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Aibu for calling her a racist?

(132 Posts)
spiritofadventure Thu 14-Dec-17 09:22:37

Went out for a few pre christmas drinks with a group of close friends on Saturday night. Nobody was drunk and we had been out for maybe 1 hour when somehow, the conversation turned into a discussion about Trump.

One of my friends came out with 'Trump is going to change the world for the better' and then proceeded to have a good old rant about how 'blacks and mexicans' are responsible for 'all' the crime in America. I asked her what she was basing this on , to which she replied 'people should just stick to their own people and stay in their own countries'.

This comment left me open mouthed and furious! I am mixed race and 2 other friends in the group are from another European country.

I told her that I had no idea she had such controversial opinions and that i didn't want to carry on a conversation with a racist. And then I left.

We haven't spoken since, but I have spoken to other members of the group and have been told that she is 'deeply hurt' that I called her a racist and she wants an apology.

I stand by what I said and i don't want to apologise.


kmc1111 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:27:05

Of course you're not BU!

If any of these other friends were actually suggesting an apology was at all warranted I'd be cutting them loose along with her.

RhiWrites Thu 14-Dec-17 09:28:50

If she doesn’t want to be called a racist she should inflict her racist opinions on people.

RhiWrites Thu 14-Dec-17 09:29:04


Sarahjconnor Thu 14-Dec-17 09:29:45

Good for you. No bystanders.

YellowFlower201 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:31:22

YANBU. What did the other friends do. She's a nut job if she thinks saying that is not racist.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 14-Dec-17 09:32:20

No you're not.

As for the other group members passing on the fact she wants an apology I assumed they also commented that she was in the wrong! If not, and they are expecting you to apologise then I'd bin them off too!

aintnothinbutagstring Thu 14-Dec-17 09:33:44

YANBU, I'd tell her and your other friends she'll be waiting a long time if she wants an apology and that you stand by what you said. What makes people think its ok to air their racist views, I for one am sick of hearing them from colleagues and they think everyone thinks the same as them, idiots.

AristotlesTrousers Thu 14-Dec-17 09:36:45

Goodness, no YANBU. Absolutely not. You did the right thing.

Creatureofthenight Thu 14-Dec-17 09:38:07

If she doesn't want to be called a racist she shouldn't be a racist. Absolutely do not give any ground over this.

Jenala Thu 14-Dec-17 09:38:46

If thats really what she said, that directly, then of course yanbu.

If the discussion was a bit more nuanced and she was trying to make some other points that you took to mean what you say above then maybe yabu.

I can't really think what positive things anyone could say about Trump but you see it online all the time, people trying to make a valid point about someone/something and being shouted down immediately and being told they are xenophobic or something. For example there's fairly good arguments for the US to have an immigration policy that's more like the Canadian one, with points assigned based on skills etc rather than the focus on family reunification. But to say that can appear to be in agreement with Trump and can have you shouted down as a hateful racist bigot immediately.

RestingGrinchFace Thu 14-Dec-17 09:40:28

YANBU for calling her a racist, the crime comment was racist.

Nicolamarlow1 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:40:33

Yanbu. What a hateful thing to say! I would have been just as furious, and how dare she air her racist views when she is in company with you? Racist, insensitive, utterly indefensible.

Jenala Thu 14-Dec-17 09:42:08

Before anyone jumps down my throat let me clarify again that if the conversation is just as op said then there are no excuses and op is clearly in the right. But having seen the authoritarian nature on the left st the moment you can't always be sure. It seems spectacularly insane to talk like that especially in a group of people with diverse backgrounds.

nellieellie Thu 14-Dec-17 09:42:13

“People should stick to their own people and stay in their own countries”. If that ISNT racist, then Im not sure what is. Not that it’s exactly the point, but it’s a direct personal attack on you too as a mixed race person. Good for you for walking out, and shame on your friends for reinforcing her racism. If she is “deeply hurt” you called her a racist, then she should stop being one.

HuskyMcClusky Thu 14-Dec-17 09:42:54

You need to ask? Really??

mamamalt Thu 14-Dec-17 09:44:53

Wait. There is someone on here today upset she was called a racist c*nt by a colleague... weird.

mamamalt Thu 14-Dec-17 09:45:16

Colleague/friend at work called me a racist cunt

spiritofadventure Thu 14-Dec-17 09:45:43

That is exactly what she said.

I can respect other people's opinions, even if I disagree with them, if they are put forward intelligently and are based on fact.

But I have no time for small minded people with ignorant opinions that are based on nothing more than what they read in the tabloids.

I am absolutely not going to apologise.

spiritofadventure Thu 14-Dec-17 09:47:25

Haha! That other thread wasn't started by my friend 😂

KimmySchmidt1 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:48:00

She is an ignorant racist. How can you even consider being friends with her?

YellowFlower201 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:48:14

Good for you OP! Tell your friends you're deeply hurt by what she said and look forward to receiving her apology. Job done!

chickenowner Thu 14-Dec-17 09:48:31

Report back to your mutual friends that you are 'deeply hurt' and would like her to apologise to you for saying racist things.

chickenowner Thu 14-Dec-17 09:48:55

Cross post yellowflower !

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:51:12

Live & let live? Just because opinions differ does it really mean that you can never be friendly towards her again?
Am rather sick of this only one view is allowed society. You don't have to agree with her or even discuss it.

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