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Bit of a handhold, prenatal depression?! Or not?!

(12 Posts)
feelingold101 Mon 11-Dec-17 22:42:46

I'm looking for a bit of advice and a hand hold really.

I'm heavily pregnant and have one DD already. I just feel like I'm failing. I have no history of depression but the more I think about it and read up about it I think i have what is referred to as prenatal depression? I'm just finding things really hard right now. I feel like I take everything personally and make things into such a bigger issue than they need to be. Just as an example me and DH had what I would call a heated discussion this evening, not really a big deal but we did make the mistake of doing it in front of DD, I was probably a lot more angry than I needed or should be in front of her and the result of that was her deciding that mummy was wrong and she didn't want me to take her to bed. Instead of taking it for what it is, that I should be able to control my temper abit better especially in front of her and that this made me "naughty" to her I start going off the deep end feeling like I've damaged her, she hates me, telling DH that he enjoys it etc etc. All obviously not true and I know this but yet hours later i am still sitting here agonising over it all.

That's just the tip of the iceberg tbh and I feel like I'm sinking in my emotions most of the time, I feel anxious, emotional and not really positive although I am so excited about the baby. None of my negativeness is about the baby, just about me like I'm not good enough. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone especially my DH which is really unlike me but I feel scared that he will somehow use this against me to hurt me (again this is completely irrational).

feelingold101 Mon 11-Dec-17 23:10:06

Sorry shamelessly bumping c

feelingold101 Tue 12-Dec-17 07:31:13


Pickleypickles Tue 12-Dec-17 07:40:45

You need to make an appointment to speak to your GP or your midwife, no one on here can diagnose you but you are clearly going through a tough time and your midwife pr GP will be able to help.
If it helps i had perenatal depression and it sucks but there is light at the end of the tunnel you just need to access the help and support flowers

christmasrage Tue 12-Dec-17 07:47:45

I think it's the end of your pregnancy, and you are getting tired and fed up. Tell your midwife/GP, so they can keep a closer eye on you to be sure you recover well after the birth. Try and make some space for you to do good stuff, is DH pulling his weight?

My antenatal depression started the moment I realised I was pregnant. My longed for and planned pregnancy became something I dreaded and would have terminated. I couldn't bear the idea of 9 months like that. Fortunately it lifted As the pregnancy went on, and by the time he arrived I was pleased to see him!

Allfednonedead Tue 12-Dec-17 07:51:03

I had horrendous ante natal depression - to the extent of being signed off work despite otherwise easy pregnancies - but it lifted completely once my contractions started.

Talk to a midwife or GP, and if you feel dismissed by them, do find another to talk to - you don't have to feel like this.

If you do decide medication is the best way forward, there are antidepressants that are completely fine during pregnancy. Do think about whether you want to breastfeed, because that may change what a dr prescribes.

I'm getting the products of my depressed pregnancies ready for school now, but feel free to PM me.

sureitsgrand Tue 12-Dec-17 08:02:10

Hi, I'm in the same boat pretty much at 34 weeks. Finally realised this weekend and attended gp yesterday. I have been referred to a psychiatrist and actually feel relieved. My dh is being much more supportive now it's something tangible and not just me being awkward/negative. So I've woke up feeling the world isn't quite as dark a place today! Please go to your gp/midwife. You will feel better even just saying it out loud.

feelingold101 Tue 12-Dec-17 08:10:13

Thank you all for replying to me. I feel like even speaking about it with DH would help so much but I feel so scared, I have this dreaded feeling in my stomach every time I go to get the words out because he could then use it to turn things against me which I know is so ridiculous, he has never ever been anything but supportive. I have tried to say it in a roundabout way in saying that I am finding this all very hard this time and that I feel quite irrational and emotional.
I'm really trying to stay positive but I'm so hard on myself at the moment and I just can't stop it, especially when it comes to my DD. It's like I have this overwhelming need to be perfect for her and anytime I'm not I beat myself up endlessly.

ZoeWashburne Tue 12-Dec-17 08:11:12

Also, this time of year is horrible for feeling like a failure- we are bombarded with images of these magical, all singing, all dancing winter wonderlands that we should all be giving our children or else we are scaring them (in reality they just want to play in the box).

Please speak to your GP- but also give yourself some slack! You are growing a human and keeping another little human alive- you are doing a great job!

I guarantee your DD has already forgotten about the issue. We all lose our temper. It shows that you are a great mum that you recognise it and want to change it.

Your GP will be able to help.

RavingRoo Tue 12-Dec-17 08:13:08

Go your GP.

feelingold101 Tue 12-Dec-17 08:20:32

She definitely has already forgotten but I haven't which I know is just ridiculous.
I feel really angry with my DH aswell when these situations happen even though he's not really doing anything wrong apart from defending himself as he doesn't really know what's going on and probably just thinks I'm being awful all the time. I constantly feel like he's conspiring against me and wants DD to hate me. Even writing this I know how ridiculous I sound but I can't help it.

christmasrage Tue 12-Dec-17 08:40:38

Ok, so you know it's isn't a real situation, if you know what I mean, it's just chemicals in your body throwing you around a bit. That is a great start. Hang onto that.

Work out the words you are going to use with DH. "I feel as though I am being really grumpy with you and DD all the time. I hate feeling like that. I'm really struggling this time, and hate the way my hormones are all over the shop." Hopefully, he'll give you a hug and you can have a good cry.

Worst case, he'll say 'don't be silly' and you can rage at him for being patronising. grin

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