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How honest to be with friend about her new blog?

(40 Posts)
chandlersfraud Thu 14-Dec-17 20:20:36

So a friend/acquaintance I've met through school has started a blog. We're friends on fb so I see the posts that way.

I can't decide whether or not it would be helpful to be a bit honest with her about it.

Thing is, I don't really like reading it.
What shines through is that she is so down on herself and not at peace with who she is. It's quite negative. The harshness with which she judges herself makes me feel she must be judging me and reading it is not good for my confidence.
She also has a skewed view of things - eg. She talks about how she's sure the mums at school must think she's the gran picking up (not true st all) and says she looks around at all the 20 and 30 something mums at the school gate who are naturally beautiful, slim & fit. Now we're at the same school gate and I don't know any mums in their 20s! I am very far from slim. A good few of the other mums are in their early to mid 40s like this person and I think she looks great - id love her figure.

It's sort of annoying and sad at the same time as I think she really does believe this stuff which is factually incorrect! It's like she thinks she's got/had it worse than anyone else and I think that's probably a barrier to friendships developing.

Another example was talking about baby groups and how they breathed a sigh of relief when she and her daughter left because her daughter cried. I wasn't there but I'm sure they weren't thinking that!
She also describes her family as 'poor' which grates a little because I don't know their whole situation but I'm quite sure there's many many people worse off.

Anyway. We haven't known each other that long and she is shy (mentioned a lot in her blog that she struggles socially).

Would it be helpful for me to (kindly as possible) comment that she is down on herself/challenge some of the way she's seeing things? Or just leave it and stop reading?

It's frustrating because I think she could potentially be a lot happier if she reframed some of the things she thinks about herself and her circumstances.

dinosaursandtea Thu 14-Dec-17 20:21:38

She seems really self-involved! I'd steer clear.

Neverender Thu 14-Dec-17 20:23:10

Unsubscribe and leave her to it. She clearly gets something out of doing it, so let her carry on - you don't have to read it and if you haven't known her log you haven't known her long you don't know how she really feels or sees herself.

WipsGlitter Thu 14-Dec-17 20:23:47

Leave it and stop reading. It's not her job to make you feel good about yourself.

toffee1000 Thu 14-Dec-17 20:23:54

She sounds like she’s got mental health issues, and it’s good that you’re concerned. But it really, really isn’t as simple as just reframing how she thinks about herself. It might be “annoying” to you but you have no idea what it’s like to be her.
If you mention it to her, be very gentle/mention it casually eg “you sound a bit negative on your blog, are you OK?”

FoxesSitOnBoxes Thu 14-Dec-17 20:25:33

You telling her that her blog is shit isn’t really going to do much for her “being at peace with who she is”. Leave her alone

TrojansAreSmegheads Thu 14-Dec-17 20:26:50

has she asked you for your opinion on it?

if not then dont. that just wont end well.

stop reading it. you can change settings so you dont get notifications.

chandlersfraud Thu 14-Dec-17 20:29:32

Yes that's good advice. She may well have mh issues, she has alluded to anxiety.

When I said barrier to friendships I meant on her side rather than people not wanting to be friends with her.

I guess also there are presumably other friends of hers who know her better and would be better placed to say something.

Perhaps I should just ask her out for coffee and only give my opinion (v gently) if asked.

As I say though, reading it has made me wonder how she sees me since she's so picky and down on her own appearance, what must she think of me who is the opposite of well groomed!

minimonkey11 Thu 14-Dec-17 20:30:22

Arent most ‘mummy blogs’ annoying? And possibly not quite true? I’m sure it’s poetic licence. Just don’t read it is definitely the best advice x

unlimiteddilutingjuice Thu 14-Dec-17 20:30:38

Reading other peoples take on situations you know about is always weird. Their interpretation of events is always different from your own.
I'd leave her to it and turn off notifications

chandlersfraud Thu 14-Dec-17 20:30:59

Anyhoo feel better getting it off my chest. Didn't want to say anything to mutual acquaintances at school obviously.

TathitiPete Thu 14-Dec-17 20:31:13

She might think that negativity is a prerequisite for blogs, especially 'mummy blogs'. A lot of them are presented in kind of 'my kids are driving me nuts, my husband is a useless sod and the dog pisses me off, I need alcohol to cope with life' manner. Maybe she thinks her blog is a similar style?

