Or is my neighbour - noisy kids

[AmiU]

Hi all,

I've been mulling this over for a while and I'm still not sure if AIBU or my upstairs neighbour is.

To give some context, I live in a tiny London flat in a busy area in a purpose built building above a commercial premises and next to a train station (I know, fml) with a DS3 and a DS2. It's certainly not how I planned to bring up my kids but I'm doing the best I can.

Recently my upstairs neighbour, a very muscly young man, came down and demanded to speak to my DH as he 'didn't want to talk to me (I.e. a woman)'. He feels that my DS2 is too stomp-y and causes vibrations to travel up the walls to his flat and disturb him from '7 am till 7 PM'. These vibrations prevent him working in the evening. I was taken aback, apologised and offered that he text us any time he's sitting down to work so I can be extra vigilant of the kids.

The thing is, I believe very strongly that having children is a lifestyle choice and other people should not be put out by my decision to have kids. The kids aren't allowed to run or jump in the flat and I enforce it as best I can, but the 2 yr old does need reminding every day. I think it mainly happens when he gets excited bout something in another room, like bath time or DH coming home, and runs to the other room. Otherwise, it's just him walking around.

I appreciate my neighbour has a right to enjoy his flat but I feel like I'm living on edge stopping every little noise. AIBU?

[LakieLady]

That's normal everyday noise, and your neighbour is BU! If you were letting them run amok at night, he might have a point.

[aintnothinbutagstring]

I suffer the same as your neighbour, but I don't believe my neighbour does anything to stop her 4yr old stomping and literally jumping up and down, throwing screaming tantrums, it really spoils our living here but DH won't allow me to say anything. I have 2dc but are older and quieter plus we're ground floor, we only share one wall with our adjoining neighbour. Hopefully neighbours dd will outgrow the stompiness and jumping

[littleorange]

YANBU

I don't have child, live below a flat with little ones running about, tumble dryer vibrating a couple of hours a day.

BUT I've chosen to live in a flat, the noise is nothing out of ordinary life, and it's never outside of 7-10pm. It doesn't disturb my sleep or anything I need to do.

He is being a dick expecting children not to move.

[Boys123]

Could you get your dc to wear slippers instead of shoes or put down mats to minimize the noise? Could you get your dc to do quiet play in the mornings (jigsaws/activity books/colouring/action figures etc.) Living in a apartment complex is going to be somewhat noisy so your neighbor is going to have to compromise a little once you are making an effort to keep the noise down.

[AmiU]

That's the thing, we live BELOW him.

Lakie, DS is asleep by 7:30 at the latest so definitely not running around at night

[aintnothinbutagstring]

Oh well if you're below, I'd say he's being U, I dont think sound would travel like that, perhaps loud voices or music TV would

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Your neighbour is being unreasonable. Theyre 2 and 3 year old babies. They play jump run get over excited. With the best will in the world you can't keep children quiet.
Plus if you're living underneath people. There's bound to be noise

[AmiU]

Boy123, that was my first thought as well. If they wake up early they have to play quietly but I do appreciate 'early' for us and for our neighbours are two very different things.

I've put down a huge rug in the living room to mask noise a bit.

The thing is, I asked him to let me know if he ever needs total silence for work etc. Instead, if he's getting annoyed he jumps up and down for a few minutes above us really loudly. He's a very muscly, 6 foot man so it's incredibly loud.

[ChardonnaysPrettySister]

I have two stompers at home and it's a bloody nightmare.

Your neighbours was BU for not talking to you though.

[Fekko]

I would have shut the door in his face at 'I don't want to speak to you' and bought the kids trumpets.

Sound tends to travel down not up! We dont hear the downstairs kids (only foghorn dad when he is braying at something/someone) but have a continual stream of noise from upstairs.

[aintnothinbutagstring]

You or DH could ask to stand in his flat while the dc are playing normally to see if there really is any travelling noise. Otherwise I'd just pay him lip service and ignore.

[curryforbreakfast]

It's one of those situations when noone is really unreasonable. Should your children be able to play and live as normal children in their own home? Yes, of course. Should your neighbour be able to work at home and enjoy some peace and quiet in their own home? Yes, of course they should.
Its an unfortunate situation that you all need to manage as best you can, but WIBU is not really helpful here.

[MsGameandWatching]

He sounds like an aggressive arsehole who has impossible self centred standards. I wouldn't change a thing, you sound very considerate already. Hopefully he will piss off soon if it's so intolerable for him and you'll get a new, more sensible neighbour.

[TammySwansonTwo]

Dick.

He's welcome to get the council round - they'll tell him he's being ridiculous. He can do what I and everyone else does - wear headphones if he needs to block out noise. He lives in a flat. You do hear neighbours. It's just how it is,

You could of course call the council about his stomping... it's probably louder. Probably best not though.

If you do have a partner, could one of you offer to go and stand up there and listen and see what specifically is causing the noise? Maybe you could figure out if it's a certain thing doing it / a certain room?

[PerfumeIsAMessage]

What Curry said.

Your children have the right to play and be children. Your neighbour has the right not to have to hear them.

Your comment about lifestyle choices is a bit odd. Yes, having children is a choice, mostly. So is not having them. I have children, and live in a hard floored flat. I've always thought being respectful of other people's peace and quiet to be a right rather than something they should put up with because of my "lifestyle choice" tbh.

[formerbabe]

I don't believe my neighbour does anything to stop her 4yr old stomping and literally jumping up and down, throwing screaming tantrums

Yeah because tantrums are so much fun aren't they?! I bet the parents are enjoying every minute of them!

[PerfumeIsAMessage]

How was he an aggressive arsehole and a twat btw?

I would presume he wanted to speak to the OP's husband because he didn't want to be accused of intimidating a woman on her own.

[MsGameandWatching]

Instead, if he's getting annoyed he jumps up and down for a few minutes above us really loudly. He's a very muscly, 6 foot man so it's incredibly loud.

I would definitely call that aggressive and arseholish.

[Killerfiller]

Yeah because tantrums are so much fun aren't they?! I bet the parents are enjoying every minute of them!


Some people leave their kids to it and don't try to settle them. Not everyone is super mum like you

[WildRosesGrow]

YABU for saying having children is a 'lifestyle choice', which always seems to have a silent 'self indulgent' tacked on to it.

[Fekko]

Our neighbours don't - they leave them to it (all hours of the day and very very early morning). Nice kids though - but loud!

[sizeofalentil]

Does he own the flat above or rent*? And do you?

If he rents, I would keep a diary of his aggressive encounters just in case they escalate and you have to report him.

The sound of a rambunctious toddler running, from the flat underneath you, should cause such anger that you have to be rude to the child's mother and intimidate her with your own smashing about upstairs. Especially if they have been open to a workable solution.

*Not that renters aren't allowed quiet enjoyment of their homes etc. it's just harder to report owners to anywhere

[MsMims]

You shouldn’t be left feeling on edge about any little noise - even if your neighbour can hear footsteps/ stomping it would be considered normal household noise.

His attitude was also v. v. unreasonable. Just continue as you are, reminding the DC not to stomp too much.

Some houses are poorly soundproofed and hearing thump, thump, thump from neighbours walking around is enough to drive anyone mad, but he should have been polite in the first instance. How were you to know until he told you?

[crazycatgal]

YANBU, my neighbour lets their toddler stomp and shout past midnight most days - now that is unreasonable.

If you try to keep noise to a minimum and your child is in bed at 7.30pm then I don't see what the problem is.