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AIBU to be upset that dd's nursery teacher bartends at night?

(147 Posts)

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Dec13girl Thu 07-Dec-17 14:05:42

I picked 3 year old dd up from nursery earlier this week (at 6pm) and her teacher was telling everyone that now she has to go to her other job. I asked her about it and it turns out she works shifts behind a hotel bar on nights and weekends. I am really upset and concerned because I think she must be exhausted, and I don't want someone who is that tired watching my dd. On top of that, this same teacher sent my dd home in soiled clothes yesterday (didn't change her after an accident). I'm finding it hard enough to be a working mother, and his just makes me want to resign. Should I pull her out of this nursery?

Neverender Thu 07-Dec-17 14:08:25

I'd definitely raise the issue of soiled clothes but I have a friend who works three jobs - because she wants to. She's rubbish at relaxing and is trying to make as much money as possible in as short amount of time as possible. They're two separate things as far as I can see. It wouldn't 'upset' me.

OurMiracle1106 Thu 07-Dec-17 14:08:54

I’d be complaining to the nursery in regards to leaving your child in soiled clothes but tbh it’s none of yours (or employers) business what an employee does outside of work hours so long as it’s not illegal immoral or damaging to the company.

She may be working long hours to cover her own outgoings. And if one job isn’t doing it then maybe it’s a sign of how low her nursery wages are.

TitaniasCloset Thu 07-Dec-17 14:08:58

Are you serious? Have you considered she needs the money?

catiinbo0ts Thu 07-Dec-17 14:09:13

Oh FFS. A soiled nappy once is no problem. Regularly? Maybe so.

Do you know how much nursery workers get paid?


BertieBotts Thu 07-Dec-17 14:10:20

TBH what she does with her time when she's not on shift is nothing to do with you.

Personally I find it pretty shocking that nursery work is so low paid that nursery nurses work a second job TBH - that is sad.

But YABU because if she wasn't working she might well be doing any number of things in the evenings which would tire her out.

If you have concerns about the quality of the care, then speak to the manager, but don't mention the other job - it's really none of your business.

MiniTheMinx Thu 07-Dec-17 14:10:33

Yes, pull her out of the nursery and give up your job to stay know you can do a better job of it! I mean, it's not like you need to work for the money right?

Nursery workers are paid a pittance so you have the choice to earn more than them.

Strokethefurrywall Thu 07-Dec-17 14:10:39

Have a word with yourself...

araiwa Thu 07-Dec-17 14:10:48

I presume you would happily pay more fees to increase her wages so she doesnt need a second job?

gunsandbanjos Thu 07-Dec-17 14:11:01

YABVU about her jobs. Woman is just trying to make ends meet, you think she’s doing it for fun?

I’d be annoyed at soiled clothes though.

Wolfiefan Thu 07-Dec-17 14:11:09

Address the soiled clothes.
But the other job? None of your business. You could have a member of staff with a tiny child at home or caring responsibilities or one who was out clubbing every night.

BertrandRussell Thu 07-Dec-17 14:11:12

Dirty clothes is an issue unless it was a one off oversight.

You can't control what she does in her spare time- what if she was training for a marathon or into AmDram? Would you want her to stop those too?

PinkHeart5914 Thu 07-Dec-17 14:11:20

What is the issue here really? Why are you ‘upset’ about it?

I’d raise the issue of soiled clothes but how many jobs the nursery nurse does isn’t really any of your business, ever thought maybe working in a nursery doesn’t pay the poor woman enough?

Pulling her out of the nursery becuase the nursery nurse has another job to help her earn money would be utterly ridiculous

MumGoneMild Thu 07-Dec-17 14:11:48

You have got absolutely no right to comment in any way about her working another job.

Killerfiller Thu 07-Dec-17 14:12:36

Yes pull her out the nursery. How dare your child have to mix with the low paid working class.

Poor thing best call the therapist.

BenLui Thu 07-Dec-17 14:12:57

The only complaint you have is that she sent your DD Home soiled.

Everything else is nonsense.

What if she spent 5 hours a night marathon training, being a dance instructor or a sports coach?
What if she ran a community theatre group?
Volunteered at a food bank?
Cared for elderly parents?
What if she had 6 kids of her own?

Any and all of these things are none of your business. She’d be just as tired but most of them you’d have no idea about.

If her boss thinks she is fit for work then she’s fit.

OracleofDelphi Thu 07-Dec-17 14:13:11

My god..... Would you be OK with the fact that your DD nursery worker might have 3 other children (for example) one who still woke up in the night? Would that be OK? Or how about if she went to work in Asda on the tills? Is that OK ? Is it because its bar work? Surely working is better than her going out and getting drunk?

Im guessing she isnt a mother or that old to have the energy to do this. But what she does outside of nursery has nothing at all to do with you. Mention the soiled clothes by all means if you feel you must, but you will look crazy if you tell them you arent happy with her having another job!!!!!

EB123 Thu 07-Dec-17 14:13:28

They are two separate issues.

You should be upset that the nursery worker is on such a rubbish wage that she has to work a second job to top up her earnings.

The soiled clothes it would depend on the situation, a little wee dribble might not have been noticed but a child soaked through would be unacceptable.

insancerre Thu 07-Dec-17 14:13:32

I manage a nursery and one of my staff works behind the bar in the evenings
She is no worse than any other member of staff, some of whom have children and may be up every couple of hours in the night
A lot of nursery staff have second jobs, especially babysitting
The worst member of staff I had spent hours every night watching dvds, and was like a zombie all day
Lots of people havecsecond jobs and some people work very long hours at one job
I think you are being ridiculous

Willow2017 Thu 07-Dec-17 14:13:45


The soiled clothes is the thing you ask about, did they know about it, was it just before home time etc, what will they do to make sure it doesnt happen again.

What any of the nursery staff do when not in the nursery is none of your business. Many people work 2 jobs to make ends meet, including myself. You dont know how long her shifts are nor how often. How do you know she is exhausted?

MadMags Thu 07-Dec-17 14:13:50

Yeah, right.

Oly5 Thu 07-Dec-17 14:13:51

Get a grip. Howmmany jobs she works to earn enough money is none of your business!
Souped clothes or nappy is just something you’d raise with the nursery.

danTDM Thu 07-Dec-17 14:13:55

Seriously? Loon.

Oly5 Thu 07-Dec-17 14:14:07


implantsandaDyson Thu 07-Dec-17 14:14:24

Would you feel the same way about her exhaustion if she had a child at home that didn’t sleep? I’ve both worked nights in a bar and had a baby that didn’t sleep at night - the non sleeping child left me tireder the next day.

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