Reflexella Thu 14-Dec-17 20:32:26

Yep I’d stick the blog on hide & probably avoid her. I can’t stand that sort of negativity.
People are either radiators or drains. She sounds like a massive drain.

SummerKelly Thu 14-Dec-17 20:33:11

I think if you speak to her play it by ear but I also think gently saying you seem a bit down on yourself, are you all right is okay if you genuinely care about her.

sonjadog Thu 14-Dec-17 20:33:22

No, don´t tell her you don't like her blog. Writing is a very personal thing and if she is inexperienced at it, she won't have developed the thick skin needed to tolerate criticism. It sounds an odd kind of blog, full of negative things that have happened to her, so presumably she has some purpose in writing it for herself? In any case, she hasn't asked for your input, so don't give it. Stop reading it.

chandlersfraud Thu 14-Dec-17 20:33:28

Yes maybe that's it. A bit Of poetic license. I'm not really a reader of mum blogs in general. Maybe that's part of the problem!

toffee1000 Thu 14-Dec-17 20:34:42

I wouldn’t think she would think negatively of your appearance. People who have low self-esteem/anxiety etc tend to be self-absorbed and see the worst in themselves. Self-absorbed is probably the wrong word as it carries negative connotations, mainly of people who are narcissistic and who think they’re God’s gift to the world. People with low self-esteem think the total opposite!
She may have used a blog to “pour out her feelings” as it were as it’s an anonymous place and where she feels she can bare all. It’s much easier to do so online rather than face-to-face where you get an instant response/judgement.

CheapSausagesAndSpam Thu 14-Dec-17 20:35:26

It sounds like she's read some parenting blogs and wants to portray the reality of it but has missed the humour which is essential when discussing insecurities.

Just tell her "well done" for actually doing it. No need to become a critic.

DailyMailReadersAreThick Thu 14-Dec-17 20:35:47

Surely the problem isn't the blog but how unhappy she is, and how low her self-esteem is? The way YOU frame this strikes me as really odd. confused

If you want to help, then try listening to her and bringing some positivity into her life. But don't tell her that not only does she think she's unpopular and ugly, but her blog is also crap.

CheapSausagesAndSpam Thu 14-Dec-17 20:37:15

If you read ANY parenting blog, this is standard fodder.

"My child's the naughtiest'

"I'm a slummy Mummy"

Etc.

yrhengi Thu 14-Dec-17 20:37:37

Maybe she's creating a blog 'character' - maybe for her own reasons, or maybe to build into a book deal later on? Or maybe she's just after a bit of 'U OK hon?' type feedback.

Bit weird if she's letting it link to real life friends who might notice the discrepancies, though - I suppose that suggests it's how she actually sees things.

Jaxhog Thu 14-Dec-17 20:38:20

Walk away and definitely don't comment. Nothing positive will come from any comment you might make and, if reading it makes you sad, don't do it!

SaucyJack Thu 14-Dec-17 20:48:07

I'd just leave well alone. Unfollow if it's too frustrating.

I had a similar-ish situation with a relative who I knew from behind the scenes was making catastrophically poor life choices which lead to 99.9% of her problems, and I was itching to "correct" her- but I eventually came to accept that it simply wasn't my place to approve her posts, and that ATEOTD she had the right to post whatever she damn well wanted on t'internet.

Originalfoogirl Thu 14-Dec-17 20:49:05

No, don’t give your opinion. That would be mean. If she is as shy and down on herself as you say, then her asking for your opinion is her fishing for a compliment, not because she values your literary opinion.

If it is as shit as you say then it won’t be long before some random tells her that and as a friend you should just be there for her at that point. If she asks, make some vague “oh I haven’t had the chance to read it much” comment and ask her how she feels about writing it.

ReanimatedSGB Thu 14-Dec-17 20:58:54

The vast majority of blogs are either smug and annoying or dull and whiny - just like the vast majority of diaries. This is why the vast majority of blogs are read by about three people. (I forget who it was, a few years ago, who said that the overwhelming message of the average blog was 'Look, I exist! And I have a cat!')

I'd stick to saying something vague along the lines of you haven't had time to read much of it, and maybe ask her if she's OK, but don't actually criticise it. No amateur writer wants actual criticism.

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