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to play along and become as petty?

(59 Posts)
Filzma Sun 17-Dec-17 04:00:07

AIBU to be fed up and 'done' with aunt or just play along and keep her guessing? This might be long, sorry. I'll start by explaining the character she is and mine. I'm like my privacy, don't bother with other people's business as my own weighs me enough and I don't think I'm petty. OTOH my aunt is the exact opposite to DM and myself. 1. Nosy 2. Cannot for the life of her keep a secret 3. Tells anyone that will listen personal things about you and v.v 4. Confrontational and petty 5. Very very kind and giving 6. Sensitive.

So when I was expecting DD1 literally the day I got a bfp, she called to let me know my uncle ( who had told her in confidence!!) was cautiously excited as his wife 3weeks along. They didn't want people to know as she had previously mc'd. Fast forward a month later, sadly she did mc. Turns out literally everyone including my in laws ( completely not related to the family) found out she was expecting and got deeply hurt that my uncle had put it out there. (Sadly 6months later divorced btw). I decided after the call then I wasn't going to tell her till I was 6 months. She found out from my in laws I was expecting literally the week before I was to call her.
This year we met in March and I was ill as I have a chronic illness. We had a row and suddenly in the heat of moment she accused DM and me of hiding my illness, pregnancy etc etc. I was hurt by some snide comments she'd made just to bait me to find out more about my condition. We had a row. Anyway she called me sometime in August and in passing asked if I was going back to finishing studies. I said no, didn't give a reason. She said oh that's good just use this time to rest. Deep down I know she suspected I was pregnant.

Since October, she's been trying to call my in laws and friends to find out. She couldn't take it a week ago, begun small talk with a wedding she attended- couple are expecting, girl she knows is ttc another baby as gap is get the drift. At the end of convo, clearly exasperated she says she has a friend where I live( highly unlikely as she only comes to me in this city) and will come by to see me. I said yeah no problem let me know when. She had her son call me (on speaker) 2 days later to say they'd be coming for 2weeks. I said no problem. He insists it's for 2 weeks I say yeah heard you the 1st time and that's fine.
I called today to say let me know exactly when you're coming because DH and I would like to arrange for a 3day visit to his nieces before or after their visit. Told my cousin as her phone was off. She calls back this evening and says oh I'm coming stay with my friend as she's due any time. Don't worry just go about your business. I say I thought cuz said you'll be staying at my place 2 weeks. She say no, the lady has a spare room and is heavily pregnant. I say ok then let me know if you come to town. Says ok. End.
Is this too much? Forgot to add, she's known to make up stuff and for fibbing too.
How do I deal with such level of pettiness and WIBU to let her know after DC2 is born (planning to ttc soon 😉😁)? I'm irritated why is she like this? Am I just overly private for not wanting to be discussed or my life around town?

Filzma Sun 17-Dec-17 04:06:41

Oh and if she does actually come should I cover up my belly? Or wear the tightest fitting clothes? They tried video calling btw but I 'happened' to be in a poorly lit room. She's dying inside I know.

NewLove Sun 17-Dec-17 04:10:51

Why is this petty?

Filzma Sun 17-Dec-17 04:12:27

New love, On my end or hers? If me, because I feel like I'm stopping low now and plotting on how to lead her on...

Koala2018 Sun 17-Dec-17 04:12:40

I don't know if it's because I'm tired but I don't really understand any of it sorry.

Why can't she know that you are pregnant?

Filzma Sun 17-Dec-17 04:15:46

I have a high risk of mc and had previous ones. Wouldn't want people feeling sorry and I feel like there's no need to let people know if I did mc.

Koala2018 Sun 17-Dec-17 04:19:48

Oh okay, well if you don't want her to know your pregnant in case you mc then this seems perfectly valid to hide it from her until you feel secure enough to let her know the good news.

Jobjobjob Sun 17-Dec-17 04:24:04

That was a very long winded way to say "I'm at high risk of miscarriage, AIBU to keep pregnancy secret until I feel confident".

To be honest six months is a long time to wait and presume that you must've been showing? If your aunt had been living close, she would've known anyway?

Was it just your aunt that you didn't want to tell until you were six months? In which case that was very petty.

Filzma Sun 17-Dec-17 04:31:14

Jobjobjob thank you. Still learning the ropes of MN. Seen people asking for more details so assumed I should give the backstory.
Yes wanted to keep it from her and couple loud mouth IL 😊😬

Jobjobjob Sun 17-Dec-17 04:40:18

Yes wanted to keep it from her and couple loud mouth IL 😊😬

But why? If everyone else knows, why just keep it from these people.

Sorry, I do think you ABU.

Jobjobjob Sun 17-Dec-17 04:44:06

Actually on reflection I'm not sure what your AIBU is?

I'm referring to your previous pregnancy, but maybe that's not your question?

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 17-Dec-17 04:47:37

I find your post very confusing. Perhaps next time, write a little less as Jobjob said.

If everyone else apart from her knows you’re pregnant, that sounds unfair. You say she’s very kind and giving but can’t keep herself out of other people’s business. So she does have some good qualities.

