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AIBU?

C. Sections

101 replies

User02 · 10/12/2017 14:48

Another thread has made me think about this enough to ask for opinions.
My DD was born by C.Section. I think it was quite primitive in those days and only done after hours of labour.
When DD grew up she started saying that I was "too posh to push". I was not too posh I was in a desperate state. She would say this to lots of people who really did not need to know anything about my childbirth experiences
Eventually DD had children and had some fast deliveries.
Was she unreasonable to criticise me for the method of her birth?

OP posts:

Report

sparechange · 10/12/2017 14:49

Yes of course she was!

What age did she start staying this? Did she really understand what she was saying, or was she just parroting something she had heard?

AfunaMbatata · 10/12/2017 14:55

Ask her if she would have preferred to die.

EB123 · 10/12/2017 14:57

Of course she was and bloody rude too.

User02 · 10/12/2017 14:57

sparechange -thank you.
She was about mid teens. I had a baby 12 years after her so she was of an aware age and had known that I was going to have a C. Section.

OP posts:

EEandEmakes3 · 10/12/2017 14:58

What @AfunaMbatata said 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

CecilyP · 10/12/2017 14:59

When talking about 'those days' when exactly do you mean? It must have been some time ago if your DD has kids of her own. C-sections were far less common in those days and almost certainly performed for good reason. The 'too posh to push' mantra refers to elective C-sections performed for no medical reason - often in private hospitals. This is not the case with yours and it probably saved your DD's life. Surely she knows that and is just being goady.

User02 · 10/12/2017 14:59

Thank you all. I had just taken her saying these things and never thought that is was unusual.
My own DGM told me after the first birth that in her day of having babies I would have died.

OP posts:

Zebra31 · 10/12/2017 15:00

Yes she was unreasonable. I have never understood what the big deal about birth method is. I think the only two things that matter are healthy baby and healthy mother.

EB123 · 10/12/2017 15:02

I would be very upset if any of my children said that to me. It is bad enough when other people have said it.

Crispyturtle · 10/12/2017 15:05

She was a teenager who’d heard a phrase associated with caesareans, and used it without really any knowledge or thought. If she’s still using it now, YANBU, otherwise I think you should relax a bit.

User02 · 10/12/2017 15:06

Zebra - I agree that the important thing is that mother and baby get through safely. I felt that I had been a failure. I thought of women who had children in the rice fields etc etc and there was me in a huge hospital and I managed not much at all. It took me a long time to get to the viewpoint that mum and baby being safe was the right view.
It was about 30 years ago. I am only realising now that I should not be talked down to just because Dr saw fit to do C Section. I certainly did not have any choice in the matter I was far too ill to comment.

OP posts:

yorkshireyummymummy · 10/12/2017 15:06

I think it's really rude.
C sections are not the easy option ( I have done childbirth both ways) and a vaginal delivery is easier than a c section.
Only idiots would choose to have c section when they were quite capable of a vaginal delivery. I dont know anybody who has had a c section who is pleased that it happened and I'm sure you feel the same. C sections happen because of a risk with vaginal delivery so it's not the easy option and I'm sure when you had yours the ' too posh to push' moniker started after you had yours.
It's only celebrities and people with more money than sense who go to the Portland ( or other private hospitals) for planned c sections.
If people had c sections because they were ' too posh' then surely the Queen, The Princess of Wales, The Duchess of Cambridge etc would have had c sections ..........but no, they all had natural births.
The moniker should really be ' too cowardly and stupid to push'!!!!!
Ypur daughter probably thought she was being funny/ clever which is an affliction which happens to all teenagers. But if she said it again she would be getting the rough side of my toungue!!

User02 · 10/12/2017 15:07

It was 30 years ago and she is still saying every now and then.

OP posts:

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/12/2017 15:08

You seem to have a lot emotionally invested in some daft comment your daughter made as a teenager.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/12/2017 15:10

If she’s saying it now I’d ask her whether you should have risked death/injury for the both of you.

FittonTower · 10/12/2017 15:14

How long ago was all this? She has children now and was mid-teens when she said It? Teenagers say stupid things -she probably heard the phrase on the telly a d thought it was funny. Unless she's still saying it I wouldn't worry too much about something a teenager said to you.

User02 · 10/12/2017 15:18

I have accepted how my DCs were born, I was not greatly happy that I "failed" at the time but eventually was glad we had both come through it fine. I have also had a hysterectomy and therefore there is zero chance of me having any more children. I don't see why the method of birth still has to be brought up.
I am disappointed that she is still saying this silly line, I was the only way to achieve a good outcome

OP posts:

SometimesMaybe · 10/12/2017 15:22

Yes woman do give birth in fields and give birth without pain relief. But a lot of woman who have do so in these countries die or have horrendous injuries.
A “natural” birth may be ideal in terms of recovery etc but I for one am bloody glad I live in a country that has access to medical facilities that can ensure that as few woman and babies die or are severely injured in childbirth.
Tell your daughter to shut up.

HateHomework · 10/12/2017 15:22

That's odd, what's her problem? I assume you don't have a great relationship? Does she know this hurts you?

FittonTower · 10/12/2017 15:22

What does she say when you ask her to knock it off?

RebornSlippy · 10/12/2017 15:26

Cheeky cow. Tell her fucking straight, OP. You or she or both of you would have died if you had insisted on not being posh enough to live. What the hell? Your daughter needs to wise up. You'd think, after having her own kids, she would have a little more insight. Next time she says anything of the sort, I beg you to let her have it with both barrels. It's a mystery to me how you haven't already. You are the mother. You don't stand for sly digs from your child who should just be grateful you got her here in one piece, while undergoing serious abdominal surgery.

RebornSlippy · 10/12/2017 15:27

That should read - had not insisted on being posh enough to live. I'm raging on your behalf.

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Boys123 · 10/12/2017 15:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RebornSlippy · 10/12/2017 15:29

^^ Oh, here we fucking go again...

PinkHeart5914 · 10/12/2017 15:29

How wrong of your dd and I find it rather odd that your dd even comments on it. The type of birth does not matter as long as Mum and baby are ok.

A “natural” straight forward birth is the ideal of course but life rarely works that way and things do go wrong, people do need help to deliver safely and it’s wonderful we have access to such medical treatment.

I haven’t had one myself as I have been lucky with my births but my Mum had to have an emergency one with my little brother, without they both could have died

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