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For not wanting to spend Christmas with my ex and his family

(27 Posts)
FairyFuckDailyMail Wed 13-Dec-17 22:29:33

Fuck off Daily Mail

Basically just asking that. I just came off the phone yet again with my ex-h who wants us all (me, him and our 2 kids ) to spend Christmas with his parents.

To not drip feed and give a bit of background.
We split up 2.5 years ago after I discovered his affair. In the 2 years he was largely absent after he moved in with OW. He would see kids and then go 5-6 months with no contact. First 12 months never paid any maintenance but went abroad every 6-8 weeks. His relationship started falling apart when CSA caught up with him and he had to start paying meaning holidays stopped and that was the start of the end of their relationship. Would have been no contact for both Christmases until his dad got hold of him and he turned up for 20 mins on the day first year empty handed, completely ruined the whole day and left with the kids in tears, me in tears etc and a police officer at my door after a call to Samaritans. Last year no contact. Also note that both these Christmases was spent me alone with our 2 kids. All my family live abroad. Living local to the sister and in laws who hosted Christmas and not onced invited the kids and I. But being mum I made sure they had a day they didn’t forget. All presents was bought by me under the tree as kids were at the age they still believed. In laws will then give their presents few days after. Eldest only found out yesterday about Father Christmas. At no point did he offer to help or pay extra or anything to make Christmas for the kids. (Please note that I celebrate Christmas with the kids since I’ve had them and with maternal family as my paternal Family is from another religion). At no point in the almost decade that we were married has this been an issue.

Fast forward this summer, attempted suicide see him getting close with his family who has been disgusted by his behaviour and haven’t seen him in the 2 years that we have split. So this brings him closer to them but eventually the end of his relationship with OW by the end of the summer. Come Oct (less than 2 months later) he started a new relationship causing lots of upset with kids who just thought they started getting their dad back. Again I help and facilitate to make it all work. I cancel my activities if he can’t pick the kids up etc. I encourage the kids to have a good relationship with new GF.

He is the type of person who when convenient forget about all the hurt he caused. Which is fine by me as I’ve moved on after him a long time ago. But what I dont wish to do is to play happy families with him and his family when the last 2 years the girls didn’t matter to any of them. What is to say this doesn’t change again. What happens next year. This is the man that took the 2 years that school and I worked with our kids to get over the upset he caused and broke it all down in seconds that school had to call me in 2 weeks ago because they realised the “non-girlfriend” is actually a girlfriend as she stayed over and they saw her at his in the morning.

So sorry for the long waffle and thanks for those who got to the end. But AIBU for not wanting to spend Christmas with my Twunting Ex.

justdontevenfuckingstart Wed 13-Dec-17 22:33:16

Just say no.

Ellendegeneres Wed 13-Dec-17 22:34:16

I'd tell him to fuck right off

MollyWantsACracker Wed 13-Dec-17 22:36:00

That’s a no from me too. No. No. No.

BewareOfDragons Wed 13-Dec-17 22:39:12

Just say no and have a lovely Christmas with your DCs.

SabineUndine Wed 13-Dec-17 22:39:22

Tell him to fuck off to his parents and leave you and your kids alone.

IrkThePurist Wed 13-Dec-17 22:41:23

No you arent. On the Ex DP Bingo Card you nearly got a full house.

bringbacksideburns Wed 13-Dec-17 22:41:23

Stop him from controlling you.
I'd sort out legal advice for contact too so he stops messing your kids about.

bluesu Wed 13-Dec-17 22:41:37

Nope. No way.
I can't stress this enough : you are not obliged to do this.

Have a lovely Christmas with your DC

BlackeyedSusan Wed 13-Dec-17 22:42:13

no. would be good.

I unfortuantely could not stop at no and there would be several swear words.

PastaOfMuppets Wed 13-Dec-17 22:42:16

He can fuck off. Yanbu.

user1465335180 Wed 13-Dec-17 22:43:14

Sorry but a big NO from me too. If they wanted to see you and your children they would have asked long, long before this

PastaOfMuppets Wed 13-Dec-17 22:43:48

Oh yeah, and his family can probably do one too, if they never tried to see your DCs at Christmas in the past two years either. Late gifts when they live nearby is just upsetting but not even bothering to invite you or do nice things with their DGCs is shitty behaviour.

