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To be beating myself up about this?

(15 Posts)
FabulousUsername Wed 13-Dec-17 07:16:12

Last night I went to an event related to my profession and was asked at the last minute to join (people I know) for a fancy VIP dinner (i think a few hadn't turned up and there were spare spaces) and I ended up sitting next to someone Very Important...and I worry that I bored him. A bit. I thought I was charming and witty in my conversation but he left a bit early. Don't get me wrong, it was a lovely evening and all went well, but instead of coming away happy and excited that I had such a stroke of luck, I am forensically going over things I said and mentally kicking myself for talking about myself too much or saying the wrong things. I didn't do THAT bad, no faux pas, and I know it but I just have a vague feeling of wistful regret that I could have done better. I want to turn it around in my mind and have great memories of the evening, I could easily look at it from a glass-half-full perspective. It's just some self-imposed anxiety!

I don't get out much and I am attending these events to push myself to become more involved and social. I find social events stressful but usually enjoy them when I get there and get a lot out of them... but left to my own devices I'd be home every night, then look back and regret not taking the opportunity to get out there and participate.

Also I'm recently (happily) separated from DH who used to relentlessly criticise me and my 'deficiencies', he knew I was anxious about how I came across in public and used to make it worse by pointing out things afterwards.

Just will someone tell me that... while he may have been a bit bored and disappointed at not sitting next to someone as VIP as himself, I didn't TOTALLY RUIN EVERYTHING and I actually did OK ...especially as i hadn't planned on being there in the first place! And a timely reminder to myself that I can handle myself in social situations fgrin

ZigZagIntoTheBlue Wed 13-Dec-17 07:19:49

No I'm sure you were amazing, maybe he's just tired/ ill/ wanting to get home to his dogs. Have faith in yourself!
I bet he wouldn't have left if he was bored, he would've turned to the person the other side of him and talked to them or played on his phone!

Angrybird345 Wed 13-Dec-17 07:20:56

You got invited! If they didn’t want you there, or thought you weren’t capable of interacting with these people, they wouldn’t have asked you. Don’t sell yourself short! Well done!

Pinky333777 Wed 13-Dec-17 07:23:38

You've no idea what the guy thought of you.
Why not stick with the idea he loved you unless you hear otherwise 😀
Surely if he wasn't happy he would've moved to chat with someone else?
People leave early all the time.
Perhaps he has a long day today.
Or he might have been in the dog house for being late home 😊
Relax and don't stress. You did fine x

noMessagesYet Wed 13-Dec-17 07:32:49

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FabulousUsername Wed 13-Dec-17 07:35:38

Thanks all and I'm sure it was fine, really, I just tossed and turned all night, now that it's morning I am feeling more in control and thinking about how I'll spin it into an interesting story to tell at the next party grin VIP wasn't the main guest, it was a great evening and I must not go heaping negative thoughts onto it! For some reason I can overthink to the point of catastrophy. Which it was not at all!

LEMtheoriginal Wed 13-Dec-17 07:43:30

Maybe he had to get back to his family? Up early the next day the way very important people have to. Maybe he was rude.

I'm not very important and have conversed with people who are very "important" and equally as unimportant as myself.

PanPanPanPing Wed 13-Dec-17 07:48:33

You were probably fine and there could have been any number of reasons why he had to leave early, none of which were to do with you.

I think you've nailed it by this comment. "Also I'm recently (happily) separated from DH who used to relentlessly criticise me and my 'deficiencies', he knew I was anxious about how I came across in public and used to make it worse by pointing out things afterwards." So the expectation of your XH criticising you is still with you - hopefully those feelings will start to diminish.

FabulousUsername Wed 13-Dec-17 08:06:17

BTW I hope that my use of the term VIP had the hint of irony I intended! Of course everyone is important, my problem is more about my anxiety... Pan thanks, so true, what's happened in the past is I had the anxiety and H didn't help and made it worse... Today I have the anxiety but need to get over it but I'm really feeling like I can turn this around. I do need to 'practice' a bit more socially and read up about what's going on in my profession as I've let my interests slide over the years in favour of H's. But that should actually be fun and interesting, going to start!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 13-Dec-17 08:09:32

People often don’t want to stay out late on a school night. If he didn’t enjoy your company I’m sure he could have found someone else to talk to. Stop stressing!

3awesomestars Wed 13-Dec-17 08:12:50

My husband is ‘very important’ in his company and has to attend many dinners, awards etc.
He finds most of them extremely tedious,he will have dinner,do all the chit chat etc and then dip out as early as is acceptable; plus he thinks the younger people prefer that as they can then let their hair down a bit, staff tend to be on best behaviour when he is there!
He does enjoy meeting new people from his company though as I’m sure your VIP did. I’m sure it was nothing to do with you personally 😀

Butterymuffin Wed 13-Dec-17 08:14:34

It most likely had nothing to do with you and he was just tired, had an early start the next day etc. Don't give it another thought!

Poshindevon Wed 13-Dec-17 08:32:41

3awesomestars is spot on. VIPs have so many functions to attend they often leave early.
Dont let the baggage from your ex husband hold you back. Dont over think. Go out and enjoy your job and your social life.winesmile

Ohyesiam Wed 13-Dec-17 09:25:38

I think I may well freeze in that situation. So you did really well. Who knows why, they are human too.
Sounds more like inner critic than reality though.

Monkeypuzzle32 Wed 13-Dec-17 09:29:08

VIP or heads of departments etc often leave early-probably before everything gets messy! 😉

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