Colleagues and lies?

[Hisnamesblaine]

I work in the NHS. Been a bad year. Lots of cutbacks. Huge staff turnover and general low morale. A fellow manager went private and took some staff with him. Not a option for me with travel etc. Plus I glad to see the back of dome of the colleagues...... oh yes and I wasn't asked anyway! So on the my AIBU. Afew colleagues who I was fairly close with, seen then outside of work for drinks etc have recently left. Said they were going elsewere. It now transpires theyve gone to the managers new place. I feel incredibly hurt they they lied to my face and couldn't confide in me. I would have wised them well. I supposr they were told to keep it quiet but honestly if they want to leave they can leave. Our current boss couldn't care less if it is the case. I feel annoyed as I organised leaving present and cars etc. They talked about having leaving drinks in the new year but I doubt they will commit now. Seems like they are all in a little secret gang and it's all hush hush. AIBU TO cut ties...... let's face it I doubt I will see much if them now anyway. I just feel hurt. Like my friendship was nothing to them. I relly want to send a text asking why they lies? But am aware that makes me sound very over invested! Tell me how to catch a grip

[theimportanceofbeinghappy]

The thing is people will always do what's best for them, their families and their lifestyles.

[Hisnamesblaine]

I agree. But the lying was very shady. Maybe I am just hurt and not looking st 're bigger picture

[Handsfull13]

It's not a great feeling that they couldn't tell you the truth but people do what they want for their own reasons.
I would return the gifts and maybe just give a card if you want. Don't organise any leaving do and just slowly let them drift away and move on

[nornironlady]

As above, you can't control how anyone behaves especially in the workplace. I've just moved job location this year under good terms but hardly ever have contact with the people I used to work with despite being there 10+ yrs. I find these things fizzle out naturally and no matter how good friendships are, IME it's out of sight, out of mind. I really wouldn't worry too much but it took me a few years to catch on these things really don't matter to my personal life. Hard lesson to learn though OP as we do spend so much time with our work colleagues.

[curryforbreakfast]

They were probably asked by their new boss not to tell anyone. Why are you so oddly overinvested in it? Isn't it more about not being offered a job there when so many others were?

[Bambamber]

They were probably concerned with how you would react and were worried it may upset you. You do sound a little OFF, secret gang? I know your not being literal but it's not some kind of conspiracy. They thought they had better work options elsewhere and didn't want to hurt your feelings

[Bambamber]

*OTT

[Hisnamesblaine]

No the old boss was very open about asking people to move with him. I could never have gone. I have to work around childcare commitments and I don't drive. As the new site is 45 mins away by car. Also old boss was seriously bi polar. I'm glad he's gone. Out new boss is ace. I suppose I just thought as I'd been on weekends away and shopping trips/meals out with one particular colleague rh at sh e would confide in me. I love kept various secrets for her in the past and this would have been no different. I wish her a nd all the other people well. It's better paid job with gold career options. As ice said travel and family commitments keep me from going. Plus it's a 5 .in walk to work from home so I am happy with my present set up. I made the secret gang comment as they have set up a private whattsapp group with all the guys who have left it are in the process of leaving....... Seems weird to me. But oh well maybe it is just me

[Hisnamesblaine]

Sorry for typos. It's do cold my hands are like ice!