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2 girls, are you trying for a boy next?

(79 Posts)
DontFundHate Wed 13-Dec-17 10:26:15

We have one girl and another on the way and already people are asking if we're disappointed our 2nd isn't a boy, and if we'll try for a boy next. This is partly due to our culture, where traditionally boys are preferred.

This really hurts for lots of reasons - we are thrilled to be having two girls, I always wanted a sister. We have had fertility problems so two children is a real blessing, pregnancy is very high risk for me and I've been advised to stop at 2 children - this is something I'm still coming to terms with.

So, what do I say to everyone asking if we're disappointed baby's not a boy or are we going to try again? So far I've been brushing it off with a laugh, "no more children, we're getting a dog next!" But actually a big part of me wants to tell them off for asking, it's so rude.

Posting in aibu in the hope of a good one liner!

OnASummersDay Wed 13-Dec-17 10:30:22

It's so inappropriate! As if you can 'try' for a certain sex anyway, it's a 50/50 chance.

In future I would keep an entirely straight face, don't laugh, and just change the subject. Sometimes a lack of reaction gets the message across.

CrazyMary Wed 13-Dec-17 10:31:52

Just say "the most important thing is that they are healthy, happy and loved". Some people are such idiots and don't think before they speak. Congratulations on your baby.

MikeUniformMike Wed 13-Dec-17 10:35:10

Someone will ask. I would say you're delighted that you'll have two girls as you wished you had a sister.
I think two of the same is great.

Rebeccaslicker Wed 13-Dec-17 10:36:25

The best I can come up with is "fuck right off". Which is the response they deserve but probably not the one you can give!!

Enko Wed 13-Dec-17 10:38:08

I had this happen when dd2 arrived (are you disappointed) I was thrilled. I so wanted dd1 to have a sister and another dd was what I had wished for. The poor person who got all my frustration on this was my dearly loved granddad when he as the 502384308243 person asked (ok exaggerating a bit but it felt like that) and I snapped " no it was what I ordered" when DS arrived everyone told us we could " stop now we had the boy" errr I was aiming for a baby..

sausagerollsrock Wed 13-Dec-17 10:40:26

Just say 'no we aren't trying for a boy and besides i didn't know there was a way to guarantee the sex of a baby? I'm happy with my healthy girls'

GreenPurpleRed Wed 13-Dec-17 10:41:05

I had this with dd2. I genuinely wanted same-sex siblings so I was very happy to say no, wouldn't be trying for dc3 to get ds.

I was annoyed with my dm who said what a shame dd2 wasn't ds but the fact I wanted a dd meant I actually didn't give a shit what people said.

treaclesoda Wed 13-Dec-17 10:41:54

Fix them with a look and say sarcastically 'actually we're hoping for a puppy/elf/unicorn/something equally ridiculous this time'.

People are so insensitive about this stuff, it really pisses me off. A friend with three boys used to say 'you seem very disappointed about our boys. Lucky we don't feel the same, eh?'

SherbertFizz Wed 13-Dec-17 10:43:42

I feel your pain OP...when I told MIL I was expecting my DD her reply was 'never mind, you can try for a boy next time'! It still makes me fume.

I've also know a few women who have had several children more than they ideally wanted just to try and get a boy.

On a more positive note I think attitudes are changing as people begin to understand that in modern society males and females are on a more equal footing- girls are not as vulnerable (and hence not a source of potential concern) as they perhaps were/are in some societies.

givemesteel Wed 13-Dec-17 10:48:23

Urrrrggggghhhh I feel your pain OP. I am also pregnant with dd2 and get the same reaction from some people. People seem to assume my dh will be disappointed that it's not a son. My dh absolutely adores our dd1 and was happy to have another girl because of this.

I too had fertility problems and I have a genetic disability that runs in my family so if this child is healthy I'll be relieved and genuinely don't care about the sex.

