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AIBU?

...To be upset at best friend's behaviour after guessing I'm pregnant?

84 replies

AbigailLovesCheese · 10/12/2017 21:57

Hello,

I've lurked on many a thread over the past week since finding out I'm expecting my first child - at just six weeks gone it's both thrilling and terrifying, and I also feel quite vulnerable - but the events of Saturday have prompted me to ask MN ladies their advice.

As mentioned i'm 6 weeks PG. Both DH and I are thrilled but man alive it's happened A LOT quicker than we anticipated (we got married 5 weeks ago...ahem) and with it being such early days (I see the doctor this week) we've only told a select couple of friends. We're waiting to see immediate family at Christmas to tell them.

It was one of my best friend's birthdays on Saturday. We were each others' bridesmaids this year, I've known her for 20 years - she's as close to a sister as I have. And, as siblings do, she's upset and angered me.

I chose not to tell said friend because:

a) I wanted to tell her face-to-face

but b) not on her birthday (her birthdays are sacred. When I couldn't go to her 30th she didn't speak to me for a month) - esp with others I don't know that well there

and c) she has recently been very upset by the news she will have to wait 6 months after coming back from honeymoon to try to conceive as she is going to a country affected by Zika. She was angry with the doctor when they told her, and I felt giving her some time to make her peace with this might be the best course of action rather than springing this on her.

For her birthday we went to a v fancy restaurant. As sad as it sounds, the biggest struggle for me is the not-drinking being a giveaway (I've never been one to say no to a drink).

However, other people were driving to this lunch, one girl was feeling poorly, it's December and some people are already partied-out - I felt confident I'd be able to hide it. I ordered a glass of champagne as a foil, and took about 3 sips. No one seemed to notice or care.

Then the cheese came. I asked the waitress as quietly as I could while everyone was talking if the cheese was pasteurised.

My friend heard.

She exclaimed my name and just stared at me. I just chose my cheese and carried on with the conversation. She then went really, really quiet. She would not look at me when I spoke - even when directly to her - but when I wasn't speaking she would stare at me.

I felt very uncomfortable, very conspicuous and very foolish.

No one else seemed to have clocked.

Then after lunch we moved into the bar area for coffee/tea. As we were walking through, she said in earshot of 2 others in an accusatory tone, "Are you pregnant?" I sort of laughed it off and walked off (I don't want to lie, but nor do I want to be pressured into telling someone - esp if they're acting like I've done something wrong, which is genuinely the impression I got.

She was off with me for the rest of the afternoon.

AIBU for a) being angry that she would ask me in front of people I'm not close to?
for b) being annoyed at her for making me worry that I've somehow upset her?
for c) being angry that she didn't just take me aside to ask nicely if she really really wanted to know?
for d) being angry that she made it feel really negative awkward?

This is my first pregnancy and it's such early days. Perhaps I am being overly sensitive but her behaviour has genuinely taken the sheen off this pregnancy.

I wonder if anyone's been in a similar position and has any advice?

Do I call/email her and tell her? Do I wait for her to get in touch? Do I carry on as normal?

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MyfatheristheKing · 10/12/2017 22:01

She doesn’t sound like much of a friend