I imagine your uncle’s divorce was a lot more to do with the stress of miscarriage than gossiping tbh. You also say she had a go at you about a previous pregnancy and your illness. This all sounds very complicated.

I think it’s a good thing she’s not staying with you and you can meet up and you can talk about your baby bump then. Do you want to see her?

SpareASquare Sun 17-Dec-17 04:47:45

You sound petty but I don't really understand what you're going on about. Sounds super childish whatever it's about.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 17-Dec-17 04:56:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EmilyChambers79 Sun 17-Dec-17 05:07:40

So, your Uncle and his wife were expecting. He told Aunt who told you. Other family member found out, she miscarried and they divorced 6 months later. Your Uncles partner was upset with your Uncle putting it out there.

You then decided not to tell your Aunt you were pregnant until 6 months but rest of family knew and then she found out from your in law's.

She then tried to find out from you if you are pregnant by making up a story about someone she knows is pregnant.

Now she's coming to see you and you can't decide if to hide your pregnancy or wear tight fitting clothes to show it off.

Honestly the whole situation sounds ridiculous with daft behaviour on both sides. Telling people about your Uncles partner being pregnant wasn't really your Aunt's place to do so but I seriously doubt it was the reason for their divorce.

What difference does it make with your Aunt knowing about your pregnancy? You say you are high risk of miscarriage, how far gone are you? You have obviously told other people and it seems incredibly petty to single her out and not tell her. To try and hide it or wear tight clothing is also quite immature.

I'm guessing English isn't your first language and therefore something may have got lost in translation but the whole situation sounds a bit ridiculous and seems like it could be more drama and petty secret keeping and therefore more stressful to try and keep on top of than just actually telling her.

Jobjobjob Sun 17-Dec-17 05:21:54

Is OP pregnant? I thought she said she's gong to TTC soon? Mind you I'm so confused she could be.

I think she saying about clothes as tight clothes would shoe she's not pregnant but baggy ones would wind the aunt up and she wouldn't be sure if she was pregnant or not?

The level of pettiness is totally unbelievable. Actually it is bordering total unkindness to the aunt. Everyone will know except her until the baby is born? What's wrong with telling "everyone around town" that your niece is pregnant?

EmilyChambers79 Sun 17-Dec-17 05:27:23

Is OP pregnant? I thought she said she's gong to TTC soon? Mind you I'm so confused she could be

Just had a look, nope, she's not even pregnant.

Which makes the fact she's considering wearing baggy clothes to wind her Aunt up even more ridiculous.

AstridWhite Sun 17-Dec-17 05:27:42

It sounds like you thrive on petty drama and have one of those awfully over-involved and co-dependent families where everyone knows everyone else's business in two seconds flat. How on earth is she getting all this info via your in laws? hmm Sounds grim all round.

But if you are going to announce your PG generally then it's pretty unrealistic to expect you can keep it a secret from one particular person, when you know lots of people in common. confused

So, you keep rowing with her every time you see her and she's just your auntie I'd say your pregnancy is irrelevant and you should just cut contact with her back to the bare minimum. You clearly don't get along very well.

Life is too short to be repeatedly arguing with people you don't even need to have in your life.

OutComeTheWolves Sun 17-Dec-17 05:32:51

Ok op if I have this right, you aren't pregnant but your aunt thinks you are and is making up this scenario of coming to visit to 'catch you out'?

Your aibu is would you be unreasonable to play along and keep her guessing?

If I'm on the right track, yanbu . Wear loose clothes, complain about feeling sick etc etc. I do think waiting 6 months to tell her the last time was a bit off though, especially once everyone else knew.

Mummyoflittledragon Sun 17-Dec-17 05:42:09

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Whinesalot Sun 17-Dec-17 05:49:25

Just tell her after 12 weeks as a lot of people do.

I'd be hurt if someone in the family kept it a secret for 6 months, especially if everyone else in the family knew. I'm surprised she's still even talking to you. Why not call her out on it if she divulges other people's secrets to you.
Seems a lot of drama over nothing.

AstridWhite Sun 17-Dec-17 06:00:48

Hang on, WHAT? Not even pregnant?

Fuck. I missed that bit in amongst all the long winded waffle.

I'm getting too old and tired for this shit.

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe Sun 17-Dec-17 06:45:17

Bloody hell, I had to go back and read it again as I thought Op was 6 months pregnant confused. You're only planning to ttc and you're getting this dramatic about when you may or may not tell your aunt? The amount of detail in your post gives me the impression that the whole lot of you have boundary issues and enjoy a bit of drama tbh.

I think you need to stop overthinking. If you get pregnant it's up to you and DH to decide when to tell people. You keep quiet about it until that point and then you announce it in whatever way suits you. It's not all that difficult to avoid drama about these things, most of us manage to.

Fluffywhitecloud Sun 17-Dec-17 07:35:16

Over dramatic much? Honestly get a grip.

LoniceraJaponica Sun 17-Dec-17 08:38:37

I'm confused

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