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To wonder why women

(185 Posts)
TenForward82 Wed 06-Dec-17 09:43:56

... have to remember their work tasks, daily activities, where the kids have to be and when, what groceries need buying and what shops to get them from ...

... But a man can't even remember his fucking wallet, meaning a sick mum who has been up early has to drag herself and her toddler out to the car to drop it off for him?


mrsBeverleyGoldberg Wed 06-Dec-17 09:46:31

And when they do housework they expect a thank you.

Ifailed Wed 06-Dec-17 09:48:17

some men do this, usually because the women in their life let them get away with it. Look upon it akin to training a new puppy.

BastardGoDarkly Wed 06-Dec-17 09:48:35

Its not all women, or all men.

Hope you feel better soon flowers

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe Wed 06-Dec-17 09:49:09

Some women; Some men <shrugs>

In the real world, some of us play to our strengths and do what we're good at, by dint of luck picking a partner who is good at the stuff we're not.

TenForward82 Wed 06-Dec-17 09:51:47

He's great at loads of stuff I'm not. I'm letting off steam about this particular issue because I want to. And spare me the #notallmen crap, ta.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree Wed 06-Dec-17 09:52:33

But a man can't even remember his fucking wallet, meaning a sick mum who has been up early has to drag herself and her toddler out to the car to drop it off for him?

Why would he remember his wallet? He doesn’t have to? He has a woman to remember his important things. If only there was a way she could teach him to remember it himself, like if he learned consequences or something...

SunnyCoco Wed 06-Dec-17 09:53:54

Yeh , no way would I have taken it to him

CaretakerToNuns Wed 06-Dec-17 09:54:16

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Domani Wed 06-Dec-17 09:56:16

My dh used to say "I've done the washing up for you". I just kept repeating "my washing up? Don't you live here any more then?" He soon stopped saying itgrin Know what you mean though OP, bloody annoying! YANBU. Hope you feel better soon flowers

LizzieSiddal Wed 06-Dec-17 09:57:09

You are being very unreasonable. (But sorry you’re ill)

Unless his life depends on it, why are you taking it to him? Unless he’s a child whose forgotten his homework and will get detention?

WorraLiberty Wed 06-Dec-17 09:57:52

And spare me the #notallmen crap, ta.

I get that you're letting off steam, but given how stereotypical and sexist your post is, you really should expect people to point it out.

MarshaBradyo Wed 06-Dec-17 09:58:05

Nope he could last without his wallet couldn’t he

AmySueGina Wed 06-Dec-17 09:59:09

here's a great article about this

I've absolved myself from all emotional labour and wife work. DH is wonderful but he was brought up in a very misogynistic household where his mum did everything for his dad, him and his brother. He came to our relationship being pretty useless as "life shit" whereas I, as a woman brought up in a similarly misogynistic household, was very good at this stuff.

After a couple of years, I absolved myself of all responsibility for him.

For example- I don't have his family's birthdays in my diary, I don't buy cards for them, I don't keep a track of his stuff, I don't know when his jeans need washing, I don't know when he last changed his towel.

I don't mind doing stuff for him if he specifically asks me and then thanks me. So I do end up writing and posting his families cards because his writing is terrible and I pass a postbox on my way to work. I don't mind that because it doesn't take my initiative to manage his responsibilities, I'm just doing a simple task he's asked me to do.

LizzieSiddal Wed 06-Dec-17 09:59:55

Care you need to mix in better circles. Not all men behave like this and it’s a shame you haven’t met a few.

CappuccinoCake Wed 06-Dec-17 10:00:21

We're the other way in this house. I've always struggled with remembering where anything is. It's been such a problem I think it's hardwired. I have to compensate for it but I often end ip asking my husband where my wallet...keys etc are

WorraLiberty Wed 06-Dec-17 10:00:29

All men do it, each and every one of them.

Oh dear god...

All black people eat chicken

All vegans announce their veganism when they meet a stranger

All Irish and Scottish people drink too much

All old people are moany and miserable

Any more crap anyone wants to trot out while we're here? hmm

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 06-Dec-17 10:00:30

Yeh , no way would I have taken it to him

Me neither. Is he a grown up man or another child you're always running around after?

Too late now, but next time he does it DON'T go running to fix it for him or HE'LL KEEP BLOODY DOING IT.

Hope you feel better soon.

AmySueGina Wed 06-Dec-17 10:01:08

Even if not all men do this, all men benefit from the patriarchal misogynistic culture in which men aren't expected to do this sort of stuff.

AnneLovesGilbert Wed 06-Dec-17 10:01:43

And what Worra said. Sorry. I didn't marry a useless manchild and I don't have to spend my life making up for his failings as a result.

TheFaerieQueene Wed 06-Dec-17 10:01:57

Of course not all men are like this and to suggest otherwise is ridiculous and speaks volumes.

My DH is not like this at all.

Anatidae Wed 06-Dec-17 10:03:56

I call this strategic incompetence - it’s a predominantly male trait, caused by socialisation and facilitation.

They don’t have to do shit, because their army of mums/wives do it for them and if they do have to do the shit they do it badly so you get annoyed and tell them they don’t have to do the shit again.

The only cure is allowing them to feel the consequences of them not doing the shit, by stopping doing the shit for them and letting things fall apart.

Oh and smashing the patriarchal societal structure that means women shoulder the entire emotional load for families.

There is a very good thread in feminism right now about facilitated men.

WorraLiberty Wed 06-Dec-17 10:05:13

I think the people who insist all men are like this, are trying to convince themselves.

It's easier than admitting they're enabling the very behavior they dislike.

Make some changes, break the habit but don't convince yourself that everyone else is in the same boat with their husbands/partners.

Peanutbuttercheese Wed 06-Dec-17 10:05:19

I'm assuming this has happened to you.

If it's a one off fine, if not then just stop doing it. You run around after him because you choose to. If I was partnered up with someone like that who did it constantly I just wouldn't do it. If they made a fuss I would tell them to do one and that I wasn't their personal assistant.

LizzieSiddal Wed 06-Dec-17 10:10:31

I will admit when we married (27 years ago) my DH was like this, for about a week grin

One fine example was when he wondered why he didn’t have any boxing shorts left. Well DH that’s because the “picking up off the floor, off other peoples’ underwear” fairy, is still at your parents house. If you want her services go and live back there. grin

If I’d started moving his underwear I’d still be moving it and moaning about it now!

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