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To not send my 4yo to nursery Christmas do

(20 Posts)
Emlou07 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:48:01

So my 4 year old has hardly been to nursery this term. We've had illnesses after illness and bugs on and off since October. It happens every year, we stay unwell until around Feb. She was prem with respiratory distress, so a normal cold makes her quite bad.

It's her Christmas do at nursery today. She wanted to go until I mentioned that I was going to take her sister (2.5yo) to look at some toys (as she can't join the do). Since then she's adamant that she doesn't want to go. Point blank refusing. I have no issue with this, she's sort of out of the habit of going now and I think she's a bit nervous of going back. I said to nursery earlier in the week that maybe we will forget the rest of this term and start fresh in January.

However, as she starts school next year, this will be her last Christmas do at nursery. I say 'do' but it's more just songs, maybe some Christmas crafts and a trip to the church next to the nursery for a few songs and the Christmas story. (We're not religious, so that doesn't matter too much)

I'm unsure if not 'making' her go is the right thing to do. I'm more than happy to let her use some birthday money on a toy and spend the day at home playing. I just feel bad that she will miss it/not fully understand that she will miss it, despite having explained lots to her.

AIBU to say 'never mind' and go toy shopping instead? Or would you send her (if it were your child)?

Glumglowworm Thu 14-Dec-17 08:52:26

She’s only 4, you don’t want her to catch a bug from a child who was up ill all night but “really wanted to come!” It doesn’t sound like you need it for childcare

Have a lovely day with the two of them

Stompythedinosaur Thu 14-Dec-17 08:54:08

I think the mistake was telling her you were going toy shopping at the same time, if you wanted her to go.

Personally I wouldn't make her go, but I would try to negotiate e.g. have decided no to go toy shopping then so it is nursery party or staying home doing something boring. If she goes then you will go and look at toys together when you pick her up.

Do the kids get a present from Santa at the party? Ours always did. If so it might be worth mentioning that too.

If she still doesn't want to go I wouldn't force her though.

Emlou07 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:56:40

Definitely a mistake telling her. It was more of a passing comment.

They don't get a santa visit, but a wrapped up book each.

I did say 'how about nursery then go and look at toys' but she said no.

She was adamant that she didn't want to go today anyway, it was just mention of the party that swayed her. Then the toy was enough to sway her the other way again... 'face palm!'

Jinglebells99 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:57:01

Why not take them both to look at some toys another time that doesn't clash with the party? Then she isn't missing out.

Emlou07 Thu 14-Dec-17 08:58:56


I suggested going tomorrow or even after the party. But she still decided she didn't want to go anyway sad

Nodney Thu 14-Dec-17 09:01:17

I'd take her toy shopping - she's 4 and has plenty of Christmas parties ahead of her!

Emlou07 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:24:13

Shopping it is! Will pop into hobby craft and try and find some Christmas bits to decorate at home x

KimmySchmidt1 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:53:48

so you have told her about something you are excluding her from while she is at the party - what a surprise she does not now want to go.

have her go to the party so she has some social interaction, and go toy shopping another time with BOTH your children so one does not feel left out.

Sheesh - basic parenting tip is not excluding one child from something fun arbitrarily.

Emlou07 Thu 14-Dec-17 09:58:18


zzzzz Thu 14-Dec-17 10:02:26

You are MASSIVELY over thinking this. Go, don’t go, no major life lessons or feelings of regret will ensue. It’s a nursery fun day not her wedding.

SpareASquare Thu 14-Dec-17 12:13:55

Go. Don't go. Whatever. Not a big deal. Or wouldn't be but it's clear that you didn't really her to go OP and you manipulated the situation to ensure she didn't want to. THis way you can say it is your child who didn't want to.

Worrying behaviour

Mammylamb Thu 14-Dec-17 13:24:30

Spare calm down! Jeezy peeps you are reading an awful lot into this

Emlou07 Thu 14-Dec-17 16:30:31


What the actual fuck are you talking about? It was a passing comment to my younger daughter that she heard. Surely if I wanted to ‘manipulate’ the situation I would have suggested we go shopping instead? hmm

Anywho! We went shopping, had a lovely day playing.

SpareASquare Thu 14-Dec-17 19:39:18

Spare calm down! Jeezy peeps you are reading an awful lot into this

Nah, I'm pretty calm. I'm also pretty meh about concerts etc so totally get not being that keen to go.
I see this kind of manipulation more than I'd like so I think I'm reading the situation just fine.
Christmas do, not such a big deal. Carrying this over into other areas? Worrying.

Surely if I wanted to ‘manipulate’ the situation I would have suggested we go shopping instead?
Well, really, you did. grin
A 'passing comment' about how her sister gets to go look at toys? Uh, huh. .

Emlou07 Thu 14-Dec-17 20:44:23


Jeez.. You must be knackered with all that excercise.. jumping to conclusions is hard work! wink

ShimmeringBollox Thu 14-Dec-17 20:47:01

Erm, who put 50p in the dickhead ? Come on fess up.

SpareASquare Thu 14-Dec-17 21:13:47

Jeez.. You must be knackered with all that excercise.. jumping to conclusions is hard work! wink

Nah, took no effort at all. It's all right there in the OP wink

I am curious as to why there is such a disproportionate level of angst though confused

pigeondujour Thu 14-Dec-17 21:23:04

Spare you sound like a complete lunatic.

QuackPorridgeBacon Thu 14-Dec-17 23:52:47

I’d worry about keeping her off until January as it can get harder to go back but they will be having a break soon anyway for Christmas so it shouldn’t matter. My nearly four year old just didn’t want to go in today and I am done holding her down to get he dressed etc (she loves nursery when she is there and excitedly tells us about her day and her teacher says she is great) so I didn’t force her and let her stay at home. She is going in tomorrow though because she is singing songs for us or something and wants us to be there which we will. She has recently gotten over a big (followed the 48 hour rule) her sister ended up in hospital though and she has been ill since she started in October. I keep her home, she eats better and instantly comes home sick again. I’m fed up with it to be honest as her sister avoided hospital last year and never caught a bug and now some stupid parent is sending their child in sick. I’ve also now paid £50 for the younger child’s nursery that she couldn’t attend... I’ll be glad for the Christmas break so we can all finally get better.

Sorry for the rant but at this age staying home or not isn’t a big deal really. It happens more than we realise I think.

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