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My kid is weird, but I wouldn't get her tested...

(92 Posts)
Nimueh Wed 13-Dec-17 16:19:37

Ok, I need to vent.

My DS has spent the last 4 years under CAMHS being assessed for ASD. Recently it was his birthday and he felt like he would enjoy a small party. Thankfully some children could come. grin

At the party one of the children's parents asked why my child was not eating any food. I responded by saying he didn't really like any of the food on offer. She asked why I had prepared food my son didn't like at his party. I explained that he had chosen the menu himself and was very insistent, he chose foods he knew his friends would enjoy. She kept pushing the issue and I then felt I should explain further and told her that he was currently being assessed for ASD. To which she responded 'Well my child is weird but I wouldn't get her tested'.

AIBU to feel upset by this? Or am I overreacting a bit?

I don't like the use of the word weird. He is not weird, I didn't take him to the Dr because he was weird. He is a little quirky, but I love that about him and wouldn't want him to change. He is awesome. But autism is so much more than being a bit quirky. It's difficult. It's difficult for him and it's difficult for us. It's exhausting. And whilst everyone else's child is enjoying Christmas, mine is under a blanket because there are too many lights and sounds and changes.

I tried to explain some of the issues we face and why it is important he is able to access help. She just proceeded to list all the ways her child was 'weird' and finished every sentence with 'but I wouldn't get her tested'. I stopped the conversation as she obviously didn't understand my point of view. But I feel upset by the whole thing. Do other people share her opinion? Is this a common way of thinking?

I don't think every child who exhibits autistic type behaviour needs 'testing'. If a child is happy, thriving, doing well at school and a bit quirky then great. But if a child is struggling with the daily demands of life then surely as a parent we are duty bound to help.

Lancelottie Wed 13-Dec-17 16:21:37

Oh god, I think her child probably takes after her mother then. This woman sounds seriously lacking in social skill and brains.

You know you are doing the right thing. All the best to you and your boy.

Sirzy Wed 13-Dec-17 16:21:40

I think her comment just highlights her ignorance. Sadly that is still very common

newnamechange84 Wed 13-Dec-17 16:22:53

My DD was recently diagnosed with ASD and I have had similar remarks, in fact her father (separated) was furious and her teacher adamant that she didn't need a 'label' 🙄 Diagnosis for us has brought nothing but access to support not just for DD but for me and my DS's too. We've had the 'she's just quirky'... yes, but she's also autistic. Well done to your lovely boy for considering the needs of his friends over his own ❤️

FrancisCrawford Wed 13-Dec-17 16:23:01

You know you are doing everything to make sure your DS has as many opportunities as possible

And you are obviously doing a great job bcos he is thinking about his guests before himself

Ignore her

Ketzele Wed 13-Dec-17 16:26:23

Ah love, people say the oddest, most insensitive things. Every now and then we have a thread on the adoption board where we all vent about the crass things people have said to us about our kids, and it cheers us up immensely.

You are an awesome mother; she is a fool. Don't give her a moment's extra thought.

Fekko Wed 13-Dec-17 16:27:52

How horrible and pretty stupid. Was she trying to be funny? I'm afraid 'weird' is a word that you will hear so please try to let it wash over you. She is ignorant and obviously lacking in social skills - and has no reason for this beyond being bloody rude.

Your son sounds like an absolute sweetheart for picking the food that his friends would enjoy. He is a credit to you, being so thoughtful and kind. What a lovely natured kid! Unlike some people...

Ellendegeneres Wed 13-Dec-17 16:29:24

You're doing exactly right by your ds- she is just an ignorant twat.
My ds is waiting for testing too, I think it will benefit so I am not punishing behaviours he cannot help- his meltdowns for example. In some ways it looks like he's just reacting to being told no- but in others it's much much more. I want to understand him better, and when he's older he will be able to too

BalloonSlayer Wed 13-Dec-17 16:32:36

She didn't call your DS weird though. She called her DD weird.

NotAgainYoda Wed 13-Dec-17 16:34:04

Well, I just think she's a bit intellectually unimaginative

MissionItsPossible Wed 13-Dec-17 16:36:53

I don't know how some people have the cheek to make comments like that. Then again I'm always the one reading CF threads like shock thinking "As if you allowed all of that to happen"! Good on you for stopping the conversation. I probably would have snapped and said something mean (and deserved).

blackdoggotmytongue Wed 13-Dec-17 16:37:51

Kids are weird though. Autistic ones and NT ones. I have both. (And I got them tested.) She sounds a bit bizarre, but I use that phrase all the time. Kids are bloody weird. I don’t have an issue with the phrase (nor, in particular, the idea that weird NT kids don’t need testing.) Weird is pretty normal for kids.

Clearly if a child is struggling, they need support. Struggling is different from weird though... sounds like she dug herself into a bit of a hole and couldn’t get out of it? Maybe didn’t know ds was getting tested and was embarrassed?

laurzj82 Wed 13-Dec-17 16:37:59

The mum sounds like she needs testing. Don't waste your energy giving her a second thought flowers

MissionItsPossible Wed 13-Dec-17 16:38:14

She didn't call your DS weird though. She called her DD weird

I think it's implied. "Well my child is weird [like yours/too] but I wouldn't get her tested"

ItWentInMyEye Wed 13-Dec-17 16:39:24

Ignore her ignorance. Your son sounds fab smile

elliejjtiny Wed 13-Dec-17 16:39:44

She is really rude. And your little boy sounds lovely. I have 1 child who has an ASD diagnosis and 1 about to start the assessment process.

Notreallyarsed Wed 13-Dec-17 16:39:46

I’m autistic and all 3 of our kids are too (my “defective” genes according to my HV hmm ) and if I had a quid for every half baked ridiculous comment someone had made I’d be in the fucking Bahamas by now! Your son is not weird, he’s exactly as he should be. She’s a twat. A massive twat.

IceBearRocks Wed 13-Dec-17 16:41:35

I'd say...good for you ...but if your kid is anything like mine be, pretty soon you'll find they need extra support that only the label can provide !!!

Now fuck off and take you wierd kid with you!!!...... Okay I wouldn't say that...but I'd think it!!!!

Frederickvonhefferneffer Wed 13-Dec-17 16:41:37

What a rude and horrible woman. shock

WorraLiberty Wed 13-Dec-17 16:42:00

You describe your child as 'quirky' and she describes hers as 'weird'.

Some people use these words interchangeably, so I wouldn't read anything into it.

Eolian Wed 13-Dec-17 16:43:11

She's clearly an ignorant idiot.

Allfednonedead Wed 13-Dec-17 16:43:26

She was being extraordinarily rude. She might not want to have her DC tested - presumably that means she doesn't perceive her child as facing problems she needs help with.
Well, bully for her. You, like me, recognised your son may need some extra support or a different approach to parenting and have done your best to get that for him. You have done the right thing by your son and should pay no attention to the ignorant remarks of other parents who are wilfully ignoring their child's needs.
(If you find yourself in such a situation again, why don't you take the fight to them? "Really? Do you not worry you're letting her down by neglecting her obvious needs?" <headtilt>

crackerjacket Wed 13-Dec-17 16:43:47

Strange how the kid is 'weird' too...

YouTheCat Wed 13-Dec-17 16:47:22

Your son sounds like an absolutely lovely child. Really thoughtful, which is more than can be said for the mother who made the comments.

TheDizzyRascal Wed 13-Dec-17 16:47:36

Your son sounds awesome, what a little hero for choosing food that his friends would like even though he didn't! This rude woman could learn a thing or two from him. Forget about her and enjoy Christmas with your little superstar xxxxx

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