Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

A guy has asked me if I want to 'hang out'.

112 replies

SingleSoda · 07/12/2017 23:08

Maybe i've watched too many romantics but being asked to 'hang out' doesn't quite strike the right note.

We're in our mid twenties and met last month as we both train for the same sports team. We seemed to click, he added me on Facebook and then we spent 6 hours solidly talking over messenger until the early hours. He's randomly popped up on messenger tonight asking if I want to hang out next week..

See I usually date absolute control freaks (I must admit I like the traditional gender roles/not having to making decisions/being swept off my feet) but I made the conscientious decision to date people who weren't my type just to try to end up with a guy who isn't a complete self centred arse. But I just can't seem to get excited about 'hanging out' or the energy to now play 'when/where/what'. I feel he's gone from a 8/10 to a wet 4/10. AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

Reflexella · 07/12/2017 23:10

O god stop thinking too much, it’s bad for you!

Go forth be young & frolic

DJBaggySmalls · 07/12/2017 23:11

I'm not surprised you feel lukewarm; hang out is a term you use with mates. When you are 14.

Casmama · 07/12/2017 23:11

In a word - yes. He’s playing it cool and asking to spend some time with you. Seems fairly standard to me but unsurprising it doesn’t have the same drama as you are used to.

Craftylittlething · 07/12/2017 23:12

Is he 12? Maybe he just wants to hang out, get to know you... maybe scared of rejection and doesn’t want to “properly” ask you out because it’s a bit scary for him. If you like him just meet him, overthinking is awful

Ragusa · 07/12/2017 23:12

Yes YANBU. Hanging out is fine. Id like rhe relaxed fun vibe that sent or. The whole swept of your feet thing, masterful, etc, ugh, no: so unattractive. Why do you want that rather than to be in control.of your own destiny?!

Casmama · 07/12/2017 23:14

Sorry I have to say it “not having to make decisions/ being swept off my feet” makes me feel a bit nauseous.

nowwheredidmyunicorngo · 07/12/2017 23:14

I'd love this! Chilled out, just spend time together. Mumsnet is s very serious place.

Ragusa · 07/12/2017 23:15

It's just a way of saying "let's spend some time together to see if we hit it off" isn't it? What's wrong with that?? I've had masterful men in the past and... no. Friendly and chilled out can be very attractive tooption. They don't need to be melodramatic and traditional to have presence.

Ceebs85 · 07/12/2017 23:15

YABU!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 07/12/2017 23:17

I can imagine a really nice guy who's a bit shy and not used to asking women out to say this.

sausagerollsrock · 07/12/2017 23:17

Yabu! Go! He could be amazing.

thatcatpidgeon · 07/12/2017 23:19

Blimey, I gave a male friend advice last week & suggested he text a girl he likes and ask her if she wants to hang out - you don’t fit the profile of the girl he asked (so I’m pretty sure it isn’t you!) but I really hope she doesn’t feel the way you do or I’ve really ballsed that one up for him!

Just to clarify though (in the case of my friend anyway) was going for a breezy casual kind of vibe & will gage her level interest from her response. Plus asking someone on ‘a date’ still sounds so American, it would put me off, Just go with ‘sounds good, what’s the plan?’ if you want him to make the decisions..

BertieBotts · 07/12/2017 23:23

You are being ridic. Go and see if he's a wet blanket in person. He's probably trying not to override any boundaries or be creepy.

Traditional gender roles usually = sexist arse. That doesn't mean everything has to be boring and monotone, but if you're directly looking for the kind of man who will take control etc, it doesn't usually work out very well.

Set absolutely 0 store by how someone comes across over any form of online communication. Use it simply as a tool to arrange practicalities, save all of the judging and deciding for the RL meeting.

Viviennemary · 07/12/2017 23:23

I think that's fine. He just wants to take it a step further and go on a casual date maybe for a meal or even a coffee or a drink. He sounds really nice. It's not walking out after church these days. AFAIK anyway.

Titsywoo · 07/12/2017 23:24

Christ stop overthinking things. Do you like him? Yes - spend time with him and see what happens. No - say no thanks. The end. Honestly people get shy/aren't perfect/use words we might not use. Give the poor bloke a break.

spaghettijunctionrocks · 07/12/2017 23:28

Wish a bloke would ask me to
'Hang out' 😘

OkPedro · 07/12/2017 23:28

Eh maybe your issue is being the "damsel in distress" I will have failed as a mother if my daughter ever feels this way hang out just means get together and enjoy each others company

NisekoWhistler · 07/12/2017 23:28

Goodness pick in with the over analysing. He's just used a phrase which basically says, would you like to go for a drink one night. Go hang out and see how it goes

KeepServingTheDrinks · 07/12/2017 23:33

hang out is sweet. Like some of the PPs, I'm a bit with not having to making decisions/being swept off my feet. Personally, I wouldn't hang out with that, but each to their own and I hope you have a great time.

AnyFucker · 07/12/2017 23:35

Hang out of what ?

SingleSoda · 07/12/2017 23:36

Funny you say that CatPigeon as i've just got back from living in America. From moving abroad since the end of A-levels, moving to a small city and a guy asking me to 'hang out' just brings back memories of meeting up as teenagers using walking the dog or a free house as an excuse. He does seem shy, from a little FB stalking he's matured from a geeky looking student to a normal chap in the last year so I don't think he's got much relationship experience.

I think you're all right, I should just meet up with him. I think he's probably spent the last three weeks plucking up the courage to ask me out and all he could muster was 'hey do you want to hang out this week?' I don't know, I know i'm being unreasonable but I find the whole wetness just unattractive.

OP posts:

Landsendmum · 07/12/2017 23:39

He asked to "hang out"?

Really?

Is he (a) infantile (b) on some sort of medication (c) suffering from an infection (d) American?

If I were you, RUN !

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Frederickvonhefferneffer · 07/12/2017 23:39

He has probably agonised over asking you, thought of a million ways to ask, sent the message, instantly regretted the term “gang out” and is now cringing and hoping that you don’t judge him on his awkward choice of lingo.
Let it go and go and hang out!

MyBrilliantDisguise · 07/12/2017 23:40

It's not wet. God, there are some real players around who would ask you out in the way you want and then treat you like shit. This sounds like a nice guy who's just used a phrase you're not really used to - get a grip!

Summergarden · 07/12/2017 23:42

Give the poor guy a chance!

I can’t believe how much some people overthink simple terms.

Meet him, see how it goes, and then decide!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.