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AIBU?

Husband letting me down on my night out

124 replies

rainfall85 · 13/12/2017 08:19

My husband has had a few nights out over Christmas and has a few more planned before. I was having a little moan and he told me there's nothing stopping you from going out which is true but I find it difficult the fact he doesn't get home from work till late in the evenings and then he plays football twice a week too. If I do go out I've to still be up with the kids for school/activities.
So anyways I decided I'm going out tonight with my friends, nothing major just dinner and a few drinks. I told him about it last week and he said he'd be home at 7.
This morning when he left for work he goes to me don't forget il be late home this evening I've to interview someone. I told him I was going out and he goes no you didn't you told me you might be going out. I'm sitting here really annoyed now as the more I think about it the more sure I am he definitely knew I was going out for example I said to him yesterday x wasn't drinking so she was going to drive. AIBU to be annoyed or should I just say nothing cos it's work related.

OP posts:

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Wheelywheel · 13/12/2017 08:21

He's done it on purpose obviously.
Is there anyone else you could get to sit the kids until he comes back?

SavageBeauty73 · 13/12/2017 08:22

Get a joint calendar so there's no misunderstandings. Can't you go out when he gets back?

Whocansay · 13/12/2017 08:23

I would be very angry with the selfish bastard.

Please get a babysitter. Don't let him spoil your plans.

Believeitornot · 13/12/2017 08:25

You should always double and triple check! My dh and I enable each other to have nights out but we always check a few times to make sure. Because sometimes we do forget.

Yes to a joint calendar.

NNchangedforthis · 13/12/2017 08:26

This why we have a family calendar on the kitchen wall. I tell my partner, then write it on the calendar. No excuses!

Vitalogy · 13/12/2017 08:27

I agree about getting a babysitter, you're going have to take things into your own hand, including your husband!!

blindmelons · 13/12/2017 08:27

Family calendar, whoever gets their stuff on there first wins. Sometimes we fight over the pen but it is LAW and non negotiable!

blindmelons · 13/12/2017 08:28

Get a sitter, surely only for an hour or so?

rainfall85 · 13/12/2017 08:30

We don't have babysitters we ask family if we're heading out together and they're an hour away so I feel it's a bit unfair to ask. Our baby is only a few months so I don't feel confident leaving her with many people yet.

OP posts:

Santasbigredbobblehat · 13/12/2017 08:30

We write on a calendar when we’re out too, works.

He should have double checked with you.

g1itterati · 13/12/2017 08:30

I doubt he's done it on purpose, it's probably more that he takes the fact you're at home for granted a bit and he's not used to having to factor this kind of thing in.
I know it can be a real hassle getting a babysitter, but just do it anyway as a one off. How old are the DC - will they freak out if a stranger is there in the evening?

PaintingByNumbers · 13/12/2017 08:31

Yup, family calendar and it is non negotiable.

g1itterati · 13/12/2017 08:34

Sorry cross-post. Could your friends do Friday instead?

LizzieSiddal · 13/12/2017 08:34

I too doubt he did it deliberately, unless he’s usually horrible to you?

I would tell him you are still going my out, so can he get back ASAP after the interview. Obviously if he says you won’t be back until 10, I wouldn’t go but hopefully he won’t be too late.

Crumbs1 · 13/12/2017 08:36

We do diary dates regularly to plan and agree. A family calendar to record this helps.
Find a local babysitter to avoid there being an issue.

Iggi999 · 13/12/2017 08:36

He’s not exactly prioritising you is he. Have a talk with him - he should pay for a babysitter if he’s going to let you (and your friends down). How often does he see his dc if 7 is a normal return and he also plays football?

LizzieSiddal · 13/12/2017 08:37

I can understand why youre upset though and I would let him know that unless you get your nights out, he won’t beable to do as much going out in the future, as you may feel the need to do a few classes, which coincide with his football

Iggi999 · 13/12/2017 08:37

Sorry just read about the babysitter situation.
Taking you for granted is pretty similar to doing it on purpose, IMO!

blueskyinmarch · 13/12/2017 08:46

My DH has done this many times over the course of our marriage. It isn't done through malice but somehow it is like the 'home' part of his brain doesn't link up with his 'work' part of his brain. So he would know i was going out and say he would be home in time but wouldn't have computed it was the same date as that important meeting or interview he had planned. I used to get cross too. I now make him put my important appointments in his online work calendar so he doesn't forget.

roundaboutthetown · 13/12/2017 08:47

You dh is a selfish tosser. The whole "reminding" you he will be home late stinks of him having done it entirely deliberately. No way should he be going to football twice a week if he's so bloody unreliable he can't be home on time once in a blue moon. He needs to be made to understand what being an unreliable, selfish twat feels like to those at the receiving end.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 13/12/2017 08:49

Can you rearrange your night for tomorrow or any other night? and this time make sure DH knows. Does he work Saturday? There is no way he can be late home if he’s already home.

kaytee87 · 13/12/2017 08:53

He obviously doesn't listen to you which is pretty bad and I'd be annoyed. I agree with pp about getting a family calendar, we have one and write any engagements up as soon as they're made.

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ReanimatedSGB · 13/12/2017 08:55

This is deliberate. He gets nights out whenever he wants, but you are supposed to be the little woman at home because you are wife and mother. So he will say that you have 'permission' to go out, but will make sure it doesn't happen, because he is more important than you.

liquidrevolution · 13/12/2017 08:56

Your husband is a dick. He should have checked before arranging interview.

help1978 · 13/12/2017 08:56

When will he get home then? Can you go out then? X

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