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Totally demotivated and lonely - please help.

(17 Posts)
WellAlwaysHaveParis Tue 12-Dec-17 14:16:57

Unemployed at the moment (well, working part-time in a self-employed role, while I apply for full-time jobs).

Working self employed and part time means that I don't see anyone much or socialise much.

I also volunteer for two days a week, which I'm really enjoying, but not yet having a full-time job is really getting me down. I'm applying for a lot of different things and have been getting quite a few interviews recently. But I've always failed at interview stage - in the feedback, which has been helpful and specific, I'm always 'good but not good enough' sort of thing.

Have just finished a course of face--to-face Talking Therapies cognitive behavioural therapy on NHS. I've learnt really useful techniques from this, but still feel crushingly lonely and depressed. I often just try and stay in bed for as long as I can every day.

Living with family, and I think they're starting to piss them off. They've been absolutely incredible and amazing so far, and I think they're starting to get frustrated that I haven't got a job. I don't want to ruin our relationship together.

bibliomania Tue 12-Dec-17 15:05:17

Sorry things are tough, OP. Sounds like you're doing all the right things. Sometimes like one of those "keep on keeping on" moments. You will get there - you just have to hang in there till you do.

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad Tue 12-Dec-17 15:31:13

Just keep going - life is full of highs and lows and you're going through a bit of a low at the moment but things will pick up. A full time job will make all the difference and often there are social events associated with work which will boost your social life .
In the meantime maybe you could do some other part time work in a more social environment such as in a pub or restaurant or a golf club - plenty of places are recruiting at the moment.

Viviennemary Tue 12-Dec-17 15:43:35

You have done very well to get to the interview stage. A lot of people don't even make that on their job applications. You just need to keep going. Perhaps give yourself a little break till after Christmas because most companies don't do much recruiting in those weeks. But by all means carry on if you'd rather keep going. I agree with looking for some temporary work where you'd meet more people. Try not to stay in bed all day but make yourself a timetable which can be flexible.

WellAlwaysHaveParis Tue 12-Dec-17 17:52:55

Thanks so so much everyone flowers if you've got any more advice and tips, please do post it here.

WellAlwaysHaveParis Tue 12-Dec-17 19:56:27

Bumping smile

Jessikita Tue 12-Dec-17 20:37:30

Have you tried Meetup? I have a lovely group of friends but alas since becoming older none of them enjoy a good drink up town and a nightclub - I do so I’ve joined a Meetup group for that and consequently relive my youth!

There’s all different sorts of groups in all different hobbies I’m sure you could find one you enjoy and make more friends

StefMay Tue 12-Dec-17 20:47:48

Getting to interview is great. I usually only interview 4-6 people from 80-100 applications. Be proud of this achievement.

Try answering your questions with :
Situation - when I was working at...
Task - we had to deliver xyz
Action - speak about what you did "I"
Result - what was the outcome or improvement? How did this benefit others?
Summarise - so in summary what I did was...

STARS is a good simple structure which ensures you answer a question fully.

Oh, and take a notebook in. It shows you prepared. Write down the questions as sooo many people actually fail to answer the question they are asked! And have questions for them make sure you Google your potential employer and ask something that shows your interest.

Stay positive and keep at it! All the best

Failingat40 Tue 12-Dec-17 20:55:11

Getting a lot of interviews lately is a really good, positive sign.

Remember that often these vacancies are filled by internal candidates who are not necessarily 'better' than you, but would save the company money on training, time for induction, team dynamics etc.

A good question to ask the interviewers is if there is anything in your answers you've given at all that they feel they would like further explanation or discussion.

The loneliness will subside when you become employed full time.

MikeUniformMike Tue 12-Dec-17 20:57:10

Keep plugging away. You'll get there and it sounds like you're doing the right things.

WellAlwaysHaveParis Tue 12-Dec-17 22:50:50

Thanks everyone flowers if anyone has any further advice, please do post it here.

WellAlwaysHaveParis Tue 12-Dec-17 23:08:13

Also, I feel really embarrassed to admit this, because it's such a non-issue, but it's been getting me down a bit.

Living with a couple of family members (as mentioned above). Family members have both said that I can eat whatever is in the fridge.

I ate some leftovers from the fridge for dinner yesterday, as I was absolutely starving. Family member 1 and 2 came back for dinner yesterday later than me (around 9pm-ish).

I said to them both, I'm really sorry but I've already eaten some leftovers from night before.

Family member 1 got a bit upset, and asked what they would eat for dinner. Family member 2 then cooked something quick for them both.

I apologised a lot to FM1 and FM2 about eating the leftovers. FM2 seemed quite chilled and reasonable about it. FM1 still seems a bit quiet and subdued - not sure if it's because of me or something else.

FM1 also seems to give off the impression that they're pissed off that I haven't got a job yet, and almost acts as if I'm trying my hardest not to get a job. It just feels really frustrating. I wish I had a job so I could find a place of my own. I'm putting so much pressure on FM1 and FM2, and I really really don't want it to ruin our relationship.

I know this sounds daft but I just wanted to get it off my chest, as can't tell anyone about it IRL. Just feel really fucking down and tired.

WellAlwaysHaveParis Tue 12-Dec-17 23:18:50

Feels like I'm taking two steps forward and one step back.

Chickenagain Wed 13-Dec-17 08:06:30

What kind of jobs are you applying for? Could you print off your CV & take it round nearby pubs etc for some money before Christmas?
Are you good at ironing? Cleaning? Gardening? Dog Walking? All of these will show you have a get up & go attitude, so get some cards in shop windows.
In the meanwhile, I would be extra pulling my weight about the house to help out. I wouldn't be impressed to get in from work late at night to find my supper gone. Could you cook them something tasty for their dinner tonight?
Put some music on and BOUNCE outta that bed!!

meredintofpandiculation Wed 13-Dec-17 09:01:39

Oh gosh, I remember the "trying to spend as much time in bed as possible" stage - trying to minimise the time I was awake and had to kill the day minute by minute.

You're probably not yet ready for this but you'll get there - try deciding each day what you will do first thing next morning. It's easier to drag yourself out if you've got something planned. You''ll still have days when you'll rationalise yourself out of doing it, and spend the day dozing yourself into oblivion. Don't beat yourself up.

You're doing really well to get to interview. One of my FMs has sent off over 100 applications and got 1 rejection and the rest simply no acknowledgement whatever. So you're well on the way and you will get there.

Smile whenever you pass a mirror. You'll look better, which will make you feel better, and it's nice having someone smile back at you ;-) Silly trick, but it helps me, so it may help you.

Jinglebells99 Wed 13-Dec-17 09:12:55

I don't know who these family members are, but however generous and welcoming they are, it must be hard for them to get home tired and find their guest has already eaten their supper. In that situation, it would have been nice if you'd offered to make some supper for them. However much they like you, it is really hard having someone staying in your home for an extended period of time. If i were you , I'd be going out of my way to be extra helpful. Offering to cook, doing housework etc. Can you buy your own food too?

MikeUniformMike Wed 13-Dec-17 09:59:36

It is quite unusual these days to get an acknowledgement after attending an interview.
This is after you have spent days preparing for it, spent time and money getting there, and having made an effort to look your best.
It sucks.

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