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AIBU?

To take a 6 month old baby to a funeral?

126 replies

Xanadu44 · 12/12/2017 10:59

Hi there my great Auntie died the other day who was such a lovely woman. I am EBF and am about to start weaning DS, she turns 6 months the day before the funeral. DH only has 1 holiday day left at work and we're moving house so I'd prefer him to take it off for that rather than the funeral/looking after DS while I go to the funeral. He only met my great Auntie once so I think this is ok. (And I know my family will) I only realised it was weird me taking my baby to the funeral when people reacted to it like "really!?!?" "Are you sure that's appropriate?" If she kicks off I will, of course, take her out and make sure she's fed before we go in. What do you think? Should I arrange for DH to look after her and go alone or go with DS and the rest of my family?

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Littlechocola · 12/12/2017 11:04

I really wouldn’t. It’s not fair on other mourners.

SleepyHeadThisTime · 12/12/2017 11:04

I would, however I would sit/stand at the back so I could take them out quickly if they started to fuss. I'm a great believer that death isn't something children should be sheltered from and funerals are part of the grieving process.

SparklingSnowfall · 12/12/2017 11:05

I think it's fine, just stay at the back and make a sharp exit if your DC starts making any noise.

Andromache77 · 12/12/2017 11:05

I don't see the problem, quite frankly. My baby was five months when my dad died and I obviously took her with me to everything, wake, funeral, etc. She behaved really well but even if she hadn't it wouldn't have been a big deal to me, you sush your baby or you walk out. A more distant acquaintance might be different but this is family and your baby is very young, take him with you.

implantsandaDyson · 12/12/2017 11:06

I took my youngest to a funeral at a much younger age - I think she was about 8 weeks. If you’ve family there to give you a hand it’ll be fine. I didn’t go to the grave just the mass.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 12/12/2017 11:07

Let DH go to work.
Encourage baby to feed before going into funeral
Sit at back.
Go out if she remotely starts crying. (it's cold and you will need to shift a lot of layers to bf her!)
If she does start bfing outside, you could slip back in but at that age they tend to unlatch if there's anything interesting happening

A baby to coo over afterwards at funeral tea will be nice

AmethystRaven · 12/12/2017 11:08

I took mine to my Great Aunt's. I think its fine if you're prepared to take her out if she's being disruptive, and your relatives might like to have her there too. It's perfectly reasonable for a breastfeeding mother to keep a baby with her.

I didn't realise this but at our local crematorium you enter at the back and exit at the front, so you might be thinking you'll sit at the back but you'd be better near the front if you want to be near the door - might be worth checking your route out.

Sorry for your sad news

BelfastSmile · 12/12/2017 11:09

I've taken both of mine to funerals at various ages up to a year or so (before they were walking). Was fine.

Just sit near an exit if you can, and leave if they start to make a fuss. Wear something you can easily feed in, so you can latch them on at the first sign of hunger.

Acorncat · 12/12/2017 11:09

I did, however I knew it would be a small funeral of just close family. I sat at the end of the row so I could make a sharp exit if she was being noisy. It was fine, no one commented (to my face anyway 😏) but i did feel it was maybe a bit inappropriate. Saying that, I'd do the same again.

Callaird · 12/12/2017 11:10

I think a beautiful baby girl will take their minds off their grief. You sound sensible that you will take her out if she gets fussy.

I’d take her.

LoisSangersVoice · 12/12/2017 11:10

My niece (then around 6 months) came to my dad's funeral last year. I think it's a good thing - circle of life and all that.

MollyHuaCha · 12/12/2017 11:10

I took a two month old to a funeral. I chose a seat where I could leave easily if needed. The occasional quiet gurgle during service was no problem.

The baby provided a lovely talking point for people. Afterwards I did not go to the burial, but took him to someone's home to feed.

Babies are easier than toddlers at funerals!

KalaLaka · 12/12/2017 11:11

YANBU! not weird in the slightest.

grannytomine · 12/12/2017 11:11

I can't see why it would be appropriate. As long as you take her out if she is noisy I can't see why it would be a problem for anyone.

OhChill · 12/12/2017 11:13

Agree with pps. Take her but stand at the back and leave immediately if she starts fussing.

Catabogus · 12/12/2017 11:13

I took my 5mo to my aunt's funeral a couple of weeks ago. It was absolutely fine, and my relatives enjoyed fussing over her at the wake. I thought it was lovely that the mourners ranged in age from 5mo to 88 years old.

RueDeWakening · 12/12/2017 11:13

I took DD to her granddad's funeral when she was 3 months old, the other mourners said it was a relief having a small baby there, it felt like a circle of life and they were reminded that his family lived on even if he didn't IYSWIM. She was very well behaved and just babbled her way through the service, I'd have taken her out if she'd screamed.

MrTrebus · 12/12/2017 11:14

I wouldn't of taken mine at 6 months as she's a shouty. She actually says "blah blah blah blah blah" quite loudly for ages and sort of a high pitched singing and stuff. But you know your baby if she'll be fairly quiet and not kick off then go for it! As a side note if the funeral is in a church my baby loves churches it makes her all content and sleepy so might be a good experience.

willisurvive3under2 · 12/12/2017 11:14

We took DS at 5 months, he was fine. Sat in our laps/slept the whole time. Of course one of us would have left if he'd got noisy. It was nice for the family to have the distraction.

Also in our case it was a very elderly Grandma's funeral, sad but not unexpected and people were ok overall, as much as you can be at a funeral. It would be different at a young person's funeral IMO.

mirren3 · 12/12/2017 11:14

Absolutely take her, as PP have said, I did the same when my DF passed away when DS was 14 months old. I know he was older than your DS, I had family ready to take him out of the Crem if he got noisy, he was fine though.
Also at the wake he was great too, and although he was much admired he didn't "steal the show" which sounds bad, but hopefully you know what I mean.
I hope the day goes well for you and your family.

gincamelbak · 12/12/2017 11:16

I took my 6 month old to DH's gran s funeral and to my gran's funeral a month later.

To be honest, I didn't care if it annoyed other people to have a baby there. FIL and his siblings were fine at the first funeral, there were other young great grandchildren of the deceased there. And my dad and uncles had no issue at my gran's funeral. I was in bits anyway and would have told anyone to wind their neck in if they had taken exception.

Stompythedinosaur · 12/12/2017 11:16

I took dd1 to a funeral at 3 months, fed her beforehand and she slept through. Would have taken her out if she cried.

I'm not sure how it isn't fair on other mourners. I think it's fine.

Afternooncatnap · 12/12/2017 11:17

I took my 3 month old to a funeral. It was fine. He did cry but I just went out then sat at the back so I could make a quick exit if he started again.
I don't think anyone thought it was inappropriate, and it brought some joy/distraction to the wake - the newest family member being there.

I think if its a family member then no issue taking baby. The baby is part of the family also and so should be at family events.

GiveMeTheTeaAndNobodyGetsHurt · 12/12/2017 11:18

I would, but sit somewhere where you can make a swift and unobtrusive exit if you need to. The last funeral I went to had quite a few children and babies, and honestly it was fine.

curryforbreakfast · 12/12/2017 11:19

IME people love babies at funerals, circle of life and all that shiz. just sit at the back and go outside if baby makes noise.

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