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WIU to have reported Facebook group to school

(201 Posts)
Cindbelly Thu 14-Dec-17 16:22:45

Possibly outing so will try to keep this vague.

There’s been an unofficial ‘parents of year....’ group set up on Facebook.
Recently it’s got quite nasty with a few harsh comments made about teachers and the group admin is basically a bully. There’s also a lot of misinformation posted there (think wrong dates for coffee mornings given etc) the admin has recently had a meeting with head and posted some nasty personal comments about her and been updating the group on her ‘progress’
Reading it makes me feel uncomfortable and I left the group but keep getting re-added. (For some reason Facebook keeps automatically adding me without asking if I want to join)
Anyway today at school pick up the head asks to speak to me as she wanted to know my opinion on some of the issues raised. She knew about the group but can’t see it as it’s a closed group. I think the admin told her that ALL the parents have been messaging about these issues and she guessed it was Facebook.
I’ve told her categorically that not all the parents feel this way, just a small minoritory. She then asked me if I would be happy to screen shot the posts and send to her as she can’t see them. Without thinking I have done this for her.

But now I’m wondering if I should have? Some of these parents will have posted thinking its a safe place to vent and I don’t want anyone (or their DCs) having backlash because I’ve shared the group with the head. - myself included.

It’s done now, so pointless really, but I feel uneasy - did I do the right thing or was I unreasonable?

ryvitaandchocolate Thu 14-Dec-17 16:24:22

I don't feel the head should have put you in that position, to be honest.

MumGoneMild Thu 14-Dec-17 16:26:12

The behaviour if the parents is shitty but the head was out of order having you spy for her. I would of said no.

Cindbelly Thu 14-Dec-17 16:28:52

My older DC went and go there, plus I’m on the PTA help out on trips etc. I think she felt confident to ask me as she knew I would tell her the truth (been doing the school run for 15 years)
But yes that’s a point.

Cindbelly Thu 14-Dec-17 16:29:52

Shit. So I should have refused? Shit. blush

WTAFisthisshit Thu 14-Dec-17 16:32:13

I don't think you did anything wrong, I also don't think the head should have put you in that position. The admin and her group of followers sound like deeply unpleasant bullies who I'd want to avoid like the plague.

VladmirsPoutine Thu 14-Dec-17 16:32:58

Well done. Sometimes the right thing to do is not the 'right' thing to do iyswim?
I hope the head gets to the bottom of this. I would have done the same.

Violletta Thu 14-Dec-17 16:33:46

no she shouldnt have asked, and no you shouldnt have shared and no you shouldnt be added back to the group because you should have clicked the 'prevent others adding me back to this group' and blocked it

allthgoodusernamesaretaken Thu 14-Dec-17 16:35:13

In your shoes, I would have said that some parents were posting messages which I found offensive, but I wouldn't have shared the actual posts

GeorgeTheHamster Thu 14-Dec-17 16:36:59

These fools put things on the internet. They can't expect it to be private. What do we teach our kids? Internet 101?

Chattymummyhere Thu 14-Dec-17 16:37:02

The head shouldn’t of asked and tbh you shouldn’t of shared it’s been set as a secret group for parents of the children in the year group to post. Be that good or bad. They will work out who shared the info.

Cindbelly Thu 14-Dec-17 16:37:15

violetta how do I do that? Is it in the group settings or my own?

WTAFisthisshit Thu 14-Dec-17 16:37:57

Please don't feel bad OP the people who have done something wrong are the adults bullying staff at their children's school. Horrendous behaviour. If you've got an issue/concern/complaint with your child's school there will be systems in place to deal with them, use them.

Cindbelly Thu 14-Dec-17 16:39:22

If it makes any difference it’s a closed group not a secret one, anyone can search for it but you can’t see any posts until you are accepted as a member. It’s also got the schools name in the title

WTAFisthisshit Thu 14-Dec-17 16:41:24

It makes no difference if it's closed or secret, it's the internet, it's public. Stuff like this ALWAYS makes it way back to the school one way or another. flowers for you, you've been put in a shitty position

oblada Thu 14-Dec-17 16:41:45

It's common sense to assume that posts on fb can be seen by anyone regardless of 'group settings' so in my view you haven't done anything wrong in sharing with the Head. I probably would have done the same.

soapboxqueen Thu 14-Dec-17 16:42:14

I think the head put you in a tricky a situation but I understand why she did. These kinds of situations can snow ball very rapidly.

You haven't done anything wrong but potentially the other parents have if what they are posting isn't true. They won't be able to tell who took screen shots and when asked just deny deny deny.

BrokenBattleDroid Thu 14-Dec-17 16:43:43

Don't think you were wrong to agree if the FBI page was getting out of hand.

Your details weren't visible on the screen shots though we're they? I'd ask the head to keep your name out of it, you did her a favour but don't want to be involved any further. Plus say you've left the group so no more screen shots.

user1471451564 Thu 14-Dec-17 16:44:19

Tbh they shouldn't write anything that they wouldn't want seen by whoever or whatever they may be discussing at the time in my opinion. If they had an issue with certain things why did they not raise them in a mature, adult fashion instead of acting like a bunch of teenagers bitching about someone/something they don't like.

happypoobum Thu 14-Dec-17 16:45:29

TBH I would call the head and say you are a bit anxious, and can she confirm that she will ensure that the fact you shared the posts with her will remain confidential so that there is no fall out etc..

Midge1978 Thu 14-Dec-17 16:46:20

What a shame. We have a private FB group and it's a lovely source of support and information as well as a chance to praise the children who have done well. These things should never be used for bullying or bad mouthing people who have no right of reply.

It's a shame that you have been forced to get caught up in a dispute between two people. I think the head just needed to know the truth so that she could deal with this difficult woman appropriately. She obviously senses that this woman is perhaps inventing things to support her cause. However she put you on the spot and make you feel you had to violate the privacy of others. She was wrong to single you out like that.

I think you are a victim of other people's agendas. I think you are best to keep this mum at arm's length and make it clear to the head that you are not comfortable with taking sides in a dispute that you have gone out of your way to stay out of.

We all make mistakes op - the true test of our character is how we behave afterwards and what we learn from them.

GingerbreadMa Thu 14-Dec-17 16:46:53

YANU to screenshot. But head was VU to ask you to. Don your armour OP

Cindbelly Thu 14-Dec-17 16:51:09

My details were not visible in any of the screen shots (I double checked that) but they went from my email address so...
I did state in the email I would like my name to be left out of any issues.

Cindbelly Thu 14-Dec-17 16:55:55

Shit shit shit.
Wish I had posted here before sending

bigbluebus Thu 14-Dec-17 16:56:54

I don't suppose the Closed Group had any actual membership rules pinned to it so you technically haven't broken any rules, but I agree that it was very unprofessional of the Head to ask you for this imformation. Fine to ask your opinion on the matters concerned but not to snitch on others.

I used to be Admin on a number of closed groups where members had a common interest. We set up a number of rules which were drawn to the attention of everyone joining and pinned to the top of the page. These rules included - no naming and shaming any individuals and no copying or sharing posts outside of the group without the express permission of the poster. We had a number of issues with rule breaking and the posts were immediately removed and the offenders were banned from the groups. In my opinion anyone who posts on a FB Group that has no rules might as well consider it an open group.

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