading to someone had woken up

Pickledonion24 Sun 17-Dec-17 21:51:21

Or it’s been in his own house where he could do some work I still feel so awful I want to text them and say sorry but I don’t want to interfere with my step mum

honeysucklejasmine Sun 17-Dec-17 21:56:30

I'm not sure what the issues is... Is it:
1. You were woken up before 9am
2. Someone (your hosts) didn't come down until 9?
3. Your step mum planned to leave without saying goodbye to hosts?
4. The hosts didn't "buy in" extra breakfasts for you?

I think it's #3 in which case yeah, that's pretty rude, especially as you imply there was still a bit of a mess from the night before.

honeysucklejasmine Sun 17-Dec-17 21:58:39

Oh hang on... You mean your stepmum woke you before the hosts were up and about, wanting to leave. But you wanted to say goodbye in person, help tidy up and assumed the hosts had probably made arrangements for breakfast that might be wasted?

My brain isn't working properly today.

Ohyesiam Sun 17-Dec-17 22:05:13

Huh? Who did what when, and how do you feel about it?

5foot5 Sun 17-Dec-17 22:05:54

Hmm. My first thought was that a long drive was involved so your step-mum wanted to crack on and make an early start.

But if that was the case surely she would have mentioned it to the hosts the night before?

YANBU it does seem bloody rude, and ungrateful

Pickledonion24 Sun 17-Dec-17 22:09:30

No long drive live just over an hour away and it’s was Sunday so no traffic yes honeysuckle that’s it’s brains not working due to migraine.

pinkyredrose Sun 17-Dec-17 22:26:53

can't understand your OP.

OhforfucksakeFay Sun 17-Dec-17 22:33:11

I think I get it.

You thought it was rude of your step mum to get up and arrange you for you leave early when you thought it was more polite for you to stay until hosts got up, help clear up and eat the breakfast that the hosts had probably bought in for you all.

I agree it is rude to rush off unless there's a particular reason. In this case though your hosts will have known it's not you as you came with step mum so I would leave it. Otherwise you can't say anything without appearing critical of your step mum to her friends.

TeaAndToast85 Sun 17-Dec-17 22:34:34

I find this v confusing confused

LagunaBubbles Sun 17-Dec-17 22:36:18

Not sure what your aibu is sorry. confused

ruleshelpcontrolthefun Sun 17-Dec-17 22:42:26

.......I have no idea what I have just read. Sorry.

ElizabethLemon Sun 17-Dec-17 22:45:44

I understand what you mean op, it’s not that complicated 🙄.

I do think your SM was a bit rude and I would have felt uncomfortable too. Maybe her family are used to it?

PurpleMinionMummy Sun 17-Dec-17 23:04:58

It's perfectly clear to me hmm

That would have made me feel uncomfortable too and I do think it's a little rude.

Cantuccit Sun 17-Dec-17 23:10:18

What happens when they visit you/your step mum?

Maybe they're all used to this?

Perhaps you could drop them a text and say you were so sorry to have rushed off and not helped with clean up, but that you hope they will come and stay with you soon?

condepetie Sun 17-Dec-17 23:17:48

This is way more coherent than a lot of threads I've read recently, not sure what people are whining about!

Yes that's incredibly rude, I'd hate to wake up to find my guests had left without saying goodbye - whether it was "not wanting to bother me" or not. It's a Sunday and not a long drive, it's weird to want to hurry away so early unless they already had plans for Sunday, which should have been mentioned to you and the hosts beforehand.

Mxyzptlk Sun 17-Dec-17 23:25:46

Thank them for the lovely evening and all the trouble they went to and apologise for not having time to help clear up in the morning, without mentioning any reason for not having time.
That's my suggestion anyway.

HeddaGarbled Sun 17-Dec-17 23:29:27

It is a bit odd but as they are your step-mum's friends, hopefully they know what she is like and are used to it. The morning after the night before can drag on a bit, and not everyone is up for socialising over breakfast. The hosts may have been glad to get rid of you all so quickly. I would send them a thank you message and not worry about it. They'll know it was your dad and step-mum who made the decision, not you.

Rachie1973 Sun 17-Dec-17 23:30:49

Stepmums friends/family?

Then I should imagine they know her well and are used to it? Nothing to fret about.

LovingLola Sun 17-Dec-17 23:40:09


Maelstrop Sun 17-Dec-17 23:42:56

Your stepmother was bloody rude to leave before the hosts were up. They probably had bought stuff for breakfast. I'd find it very odd if guests buggered off before I was even up.

HoneyBeeMum1 Mon 18-Dec-17 01:43:20

Pickled's lack of punctuation other than an occasional full stop made the meaning of her original post unclear.

However, I think Pickled's point is that her stepmother was rude to leave without saying goodbye.

I agree that Pickled's view is not unreasonable. They should have remained at least long enough to accept breakfast and thank their guests for their hospitality.

I would send a 'thank you' card and note, but avoid any specific mention of the departure.

Birdsgottafly Mon 18-Dec-17 02:24:50

I think your Step Mum is the best judge on whether they would be bothered by you leaving early.

If they are like family, then they are close enough to be able to do what your SM did.

I'd send a really nice Christmas card with a, thank you message in.

scottishdiem Mon 18-Dec-17 02:44:14

Try not posting with a migraine. Might get more positive answers.

Splinterz Mon 18-Dec-17 03:58:01

They are your step mothers friends, she and they will understand the dynamic of their relationship.

No reason why you cant text and say 'thanks for hosting' but be wary of dissing your SM to her friends.

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