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'You're a naughty girl!', said DP. AIBU?

(177 Posts)
Rainatnight Fri 15-Dec-17 10:19:37

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive or not. DP and I are having a tricky time at the moment and I don't want to make a big deal out of it if I'm being unreasonable.

DD, 18 months, tried to draw on the newly decorated kitchen wall three times when I was out of the room this morning.

I came into the room to find DP picking her up and saying 'naughty girl!' to her.

I really don't agree with this. I don't think a child that young can be 'naughty', and I think labelling a really little child as naughty for normal toddler behaviour is really unhelpful.

But I'm quite soft and I over think this kind of thing more than DP. It could just be a figure of speech and not something that will scar DD for life!

Thoughts?

trilbydoll Fri 15-Dec-17 10:20:40

We try to say that's a naughty thing to do. The 2yo is constantly calling us all naughty though so clearly we have failed somewhere along the line!

Booboobooboo84 Fri 15-Dec-17 10:21:18

It sjust a figure of speech. Naughty isn’t a terrible word to use. Children need a word that they can associate with bad behaviour.

Adviceplease360 Fri 15-Dec-17 10:21:47

I over think this kind of thing more than DP

This.

Booboobooboo84 Fri 15-Dec-17 10:22:16

And just because it’s normal toddler behaviour doesn’t mean you want it to continue. You have to shape your daughter into a constructive member of society and part of that is helping them identify naughty behaviour

TheHandmaidsTail Fri 15-Dec-17 10:22:18

Hmmm it isn't deliberately naughty but if she has been told not to do something 3 times and carries on, then even at 18 months she should have an understanding of no.

I used to say if you do that again, you will be a naughty boy/girl but as a statement of fact not a shouty telling off not like now when they are older and gits

TheHandmaidsTail Fri 15-Dec-17 10:23:29

Ha yes DS calls me a "naughty boy mummy" so maybe I haven't got it right either hmm

SleepingStandingUp Fri 15-Dec-17 10:23:57

You could ask him to say that's naughty instead of she's naughty but I do think kids need to understand when they are naughty because at some point she will be

Eltonjohnssyrup Fri 15-Dec-17 10:25:42

How do you think children learn what is acceptable behaviour or not? By being told what is naughty behaviour and what isn't.

lurkingnotlurking Fri 15-Dec-17 10:26:38

Naughty behaviour, not naughty child

missyB1 Fri 15-Dec-17 10:27:15

it was a naughty thing to do if she had already been told twice to stop, mind you why did she still have a pencil/ crayon after the previous 2 attempts?!

Don't over think it, your DP is allowed to tell her off, he's her parent too.

JoJoSM2 Fri 15-Dec-17 10:28:45

Exactly, just tell him it's naughty behaviour and not to label the little one.

Shoxfordian Fri 15-Dec-17 10:31:14

He shouldn't tell his child she's naughty when she's being naughty?! Wow. Parenting has really changed since I was a kid. hmm

redexpat Fri 15-Dec-17 10:32:06

Eltonjohnssyrup I agree with you, but that's not what the DP said. He said she was a naughty girl, that's about her, not her behaviour. That's a naughty thing to do would be better as it takes the child out the equation.

eddiemairswife Fri 15-Dec-17 10:33:19

Another one here wondering why she still had a pencil.

user1493413286 Fri 15-Dec-17 10:33:26

I’m a bit confused because that is naughty and at that age if they’ve been told once they know they shouldn’t be doing it straight after. What would you rather him have said?

NotAgainYoda Fri 15-Dec-17 10:35:09

It's pointless and inaccurate telling an 18 month old they are naughty.

DearMrDilkington Fri 15-Dec-17 10:36:09

Don't be ridiculous.

Thetreesareallgone Fri 15-Dec-17 10:37:24

All this semantics of 'naughty girl' vs 'naughty behaviour' just goes right over children's heads. It's also fine for two parents to have slightly different approaches. I don't see this as problematic.

CesareBorgiasSkeletonOnesie Fri 15-Dec-17 10:37:39

I think you’re overthinking a bit but know where you’re coming from. I think labelling the behaviour rather than the child is helpful, and also explain why it’s bad. Eg. ‘You mustn’t draw on the wall, it isn’t nice. It upsets mummy and daddy and walls aren’t for drawing on.’ If it happens again, a sharp ‘I’ve said NO. That is naughty.’ And a repetition of the explanation.

That usually works for us but there’s the odd banned activity that is so enjoyable (dropping cutlery in the toilet was one for us at around 18 months hmm) where escalation to proper telling off is required.

Whitney168 Fri 15-Dec-17 10:38:11

Can anyone honestly ever remember whether they were told they were naughty (or indeed had behaved in a naughty fashion) at 18 months old ... or much older than that?!

Way over-thinking. Surely what your child will remember is the treatment she received in general, rather than a particular phrasing?

WunWun Fri 15-Dec-17 10:39:29

We rarely use the word naughty to DD and when we do we definitely don't say that she is naughty, rather that the thing was naughty.

The more you tell a child they are naughty the more they believe it. I can tell you that from personal experience.

Stickaforkinimdone Fri 15-Dec-17 10:41:49

Of course YABU! Your toddler isn’t going to end up an emotional delinquent just because they were called a naughty girl 🙄

The fact she isn’t being consciously ‘naughty’ is irrelevant; as a previous poster said you don’t want that behaviour to continue and they have to learn it’s unacceptable-it’s pavlovian training at its best!

Alisvolatpropiis Fri 15-Dec-17 10:42:21

Yes, you are over thinking it

Bluntness100 Fri 15-Dec-17 10:42:40

Honest to god, she’s 18 months old.pick your battles. Seriously.

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