I don't know why people think this is OK to comment on, it's a human being they're talking about sad

RaeCJ82 Wed 13-Dec-17 10:49:04

Ugh so rude!! I have a DD already and if we decide to try for a second, I'd love another girl. I'd just say in a light manner that that's an awful suggestion and that you're more than happy! Why not call out rudeness...?!

x2boys Wed 13-Dec-17 10:50:40

Yep i have two sons I got the same will you be trying for a girl next are you disappointed etc people talk shit.

Pandoraslastchance Wed 13-Dec-17 10:52:51

I know how you feel. When pregnant with our third child everyone would comment "are you wishing for a boy?" Or "if its abother girl will you try again?" And when we announced dd3 safe arrival (traumatic delivery) we were met with more bloody comments about "another girl, bad luck" bad luck?!?!?!?!?they were lucky I was bedbound.

Yeah it's like a blind bag toy where if it isn't the right one I'll just keep on trying hmm it used to piss me off no end.

I'm very happy with my 3 girls.

HamishBamish Wed 13-Dec-17 10:53:06

I find these kinds of comments bizarre. You have what you have and can't influence it. I have 2 boys and have absolutely no want or earning for a girl whatsoever. In fact, I was secretly hoping for another boy, but of course would have been equally as happy to have had a girl.

dahliaaa Wed 13-Dec-17 10:55:19

'No - personally I'd like a giraffe'

specialsubject Wed 13-Dec-17 11:09:44

Tell them off, as rudely as you want.

These primitive and evil attitudes will only ever stop if challenged.

Mybodydoesntlikechildbirth1 Wed 13-Dec-17 11:10:03

I think this happens the other way as well, when I announced I was having a boy loads of people said ‘oh what a shame your DD won’t have a sister’ and ‘ah it’s a shame as brothers and sisters are rarely close’ you can’t win!

RestingGrinchFace Wed 13-Dec-17 11:12:15

YANBU. We have two sons. We never get asked these questions. It is insensitive with an undercurrent of misogyny.

StinkPickle Wed 13-Dec-17 11:15:15

I have 3 boys and have been asked this CONSTANTLY. “Are you going to try for a girl”

People are now asking if we will have a 4th to try and get a girl.

It’s so rude and insensitive and often asked in front of my boys so they feel they’re not enough.

Having a girl is not the be all and end all! <grrrr>

Schlimbesserung Wed 13-Dec-17 11:18:03

I have four sons and I still get asked if I'm going to try again for a girl. Usually (in fact almost always) by people who know that our only daughter died at birth.
If I'm in a good mood I ask them if they realise that you can't breed from a pair. If not they get a more "both barrels" reply.
My neighbour has four girls and she had exactly the same sort of nonsense to deal with. She used to grin and say she was sure she wouldn't know what to do with a boy if she had one.

Ellendegeneres Wed 13-Dec-17 11:19:22

I get this all the time with two boys. I'm always hmm cause anyone who knows me knows I'm disabled so no chance I possibly could. Anyone who doesn't know me can see I struggle to walk, so I think it's highly inappropriate anyway.
I always respond with why would I? I've two hands and two kids- and they're perfect, why would I upset the flow?

NeilTheSloth Wed 13-Dec-17 11:23:11

Don’t you know OP? There’s only one type of family that’s acceptable: 1 girl/1 boy, around 18months - 2 years apart.

Anything else you have to spend the rest of your life totally unsatisfied with your family.

(One of my pet peeves, this type of thing angry)

newmumwithquestions Wed 13-Dec-17 11:26:17

If it wouldn’t be taken the wrong way: ‘Don’t worry, we’ll make this one a lesbian’

Or ‘I’m delighted but feel free to buy a stick on penis if you like’.

Just a firm ‘don’t be silly’ should suffice.

It’s bloody stupid. But very common (mum of 2 girls here!).

ONONARISTON Wed 13-Dec-17 11:29:00

schlim that's horrendous. What's wrong with some people? I'm so sorry about your daughter.

I got the trying for a boy spiel when I was expecting DD2 and it really upset me. Then she was stillborn. We went on to have another girl and thankfully most people shut up then. I would have liked a son at some point, definitely, but at the same time I'm not sad about it. I'm just happy to have two little individuals at home.

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