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AIBU?

To find this video offensive

12 replies

Itscurtainsforyou · 14/12/2017 16:22

I've not had much sleep, so I might be. And I'm sure that as I'm posting in AIBU there will be people telling me that I am, but here we go.

I'm at an afternoon of discussions on communication. We've had two things that have wound me up.

1 - a video was shown of two people hitting it off when speed dating. They're about to disappear into the sunset together when she produces 3-4 children who will be coming with her. The tag line (it's not English but has English subtitles) is "communication is important" as he looks aghast at the thought of taking on a single mother.
I know this is supposed to be funny, but to me it smacked of women's worth being devalued if they were a single parent/had children.

2 - talking about communicating clearly and succinctly, the example was given of Ernest Hemingway, when asked to write the saddest, shortest story, wrote "For sale: baby shoes, never worn". I'm a bereaved parent, but even if I wasn't, I'd find that a tasteless example of brief communication to an audience who you don't know.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
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MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 14/12/2017 16:27
  1. Tbh I'd find that one quite funny. It's not about "worth", some people genuinely don't want to take on another person's children and they have the right to make that decision.


  1. Doesn't work. I sold 3 pairs of baby shoes, never worn. There was nothing sad about it, DS just didn't start walking 'til later. So it's not even clear communication 🤷🏼‍♀️
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deadringer · 14/12/2017 16:45

Obviously I haven't seen the video but based on what you say I think yabu. Surely the issue isn't that the man is taking on a single mother but having 3 or 4 kids landed on you without warning or explanation would be a bit of a shocker for anyone. As to the second point, I can't think of a better example of clarity and brevity in a story than the Earnest Hemingby one. Sorry.

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Furgggggg12 · 14/12/2017 17:17

Totally agree OP.

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TheNaze73 · 14/12/2017 17:20

YABVU.

As a single parent myself, I come as a package, with my children.

To expect someone who hates children to accept me & then to pull them out of the locker & expect all to be rosy in the Garden is batshit

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stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/12/2017 17:25

i agree, there exist a gazillion messages and videos that are funny and that don't risk offending people

the first one is a bit icky/sexist
the second one, well shouldn't we avoid death ideally

they could have done better

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Fruitcocktail6 · 14/12/2017 17:33

I think YABU, sorry, but there are a million things that might offend one or two people in any given audience or training sessions. It just impossible to avoid them all.

The second one in particular I think is a very good example.

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RestingGrinchFace · 14/12/2017 17:38
  1. But it is important, it wouldn't be any different if a man you were dating suddenly spring three children on you.


  1. Well it is a good and poetic example of succinct writing. (@MilkTwoSugars in context this obviously respressebts the loss of a young baby, even these days it's still not the norm, even though it is more common, to buy children's shoes and never use them). There is nothing tasteless about it. Perhaps the word you are looking for is tactless or thoughtless? Good communication is important Wink
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RaspberryRipple63 · 14/12/2017 18:02

I don't think it's so much a case of devaluing women who are single parents/have children. It's more an issue of someone's right to know whether a prospective partner has children or not. I would find it a bit strange if someone,man or woman,kept that fact hidden from a partner for any length of time. People have a right to know what they are getting involved with,not everyone wants an 'instant family'! Then again some people are perfectly fine with it. I'm single,I'm not actively looking to have relationship,but at the age of 54,and a grandmother of one,my child bearing/rearing days are behind me. Therefore,if I were to get involved with someone,I would feel happier if he already had kids,as that way I would know he's not going to suddenly decide,3 years into the relationship,that he had better find someone who he's able to have children with.

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peachgreen · 14/12/2017 21:00

I'm really sorry for your loss, OP. Thanks The Hemingway story is a very famous example of the power of a few words and I think it did illustrate the point well but I can absolutely understand why it was so upsetting for you and therefore inappropriate. I would certainly think twice before referencing it in future.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 14/12/2017 21:05

I facilitate training and while we do try to avoid triggering things, when you are facilitating something emotive, like communication, you want people to feel. A good facilitator would have been open to talking about the sexism of the first, while also showing the learning that is there (about communication).

If you take out everything that could possibly upset anyone, I'm afraid facilitation turns into the white-bread-and-water-PowerPoint so frequently served at presentations and events I've been to.

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ScreamingValenta · 14/12/2017 21:14
  1. YABU - This is not about relative worth, but expectations vs. reality. You could change the sexes, or change the children for an alternative unexpected 'addition to the package' and the message would be the same.
  2. YANBU at all - this is very sensitive and thoughtless on behalf of the trainer.
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HildaZelda · 14/12/2017 21:17

But communication IS important. If I met someone and they didn't mention pretty early on that they had 4 children, then I certainly wouldn't be happy when it was suddenly sprung on me.

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