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To ask for equal undisturbed hobby time at home

(204 Posts)
Fitbitironic Sat 09-Dec-17 22:49:09

To keep it brief, dh's interests have him out of the house for a couple of hours at the weekend (effectively taking out a morning), and at least one evening every week. Sometimes additional times, and it can be for longer.
The rationalization has always been that he would look after DC if I wanted to do something, so I can't complain. The reality is that my interest is more home based, so I'm still regularly disturbed by DC, cutting into my time and breaking concentration. It's not something I can just pick up and take elsewhere. Also wouldn't be doing it all through the school day due to other commitments.
AIBU to tell him to entertain his DC (quietly) for the relevant length of time so that I have my undisturbed hobby time too?

MyBrilliantDisguise Sat 09-Dec-17 22:50:21

Is there any way you can do yours outside of the house? It's easier to get some peace that way. Btw are they only his children, or do they belong to both of you?

Toughtips Sat 09-Dec-17 22:50:41

Yanbu

Antigonads Sat 09-Dec-17 22:53:24

Do you keep a spreadsheet?

PassiveAgressiveQueen Sat 09-Dec-17 22:53:27

Keep them out of your way, completely fine.

Keep them quiet, less fine

TrojansAreSmegheads Sat 09-Dec-17 22:54:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mirime Sat 09-Dec-17 22:56:50

Can't he take them out somewhere? DH does sometimes, though he often works weekends so it can be difficult for us.

Fitbitironic Sat 09-Dec-17 23:18:31

miri we also have the working weekends thing sometimes, so I'm really just talking about those times he's here and giving up on child free time when he works away grin
He occasionally takes them out, but unless it's outside (not always pleasant!) it would be expensive, and not possible in the evening.
I know it's hard to keep them quiet at times, but it's much easier if you're interacting with them rather than sitting playing computer games and leaving them to come in and disturb me their own devices.
Mybrilliant they're our DC. And I can't take stuff with me to do it outside the house.

BestZebbie Sun 10-Dec-17 00:45:36

YANBU.
In the meantime, could you teach the children that when you are wearing your noise-cancelling headphones (etc) you are not to be disturbed?

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 10-Dec-17 00:49:41

YANBU how old are the children?

BackforGood Sun 10-Dec-17 00:53:21

In theory YANBU, but it depends on things like the layout of your house. If you have a spare bedroom / study you can shut yourself in, then it's not unreasonable. If, OTOH, you have no spare bedrooms and you have open plan living, then it is a lot less practical.
Also depends on ages of dc.
Difficult for us to know really.

GrockleBocs Sun 10-Dec-17 01:10:45

Also wouldn't be doing it all through the school day due to other commitments.
What are your working patterns? If he does a full time job and you are a SAHP (unless specific needsfor the dc) then it's a different slant to both of you working.

MyDcAreMarvel Sun 10-Dec-17 01:19:23

I think yabu and so is your dh. An evening is fine but not the weekend morning. Fine for you to have a hobby , but wait until the dc are in bed or it least on the way to bed.
Unless a hobby can involve your dc in some e.g. cycling , baking it should not be done when the dc are at home and awake.
Obviously house work and employment has to happen but after that anytime should be for the dc.

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 10-Dec-17 02:24:28

Obviously house work and employment has to happen but after that anytime should be for the dc.

Bloody hell, really? My DD would be a bit freaked out if every second of my time was focused on her. It's a bit weird. Unless they're very young. Even then honestly.

lackingimagination Sun 10-Dec-17 03:10:47

Just ask him, shouldn't be a problem.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 10-Dec-17 11:13:03

Mydcareamarvel - I disagree completely with that. Friends of ours revolve their life around their dc, and the dc is a bundle of anxiety,as all the families happiness rest on his shoulders at 8yo.' What do you want to do now ds?' Constant pressure.

MyDcAreMarvel Sun 10-Dec-17 11:42:40

No wonder the dc is anxious. I have seven dc it's not their happiness that is paramount it's about spending time with them.
Children are not little and wanting to spend time with their parents for very long, plenty of time for hobbies later.

Sirzy Sun 10-Dec-17 11:48:19

Obviously house work and employment has to happen but after that anytime should be for the dc.

What an unhealthy attitude.

As for the OP I don’t think enough information has been provided to properly judge either way tbh

MrsTerryPratchett Sun 10-Dec-17 15:04:00

Well with 7 kids I wouldn't have time for hobbies either!

Allthewaves Sun 10-Dec-17 15:18:39

Can kids be signed up for an activity that dh can take them too

Thedriftofstars Sun 10-Dec-17 15:29:11

MyDc I think you may be projecting your own issues onto OP - you have seven children, there's no wonder you don't have time for your own hobbies. Most people don't have that many. It's not unreasonable to want a couple of hours a week to do your own thing, particularly when your DP gets the same.

Greyhorses Sun 10-Dec-17 15:31:03

Eh I have hobbies and children and DH is perfectly capable of watching DS on a weekend for an hour or two.

I think it's unhealthy to be consumed by your children actually.

Greyhorses Sun 10-Dec-17 15:43:42

Eh I have hobbies and children and DH is perfectly capable of watching DS on a weekend for an hour or two.

I think it's unhealthy to be consumed by your children actually.

Bluntness100 Sun 10-Dec-17 15:46:48

I think more info needed. How old are the children and what hours do you both work.

ByThePowerOfRa Sun 10-Dec-17 15:47:17

To me it depends, a bit, on what your other commitments are during school day? Are they all at school or do you have younger dcs to care for at home etc?

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