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Why is this so frigging difficult?!

(9 Posts)
Misstomrs Wed 06-Dec-17 21:59:20

Sorry. Just need a bit of a rant.

So when my son was born we had a trainee midwife who couldn’t read a CTG. My DS’s heart rate was all over the place and when - after nearly an hour - the qualified midwife came in there was a rush for a Dr, forceps and basically my DS was ripped out. He could have died.

It took 10 months for the hospital to ‘find’ my notes and admit this, along with a number of other issues.

18 months later I am still not propely continent and my husband and I can’t have sex as it’s so painful.

The consultant at the hospital spent the first 9 months trying to sort my continence, and when it became clear that had gone as far as it could then we started looking at my other issues.

Unfortunately I had to see a Registrar in April, who said I should expect my episiotomy scar to hurt for around 7 years and just take ibuprofen for pain before sex. If I really HAD to have some help with it I would need to be re-referee in as it was not a continence issue. I got re-referred and an appointment in November.

Come Sept / Oct I saw the consultant who said that was hogwash, took one look (finally!) and said I clearly needed surgery.
That consultant apparently made a note I should have surgery within 3 weeks as I had already waited since April. However, a mistake was made somewhere and I spent weeks chasing to get listed with someone else with 10 days notice. I complained. I am finally listed with the consultant I have been seeing, nearly 2 years after my DS was born.

Today, I got the letter from my consultant appointment in Sept / Oct. it doesn’t mention I am having surgery. It doesn’t explain what’s going to happen / how long I will need off etc and the consultant didn’t cover that in our appointment as it was meant to be about my continence.
So now I have surgery listed. I don’t know what they’ll do. I don’t know how long I need off sick.

And the consultant hasn’t put in the letter that I should def be a c-section, as she promised.

I just feel so, so let down.

Why is it so hard to get what should be basic stuff right?

I’m sorry for the rant. I just feel a bit lost. Do I raise the issue with the letter now? Should I call the consultants secretary? I feel bad because I keep pestering her but I don’t know how to move this forward positively any more.

venys Wed 06-Dec-17 22:04:07

Oh gosh that is terrible to hear. I don't have ant advice, but I have come across this stuff all too often in my own experiences. The system they have put in NHS is sooo inefficient and ineffective a lot of the time if it's outpatient related. Could you try PALS and see if they can get you an answer?

Misstomrs Wed 06-Dec-17 22:09:43

PALS have been helpful in expediting getting my maternity notes as the hospital ‘lost’ my request to get them copied for 3 months until I asked PALs to chase it. I wanted them as the uni the trainee came from have been really keen to try and learn from what happened so I wanted the notes for that.

You’re probably right, I’m just not sure, at this stage what I would ask them.

venys Wed 06-Dec-17 23:12:01

Yeah I woild ask them now as the information is vital that you get imminently. I have been consulting someone for minor surgery recently, and he promised to put procedure down in writing - only he didn't. Do you think I could.jist ring and ask him what it was ? No. Took three appointments (one with a junior), second got cancelled very last second while I was in waiting room due to a medical emergency, and got him on the third time and 6 months later!! If thats anything to go by, it's best you chase hard now. Alternatively can you find where they work privately and ask there? Probably not but just putting it out there!!

venys Wed 06-Dec-17 23:13:30

Oh yeah , my maternity notes are LOST too. They said they couldn't believe it as it would be very thick due to issues in first birth. Ho hum.

Allthewaves Wed 06-Dec-17 23:37:43

Ring consultants secretary - they are usually brilliant help

Misstomrs Thu 07-Dec-17 09:24:03

Thanks everyone. I’ve phoned and left a message for the secretary saying I’ve managed to re-arrange my minor op but still don’t know any detail about it / recovery time etc. Also said I had my copy of the letter to the GP and it is disappointing as it doesn’t mention the minor op or planned c - section. It does say I need physio but as I’ve received nothing about that it looks like that hasn’t been organised either. I got a bit testy but basically said if there was anything she could do to help then to give me a call but otherwise merry Christmas.

MatildaTheCat Thu 07-Dec-17 09:33:10

This is so frustrating to read. Basic communication saves so much time, trouble and heartache.

Is the operation a refashioning of the episiotomy? If so then your downtime shouldn’t be very long, depending on your work of course. I would imagine you should be healed enough to do a desk job within 2-3 weeks, maybe less.

I would actually contact PAls again and ask that the letter is rewritten to include more detail and that all important information on the C. Section.

As a long time former midwife I would like to reassure you that I have never once come across a case where a woman with a history like yours would be refused a CS.

Best wishes.

Misstomrs Thu 07-Dec-17 10:01:25

Thank you @matildathecat. That actually made me cry! I will give the secretary a few days to come back to me but will then try PALs.

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