To attempt a return to a job that gave me hell

[condepetie]

Hi, I left my job in mid-December 2016. It was a job in a private preschool and I left because of how much anxiety it was causing me. The job itself wasn't a problem, but the room leader was a horrible woman who made me feel 3 inches tall every single day, some days I cried when I got home and most nights I lay awake worrying about what she might say or do the next day. Some days she would be friendly and others she wouldn't even look at me when I spoke to her.

I've been out of work since June and that preschool is currently advertising for the same job I was in. There's so few jobs in this area accessible for me and I'm getting a bit desperate - it may end up being this or Jobseekers. I'm a qualified early years practitioner. Should I try to reconnect with this setting that I left a year ago or keep trying for something else? I haven't spoken with the owner since I left and we parted on good terms.

It's my financial situation vs my mental health I think and the more I think about it - it's been a year and I keep thinking "was it really that bad?"

The woman in question definitely is still there. She is close friends with the owner and anything negative said about her is very much brushed off. I did attempt to bring up how she clearly didn't like me very soon into my employment there, at my 3 month review, but it was brushed aside - "she would do anything to see you succeed, she is behind you all the way" - like fuck she is.

She lost several very long-term staff members six months or so before I arrived there, we're talking over a decade of service, people she was very used to. Me and the other colleagues that joined around the time I did are all in our twenties and fairly recently out of college/uni.

They'd been having recruitment problems before me, one of my colleagues left shortly after me because of her, another went on maternity and doesn't plan to return (because of her).

Yeah, it's a ridiculous idea, isn't it. She won't have changed, there had been at least 5 people leave within a year because of her by the time my two colleagues left shortly after me, and I don't know what's happened since I've been gone.

Am I ridiculous to even consider reapplying. Would they even consider me? I left of my own accord, I was a fine member of staff, never a problem. Do I even want to prioritise my finances over my own mental health?

[IslingtonLou]

In your case I wouldn’t go back.

You may find yourself slipping back into old social roles in your old work place and all the mental strain that came with that.

They might not necessarily accept you back

After a year, you would expect to be more experienced so I wouldn’t want to be going back in the exact same role for the exact same pay.

I would sort of find it demoralising being in my previous role whilst my old colleagues have progressed. They will have you in an awkward position as they’d assume that you’re desperate. So the rude colleague may take you less seriously this time around sort of thing

Also the management/social hierarchy may have changed for the worse - as you say some of your mates have left.

However if you genuinely do think they will accept you back and that it’s the only chance you currently have to go back into your field then go for it - but work really had this time to elevate yourself and become more hireable for other positions. You’ll need to be a lot tougher

[condepetie]

Thank you for your reply @IslingtonLou

It's a really small preschool of only 7 staff. Manager, room leader, senior staff member (2 days a week), 3 full-time room staff. I should have mentioned that before.

There's no one there who I worked with except the owner, the room leader (the baddie), and a senior staff member. Everyone else has gone and been replaced. No one has progressed in the year I've been gone, it's the same hierarchy.

I haven't had all that much more experience as I've struggled finding work and haven't been employed since June.

They absolutely might not accept me, my drafted email is asking if they might accept me back for interview.

I know I need to grow a thicker skin but I'm good at my job. You're completely right and I really appreciate your frank words, thanks.

[JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth]

Hi op. I'm in a similar position with my current manager. Pls don't go back, your mental health is precious, it's just not worth it