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AIBU or is he? Cats, new flat, money, boyfriend

(208 Posts)
twiney Wed 13-Dec-17 09:41:37

I'm going to try and keep this short and objective.

Me and my BF of one year are moving in together after him basically living at mine.

We found an amazing new place that has a balcony leading on to a huge massive rooftop terrace. The terrace is huge and has 360 degree views of the city (140m2).

The apartment fits all his criteria and I like it too - except one of my major criteria was having outdoor space for my beloved cats, which is why we originally were looking at houses.

I will be paying the vast majority of the rent and will need to find the deposit money, because I make a lot more than him.

I found a company that specialises in catproofing terraces so I want to pay them to come abd fit out the terrace. This means we can still enjoy it, but as a bonus the cats will have a massive and SAFE rooftop playground to enjoy. Theres no way in hell I would let them out without it and I would be nervous they would slip out to the unprotected rooftop as cats ofteb do.

My boyfriend refuses to have the terrace secured as he says the chickenwire style fencing around the rooftop will ruin the view. He says we should catproof the small balcony but leave the terrace open.

Who is BU? I see his point that its annoying. But I love my cats and he knows that my major priority in moving was getting them some space.

I also admit to feeling a little resentment - im the one doing most of the shelling out here, so shouldnt he just enjoy having an amazing flat at subsidised rent and let me get on with it?

But maybe AIBU

twiney Wed 13-Dec-17 09:46:08

Sorry I know that ended up being neither short nor objective! Its just annoying me because as well as me paying for most of it (he doesnt make much) I've done all the leg work for finding and getting us this place.

So I feel like hes being a bit of a brat.

I just dont know how much im supposed to compromise?

Can anyone tell me how they would feel about the fencing aspect if they were living with a partner who got this done? Ill attach a pic of the kind of thing it would look like

twiney Wed 13-Dec-17 09:47:58

It would look like this

specialsubject Wed 13-Dec-17 09:48:38

You pay, you choose. Sounds like you may be feeding more unproductive mouths than you think...

Hoppinggreen Wed 13-Dec-17 09:49:13

will it ruin the terrace though?
I think that if the cats are a major consideration and your bf doesn’t want the cat proofing then the flat isn’t suitable

MsHomeSlice Wed 13-Dec-17 09:49:48

sounds like he is keener on that flat than he is on you and the cats.

I'd be concerned tbh.

How nice he has found a flat that fits all his criteria AND has someone to fund it for him.

wildbluebelles Wed 13-Dec-17 09:49:54

Seeing as you are paying for the vast majority of this, I would be tempted to tell him to fuck off. The safety of your cats is obviously more important than his stupid view. What is he bringing to this relationship? He sounds like a bit of a sponge and a demanding one at that.

Hoppinggreen Wed 13-Dec-17 09:50:14

Just seen the picture, it looks awful.
I’m a cat lover, I redesigned our house to be able to have a cat flap but I’m sorry that fencing is horrible

PersianCatLady Wed 13-Dec-17 09:51:00

How does the landlord feel about you doing this?

mickeysminnie Wed 13-Dec-17 09:51:14

So he gets everything he wanta while you compromise and pay more for the privilege?
He is already showing you a tendency to be selfish, is this really a trait you want to live with?

SallySphinx Wed 13-Dec-17 09:52:10

Yanbu, tell him to fuck off!

PersianCatLady Wed 13-Dec-17 09:52:15

If you are moving to a flat, this may be prohibited in your landlord's head lease.

You can't move into a flat and just assume that you can start making changes like this.

MyKingdomForBrie Wed 13-Dec-17 09:52:59

I don’t think it’s awful. You have cats and that is what you need to live there safely, either he accepts it or you don’t live there.

He’s being totally unreasonable even if you paid 50/50 as he’s asking you to compromise your pets safety. They could easily slip out there at any time.

autumnkate Wed 13-Dec-17 09:53:24

The fencing is horrible. However, you need to feel comfortable in the flat so either he agrees to it or you don’t move in to it. Tell him to choose.

Cantuccit Wed 13-Dec-17 09:53:25

Was he paying rent when living at yours?

He sounds a bit of a cocklodger tbh.

You're paying all this rent deposit and he can't even bring himself to agree to some chicken wire to keep cats safe?

Sarahjconnor Wed 13-Dec-17 09:53:58

If I were you I'd go back to the drawing board and say

"no problem, lets for get the flat it's not at all suitable for my cats, which are my responsibility. We'll get a house as originally planned."

Then when he changes his mind and says you can cat proof make a 'pfffttt' noise and say you never really liked it anyway. If he wants toilet, HE should pay for the cat proofing.

PersianCatLady Wed 13-Dec-17 09:54:31

Even if your 'LL is OK with you having pets, it may be that pets are not permitted due to the building's head lease.

Sorry to sound negative but I have been through issues with cats and flats myself.

monkeyfacegrace Wed 13-Dec-17 09:54:39

Sorry but that fencing looks like something surrounding a high security prison. If I was the landlord I'd never allow it. The flat isn't suitable for cats. There really isn't much negotiating here.

LagunaBubbles Wed 13-Dec-17 09:54:53

Youre paying so you can install this for your cats if you want. But Im sorry it looks awful and I would also want to enjoy a view to...that would feel like I was in prison or something.

MyRelationshipIsWeird Wed 13-Dec-17 09:55:17

I can see both sides. Having a great rooftop terrace which then has prison-style fencing around it does somewhat ruin the charm. But if it means your cats have an outdoor space I can see why you want to do it.

I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable as such, but your different views on this will shape how it works living together.

Is it going to be “I don’t like that paint colour and I pay more rent than you, so my view trumps yours” every time you disagree?

I can see why you’re paying more but if it’s going to set up a two tier system where you get the deciding vote on every decision then you need to rethink the financial strategy here.

Either it’s your place and he pays you some rent etc, or it’s shared and you both have a say in how things work.

I wouldn’t be impressed if my DP used his higher income to make my views seem unimportant. Similarly I can see why you want to cat proof the space.

Maybe you need to keep looking until you find a ground floor place, or accept that they’re house cats (with a balcony). This is easier if they’re used to being kept inside and if you give them high perches, lots of stimulating toys etc which may then impact on the interior of your place!

Nyx1 Wed 13-Dec-17 09:55:46

He sounds horrible

Fishface77 Wed 13-Dec-17 09:55:56

I wouldn't move in with him

Wineandrosesagain Wed 13-Dec-17 09:55:57

I don't think it looks awful - the view is still visible and the cats will be protected. The boyfriend though...hmm not sure he's a keeper.

Sarahjconnor Wed 13-Dec-17 09:57:02

I don't want to derail your thoughts here but please please for the love of god if you continue this relationship PLEASE don't run round doing 'all the research' and leg work and present him with a short list for him to pick from. I have been there and it's madness. You are a capable women with a good income, he is supposed to be your PARTNER he should be treating you with respect, courtesy and consideration.

PersianCatLady Wed 13-Dec-17 09:57:11

Not true.

It is a rental flat, she hast check with the 'LL and the head lease

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