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To ask Mum to pay for her childs birthday party place

(188 Posts)
Catbell82 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:03:34

I sent invites out for DS birthday party a month ago. Now 3 days before the party one of the Mum's has sent me a message saying 'sorry something has come up. My DS can no longer come to your DS party. Hope he has a great time'.

I paid £15 per child for this party which is a lot of money for us especially in December. I've contacted the venue but they have said they can't issue a refund so close to the party date. We have no one else we could invite except for maybe another child from DS class but I don't think an invite 3 days before the party is acceptable.

I'm really annoyed and feel like messaging the Mum asking her to pay for her son's place!! I appreciate that she may have a genuine reason for cancelling but if it was me I would at least offer to pay for my DS especially when I know how expensive parties can be and at this short notice it's most likely that everything has already been paid for!! She knows the venue, has been there and knows you pay per child. I would never actually ask her to but I wish I could!! angry

HuckfromScandal Wed 06-Dec-17 14:05:27

You can’t ask this

Trinity66 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:06:53

Just ask someone else, you would come across as very petty imo

pastabest Wed 06-Dec-17 14:06:56

I don’t think you can without it causing issues down the line, but I would be so so pissed off in similar circumstances.

Do any of the invitees have siblings who might want to come?

Wolfiefan Wed 06-Dec-17 14:07:02

But you would be paying anyway whether he turns up or not. And you could afford the party when you booked it! I wouldn't ask. Really cheeky. You don't know why she's cancelled.

SparklyMagpie Wed 06-Dec-17 14:07:18


LaurieFairyCake Wed 06-Dec-17 14:08:15

You can't ask

You can however text and say "just to warn you that if you book there they don't issue refunds so close to a party date. So disappointed not to have little Johnny attend, hope you are all well"

Hopefully then she will offer to pay hmm

MaroonPencil Wed 06-Dec-17 14:08:17

The thing is, you are not losing out - you would have paid £15 and you are still paying £15. If for some reason I had to cancel my child coming to a party I honestly wouldn't think of offering money, although now you have introduced that idea to me perhaps I would, but the thought wouldn't even have occurred to me.

Passthecake30 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:09:09

Yabu, children get sick or have other reasons why they can't turn up. But yanbu to be disappointed.

MaroonPencil Wed 06-Dec-17 14:09:33

I have been to loads of pay per child parties where one or more children haven't shown up, often bowling, usually because of illness on the day. Generally the place gets offered to a sibling of a party attendee who is usually very pleased to stay.

hollowtree Wed 06-Dec-17 14:09:42

If it was me cancelling I would offer to pay. I don't like the way no one cares about last minute cancelling nowadays! It's costing the NHS a fortune for a start!

SaneAsABoxOfFrogs Wed 06-Dec-17 14:10:14

At least she's told you in advance - that's better than the parents who just don't turn up, no explanation and no chance to give the place to someone else.

Mrskeats Wed 06-Dec-17 14:11:16

It’s annoying I know but just ask another child

rcit Wed 06-Dec-17 14:11:23

YOu will end up in the media if you ask for something so ridiculous.

You committed to paying for your ds's party. It's irritating when people pull out or don't show but you cannot demand cash. Learn your lesson for next time - eg if you are expecting 12 children, say to venue, I'm expecting 11, will it be a problem to pay on the day if another shows up (who you say hasn't replied). If they say that's fine, then you just pay the extra place on the day if everyone shows. But usually someone won't show so you save the money. I always, always do this now. No venue has ever said it isn't fine to pay for one "extra" on the day.

Also you do not know why they cancelled. They might have had a bereavement or some very bad news.

AfterSchoolWorry Wed 06-Dec-17 14:11:32

Don't be ridiculous. Someone always cancels, you can easily invite someone else 3 days before.

You'll never have full attendance at a child's party. Totally normal.

Amanduh Wed 06-Dec-17 14:11:41

Yes yabu. Don't be ridiculous.

Taylor22 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:12:51

This can't be real. There can't be people this ridiculous in real life.

ittakes2 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:14:59

If I have to cancel last minute like this - usually for sickness - I still give the child a present as I know that it has inconveniced the parents. Infact I usually give them a card with money so the parents don’t feel they have forked out unnecessarily if at least their child is getting some money for their birthday anyway.
3 days is not too late to invite another child. Yes that child will know they are a last minute ring in, but it happens and I’m sure they would be delighted to be invited, last minute or not.

CheeriosEverywhere Wed 06-Dec-17 14:15:24

This can't be real. There can't be people this ridiculous in real life

Oh there are! So many, it's appalling isn't it?

Can you imagine the gossip if someone did this at your school? It would be epic.

0hCrepe Wed 06-Dec-17 14:16:17

Not helpful now but as rcit says always underestimate numbers in future to the venue and if more come on the day pay extra then, particularly if it’s a weekend rather than after school party.
Infuriating having to pay for no reason but really don’t say anything at all to the other parent. It’ll be you cancelling one day.

1happyhippie Wed 06-Dec-17 14:20:04

We have had this at my dds birthday party. I had already paid the price per head anyway, so it wasn't as if it cost me more for the child not to attend. I sent her party bag and a piece of the birthday round after the party.
I also had to cancel on a party my dd was going to as she was sick. Again, she still got a party bag and we still handed over the card and pressie.
Sometimes it happens.

Aki99 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:20:29

Invite another child. I had people cancel the days in the run up to my wedding - people got bumped up - I didn't start ringing round asking for money from those who couldn't turn up

kaytee87 Wed 06-Dec-17 14:20:57

No you can't ask this! Ask someone else or suck it up.
Tbh more fool you for paying £15 a head for a children's birthday party if it's a lot of money for you.

You're going to end up in the daily fail.

llangennith Wed 06-Dec-17 14:22:58

Just invite another child. Everyone is going to be on the second tier list at some time.
And in future don’t go for something you can’t really afford.

2ndSopranos Wed 06-Dec-17 14:23:27

I have long since stopped booking parties where it isn't possible to delay paying until the day of the party for that very reason. My favourite no-show was when a child inviited to dd2's party wasn't allowed to come because she'd been naughty. So punishing me then to the tune of £14.95. Hey ho.

If I were you, I'd see if anyone turns up with a sibling and allow them to join in. I have done this.

I'm afraid op you'll just have to chalk it up to experience. If your child is in reception the other parent may genuinely have no idea of how these things work. Or could be rude. Or stupid. Or all three.

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