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No not let him keep the money

(79 Posts)
LittleMe03 Thu 14-Dec-17 17:58:21

I have a 12 year old SS and for many years now we have had this little tradition.

I put loose change in a tub for him and we save it until Xmas, then Father's Day and then his dad's birthday.

3 times a year, a week or so before these occasions we count the money, get it changed at the bank and go shopping together so he can buy his dad a gift from money he has saved, he has always enjoyed doing this.

However we counted the money at the weekend and got it changed and went shopping... he had £32.80 (it's usually somewhere between £25-35) he found a gift for his dad for Christmas which cost £15 so I then asked him what we were doing with the rest of the money, finding another gift or putting it back in the pot. He replied, I think I will just keep it. I told him no and it was one of those two options. He wasn't happy so refused to get another gift so it's gone back in the pot.

We have a brilliant relationship but this has caused a problem between us and ever since he has been really grumpy and stubborn towards me.


I'm not sure if to mention it to my DP or not either confused

LittleMe03 Thu 14-Dec-17 17:58:49

*to not let him keep the money

countycouncil Thu 14-Dec-17 18:01:40

Probably just the start of teenage-hood.

I'd go back to him and negotiate. Maybe he can keep a £5? Sticking to your guns is generally a good idea but there'll be much bigger battles ahead. Sometimes letting them win one is ok.

PurpleMinionMummy Thu 14-Dec-17 18:01:57

Yabu. It's his money that he saved. I wouldn't even expect him to pay tor presents out of his own money tbh I would cover it. Did you stump up for another gift?

twiney Thu 14-Dec-17 18:02:24

I would have let him keep it

FuzzyCustard Thu 14-Dec-17 18:02:55

YANBU. You both knew the rules, which are about getting your DP a gift. The money is not here for him to use as general pocket money. Otherwise next time he'll spend a quid and keep the rest.

Well done for standing your ground.

chickenowner Thu 14-Dec-17 18:03:21


It's not his money that he has saved, it's loose change that the OP lets him spend!

outofmydepth45 Thu 14-Dec-17 18:03:25

Hold you ground, kids need boundaries you were clear he will come around

WineAndTiramisu Thu 14-Dec-17 18:03:26

PurpleMinionMummy she clearly says she puts lost change in a tub for him to buy his dad presents, so technically it's her money, but depends on whether it's been given to him or is just to use for presents?

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 14-Dec-17 18:04:06

It’s not his money guys, read the OP properly..

OP YANBU at all.

FuzzyCustard Thu 14-Dec-17 18:04:20

purple I understood that it was the Op's money in the first place, she said she put loose change in the pot.

twiney Thu 14-Dec-17 18:05:02

I mean whatever really, about what she said or what the rules are, or what the amounts are, blah blah blah.

He's a kid, it's £15, life's too short.

Its not like we're talking about some kind of spoilt brat move here. Have a bit of heart.

Rachie1973 Thu 14-Dec-17 18:05:13

Yabu. It's his money that he saved. I wouldn't even expect him to pay tor presents out of his own money tbh I would cover it. Did you stump up for another gift?

I got the impression from OP that it was HER change she saved for him

Great idea btw OP! No, I agree with you. Money back in pot, minus a hot chocolate or something after shopping.

ichbineinstasumer Thu 14-Dec-17 18:05:15

I might let him keep a small amount, but the point is that it is money saved (by OP I think, not SS) for Dad's presents. I wouldn't get him used to the idea that he can buy his Dad ever smaller gifts so as to have more money for himself, that isn't the kind of selfishness you were wanting to encourage.

Needmorehands Thu 14-Dec-17 18:05:51

I think you did the right thing. Next time he would have found a cheaper gift and kept more for himself, did you discuss what else his dad might have liked with the extra money?

Leeds2 Thu 14-Dec-17 18:05:56

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all, OP.

Pseudousername Thu 14-Dec-17 18:05:59

No Purple, OP clearly stated that she saves the money on SS behalf for gifts for his dad throughout the year.

It's not his money.

Just put it back in the pot OP. At some point he'll realise he's in the wrong but for now don't sweat it. Teenagers innit!

zaalitje Thu 14-Dec-17 18:06:03

purple it is the OPs money, her saving her lose change not her DSS. She's not expecting him to pay.

stickytoffeevodka Thu 14-Dec-17 18:06:14

It's his money, surely he can spend it on whatever he wants?

Bambamber Thu 14-Dec-17 18:07:36

Is he aware that it's not money that you put aside for him and that it's purely money to buy gifts with? If it was perhaps a genuine miscommunication, I may let him keep it this inc, but make it very clear for the future that it's not his money

Redglitter Thu 14-Dec-17 18:08:17

It's his money, surely he can spend it on whatever he wants

It's NOT his money

Dozer Thu 14-Dec-17 18:08:23

It’s not his money, it’s money for gifts for his father.

YANBU. Selfish of DSS and a good opportunity for him to learn about being a considerate family member!

MipMipMip Thu 14-Dec-17 18:08:49

Can you confirm if it is his money going in or yours? To me it reads that it's yours and allocated only for presents. If it's his it should be his choice, if yours then presents only.

ihavetogoshoppingnow Thu 14-Dec-17 18:11:05

No it’s money you’ve saved for presents not his money to spend. Ask him if he would like you to spend half his Christmas budget on yourself after buying I’m one gift for him?

Knittedfairies Thu 14-Dec-17 18:11:51

Time for him to save up to buy presents himself?

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