MsJolly Wed 13-Dec-17 22:44:29

Yep-he can fuck the fuck off.

Enjoy Christmas with your girls x

PastaOfMuppets Wed 13-Dec-17 22:44:39

Haha, X post with @User!

FairyFuckDailyMail Wed 13-Dec-17 22:51:12

Thank you. Your responses did make me laugh as when he suggested it last week my immediate response was “It’s a big Fat No from me”. He wanted to discuss it and I just said. No thank you. It’s a no from me.
On our friends Xmas night out at the weekend I mentioned it to my friends and they laughed at my response.
But tonight he was so insistent that it almost made me doubt myself and he just didn’t want to take no for an answer.

saladdays66 Wed 13-Dec-17 22:59:51

Christ, no, tell him to FOTTFSOFATFFSM.

Really. Enjoy Christmas with your own dc.

BunsOfAnarchy Wed 13-Dec-17 23:01:40

No. He's fucked about too much with you and you dc's lives. And where were the in laws during all this?Did they not give a shit about their grandkids? Did they not even think to pop over on Xmas day or invite you when he fucked off? Bollocks to 'family' like that! Your kids are not a toy you pick up and play with when you're in the mood.

Hell no. You're doing a brilliant job on your own, hold your head high and tell him to go f himself whilst choking on a sprout.

Have a brill Xmas with your children OP x

FairyFuckDailyMail Wed 13-Dec-17 23:12:21

To be fair to his parents when I’ve been in a situation especially to start when he didn’t pay any maintenance they helped out. But they’ve also unknowingly enabled a lot of the shit he caused.
There is that typical In-Law issue where the sons kids is not as important as the daughters kids and the unfairness of it all. The fact that when I returned to work after being a SAHM for years I wasn’t offered any childcare help but that the daughter who could afford a live in nanny has been getting 1.5 days of childcare for the last 8 years. That happened whilst we were married and no change to that.

We have a love/hate relationship to explain it better. Meaning we get on as long as ex is either largely absent or when he is around he is doesn’t screw up because I then vocalise it and then we have this argument where we don’t talk until we have to. It’s the kids only family or grandparents and I won’t stop them from seeing them but I don’t want to do the happy families thing anymore as I’m no longer family.

AnnieAnoniMouse Wed 13-Dec-17 23:13:31

Never second guess yourself where he’s concerned. Never forget that YOU were the one who put the kids first while he put himself first and is still. His family is a shower of shite too. Just tell him it’s NOT up for negotiation.

yorkshireyummymummy Wed 13-Dec-17 23:13:44

It's a no from me too.
He's a shit Dad - and his parents are not much better , not even inviting you and your children for the last two Christmases.
Why should he get what he wants? He really really does not deserve to spend Christmas with your precious kids.
Oh, and he is introducing girlfriends too soon as well.
I would only let him see the kids if he is on his own/ with you/ with his parents - it's messing with their heads with these women. Trust me, I'm still getting psychiatric help for the mess my parents made of my childhood.
You tell him Ho Ho Ho it's a NO NO NO. Then plan yourself a lovely day with your darling kids with new pajamas and lots of chocolate and games!
I wish you all a very happy Christmas ( without the knob!!)

Giraffey1 Wed 13-Dec-17 23:21:50

Just say no. Don’t even discuss it. If he tries when he rings you (I’d be limited his calls as well) say, it’s not open for discussion, so I’m going to end the call now. And hang up!

PersianCatLady Wed 13-Dec-17 23:37:15

Two words "fuck" and "off"

oliveinacampervan Wed 13-Dec-17 23:53:55

YANBU. But you do know you are encouraging the Daily Fail to pick up on this story right?

LouHotel Thu 14-Dec-17 00:01:03

No no no no no.

Even if he came to you on bended knees begging for forgiveness.

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