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To remove PILs from my life?

(33 Posts)
PatterPitter Wed 06-Dec-17 13:09:09

PILs have always struck me as grandparents that are interested in photos of them with their grandchildren to show their friends, but not the actual children themselves. Their grandchildren from me, that is. They see their daughters children 3-4 times per week and often babysit and have them overnight even though she's twice as far away as me. I split from their son in June; they last saw my DC in early May and haven't met their 3 month old grandchild despite being invited over. I get the odd text message asking how they are but it tends to evolve into berating me for leaving their (abusive) son.

I think they're saving my photos of the DC from FB and showing them off as if they're ones they've taken and it's making me furious. I'm totally alone with four DC and no support (their son isn't seeing them and I have no family even on the end of a phone) and not once have they asked how I'm coping or if I need help. Yet their daughter had a dental appointment yesterday and they had her kids during the appointment and then overnight so she could recover from a filling. A fucking filling!! I, on the other hand, was on the school run 12 hrs after giving birth because I had no one to help.

AIBU to remove them from FB and stop sending them updates, leaving them to get in touch if they're bothered? If I see another post of them baking with their other GC #loveourgrandchildrensomuch I think I may not be able to bite my tongue any longer.

MrsJayy Wed 06-Dec-17 13:13:06

Yes remove them or at least hide them all so you don't see their feed also lock down your photos so they can't share

ForagingForFaerieGold Wed 06-Dec-17 16:15:10

Before I had even finished reading I was wondering why they were even on your fb. Yes, get rid of them. They seem pointless. Grandchildren are NOT a photo opportunity.

Simmy10 Wed 06-Dec-17 16:34:48

Yes, definitely remove! My PIL are similar. They are very hands on with their daughters child but don't come to see me and baby even though we only live a few minutes drive away. They only tend to come over when their friends want to see baby as he is only 2 months old. And it annoys me as they then act like the doting grandparents!!

Angrybird345 Wed 06-Dec-17 16:48:18

Defo remove! They are tossers.

OhNoOhNo Wed 06-Dec-17 16:58:09

Definitely remove them. You are absolutely right.

Iloveacurry Wed 06-Dec-17 17:00:37

Definitely remove them. They sound awful.

Nocabbageinmyeye Wed 06-Dec-17 17:01:17

Absolutely do it!

eggsandwich Wed 06-Dec-17 17:14:28

My in laws were like this just wanting photos to show friends what a great grandparent they are when In fact they made little effort when they were small.

Fast forward they are now teenagers and they don’t really care about their grandparents which is a shame but as I say you reap what you sow.

ticketytock1 Wed 06-Dec-17 17:30:27

Oh my goodness yanbu
Sounds like they are in denial about their son or the marriage breakup in general.
I really feel for you... if you lived close to me I'd help you!

Aeroflotgirl Wed 06-Dec-17 17:37:58

Remove them, you have no connection with them now that you are not with their son.

PinkyBlunder Wed 06-Dec-17 17:51:05

Yep, remove them.

One set of DDs grandparents are exactly like this. All about the photo ops and flaunting them around their friends as if they see her all the time. They probably see her 3 times a year max and live within an easy day trip away. We’re only ever summoned when there’s an opportunity to look like they give a crap in front of someone.

But it’s fine. DD won’t give a shut about them in the future. Shame shame grin

PinkyBlunder Wed 06-Dec-17 17:51:43

Give a shut?! Try shit

KC225 Wed 06-Dec-17 20:30:55

Remove them and your SIL. Do not waste them being hurt or angry. If they text why, tell them 'the children see you doing X y and z with their cousins and wonder why you haven't seen them. I'm trying to protect them'

On a practical note, can you access Homestart or other organisation?

PatterPitter Wed 06-Dec-17 21:42:05

I think today has been the final straw. His mum sent me a message saying they had found a bag of the DCs belongings at theirs and that they were going to drop it off because they need room for exDPs things. I said that's fine and mentioned that one of the DC is ill with an ear infection and that I had to get her up in a minute for the school run despite her not sleeping all night. They dropped the things outside my house while I was on the school run. No offering to sit with sleeping ill DGD while I did the school run, no asking to meet their new DGC. Then she has just sent me a message saying sorry they left the things outside but she thought I'd want them asap as money must be too tight to buy new things now. One of the reasons I left her son was that he was earning an excellent salary, lying about it and allowing the DC and I no access to his money and to go without. Surely she's having a dig??

Marissa2727 Wed 06-Dec-17 22:34:26

You are definitely not being unreasonable at all!
I would ask why they do not want to meet their grandchild, say that if they were such great grandparents that you would not have had to do the school run hours after giving birth and that you are no worse off than when you were with their son as he was so tight. angry Reading this has made me angry on your behalf so cannot imagine how you are feeling.
Delete and block them from Facebook ASAP so they cannot get any more pics to show off to their friends in an attempt to prove that they are the perfect grandparents hmm

PatterPitter Wed 06-Dec-17 22:44:48

There's so much I want to rant at them about and I'd love to write out the truth and forward it to the extended family and friends but really I know I must keep a dignified silence and that distancing myself and not engaging is better for self preservation.

bluebell34567 Wed 06-Dec-17 22:45:32

agree with Marissa. you ask those questions to them before blocking on fb. why keep in you and get upset. they should know what they are doing, that's horrible. to go to school run 12hrs after birth -you should definitely tell this and all the rest, how he is tight, etc.

bluebell34567 Wed 06-Dec-17 22:46:34

no, don't keep a dignified silence.

bluebell34567 Wed 06-Dec-17 22:47:04

you and your dc will be abused more.

Marissa2727 Wed 06-Dec-17 22:52:55

I normally would say dignified silence is better too... but their actions are not dignified or respectful of you as their grandchildren's mother. They don't want to meet their own grandchild, but want to show off pictures to friends, dropping off things on the doorstep, sending snide messages. Horrible behaviour. I would say it is to spite you breaking up with their son which may have a role to play but it sounds like they were a bit rubbish before and showed favouritism to the other grandchildren already.
A dignified (polite as possible) message outlining these things is appropriate and dignified.

KimmySchmidt1 Wed 06-Dec-17 22:53:27

You seem to be playing emotional games with someone else's parents. They are not your mum and dad, I'm not surprised they treat you differently to how they treat their own daughter.

If you want their help suggest you be extra nice to them and ask for it. Their sons behaviour is not their fault and neither is he fact you had four kids by someone you considered business.

How is banning them from Facebook going to get you any help??????

Marissa2727 Wed 06-Dec-17 22:55:40

Otherwise(without explanation) you risk them saying to your ex that you have blocked them and that is the reason why they can't see their grandchildren.

bluebell34567 Wed 06-Dec-17 23:00:58

or you can put happy pictures on fb including your new sweet baby smile.

stopfuckingshoutingatme Wed 06-Dec-17 23:04:06

Fuck em . Horrible horrible people
I don’t even know them and I hate them ! Start to create a distance and keep it larger and larger
They will never change and your kids deserve better flowers

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