AIBU to say something?(13 Posts)
OK, so I will try to keep this as succinct as possible.
I've been a manager to someone for a couple of years. This person I got on well with on a work and personal level - we did some social stuff together (outdoor activities rather than social pub type thing). Her work was good, never brilliant but good.
About 6 months ago performance began to drop quite dramatically and i was made aware that on every occasion possible she was playing the smiling assassin and trying to 'get me in trouble' with the boss (the MD) - it was less childish than that but I can't think of another way to describe it! I have a great relationship with MD so I don't have any concerns on that front.
This person had a very high opinion of her capabilities within her role and was visibly miffed when someone half her age was promoted over her. In reality she was in the right job for her ability and experience but constantly made comments about how her abilities were being overlooked. All the right things were done with regards to offering support to gain skills to improve etc but they were always turned down. They resented quite clearly the fact that I was 'in her way' between her and the MD and became very bitter. All the while they continued to be pleasant, friendly, conspiratorial (often trying to lead me in discussing other colleagues) towards me.
Long story short, they handed in their notice and ramped up the disruption in terms of bitchiness behind mine (and everyone else's) back.
They have now gone to work with someone who is a friend of the MD. When the MD questioned her friend about this fact - nothing had been mentioned to her, this former employee of ours has basically said that 'Mrs Effington is pulling the wool over the MD's eyes and is not what she claims to be'
MD has shared this information with me. MD has no concerns about me or my performance so from a work point of view i have few concerns.
So, finally, here is the question... what do I do with this information? The sensible person in me says to leave well alone, it says more about them than me but in reality I am rocked by this, I cannot even begin to think what is meant by that comment. It has really upset me. I have supported, trained, laughed and cried with this person, taken the flak for mistakes done, protected and championed them and they say this with the express purpose of undermining my role. The fact that the MD, if they believed such a thing of me would have given me my marching orders and not just given me a significant salary increase and package enhancement...
I am trying to be the bigger person and leave well alone and clearly in my professional role I cannot contact themto ask. But... can i text themin our (former) friends role and ask what the actual fuck they are talking about?
I also want them to know that their comments haven't had the desired effect but I'm someone who takes great care to treat others as I would like to be treated, I just can't get this out of my head...
Can I message them? Or do I walk away and leave well alone (it doesn't help that I know the people they have said this too - we work occasionally together and I CANNOT bear the fact that they have this in their heads
What say Mumsnetters?
Leave it alone. Apart from anything else your MD / MD's friend may be pissed the information was padded on.
Yeah keep quiet. You could seriously puss off the MD if it goes full circle bit also this person is looking for a reaction. They want drama. Your power lies in denying them that. Enjoy your payrise and move on
Yep. MD's friend will discover her mediocre work performance soon enough.
Keep the higher ground.
How about contacting her, asking how they are getting on and let them know that you've had a chat with your MD and as a result have had a huge pay rise and an increase in responsibilities .
See how she likes them apples!
Maintain your professional dignity and leave well alone
BTW - your MD shouldn't be tittle tattling either.
Leave it. When you are a manager staff won’t necessarily always say great things about you. Such is life. Hopefully the majority will but you can’t please everyone. Ignore all of this. Not worth your energy.
Is there a sentence missing ?
'Not what she claims to be' is a very mild insult and literally could mean anything
How could they fire you over that? What is it she's implying your lying about/can't do?
I wouldn't do anything about this apart from call her a twat if I bumped into her
It's more professional.
Like you said, your MD has just given you a salary increase, so he clearly knows all that has been said is bullshit.
And hopefully everyone else knows you well enough to know what she is accusing you of is not something you would do.
She sounds very bitter and is trying to place the blame of her situation on someone other than herself.
It's easier to believe you've been passed over for a promotion because of x y z rather than because your not good enough after being in your job for years.
Move on and be grateful that she's gone.
She will continue to bitch and moan and be her own undoing in her new workplace. Listen to that sensible voice and do nothing.
Your MD has done you a favour by warning you of how this person speaks of you. Now do yourself a further favour by not speaking if it to anyone else. Especially not her. Then you will know how she speaks of you, but she won't know that you know.
I'm not being paranoid; this will put you in a position of strength.
Thank you for your responses. Sensible head will stay on and I will say nothing - LaurieFairyCAke - no sentence missing and certainly no risk of being fired over it - there is no substance it's just her spreading malicious nonsense about me to make people reflect on me rather than her!
I shall keep schtum and look forward to when our paths cross at the next sporty event we are no doubt going to be at!
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