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to be scared to go home after my first divorce finance hearing this morning?

(12 Posts)
divorcenightmare Wed 06-Dec-17 06:37:40

The First Directions Appointment is this morning and after that I hope we don't have to go back to court and can negotiate through solicitors. We are going today because H's Form E had little accurate / relevant / in the right format information attached to it and he is and has been difficult and intransigent throughout - shouting at me to "tell him what I want" asset wise. So today we are asking for things like valuations / proper bank statements etc...

I am scared for lots of reasons. Even though it's an administrative hearing, facing H in court is a surreal and horrible thing (we are living in the same house but estranged).

He is going to find out what my legal fees are so far and they are shocking. We are not asking him to contribute but when we are at home he will verbally really lay into me about them.

We are also asking for an order to search the Land Registry to see if he has any undisclosed property (he has hidden property in the past). This will also make him furious. (Having said that he is accusing me of having a property abroad and undisclosed bank accounts (neither of which are true) so what's good for the goose is good for the gander).

How do I go home this evening? He will probably be waiting ready to verbally abuse me. He will have to unleash the anger.

Shall I just not go home shock?

hesterton Wed 06-Dec-17 06:39:34

That sounds dreadful - you poor thing. Is there anyone who might stay with you for the night?

divorcenightmare Wed 06-Dec-17 06:42:59

No there isn't. I am meeting a relative after the hearing and then going to a course in the evening. After that I'll do something to make sure it's really late when I get back. We have dc but they are old enough to fend for themselves after school.

divorcenightmare Wed 06-Dec-17 06:43:37

(Thanks hesterton).

Christmascardqueen Wed 06-Dec-17 06:44:34

Could you stay in a hotel for a night?

manicbutfunctioning Wed 06-Dec-17 06:53:34

I am so sorry to hear about your situation .
I was in a very similar position with my now ex husband . I too stayed in the marital home but the verbal assault I received on a daily basis was crippling so I went to live with my parents until
I could find somewhere to rent . I appreciate that I was lucky to be able to do this but I mentally wouldn’t have been able to continue living under the same roof as him.
My legal fees were horrendous too but my ex couldn’t understand that his unwillingness to be open about his finances and come to an agreement were what pushed the £’s into the stratosphere. Narcissism and thinking he was above the law didn’t help . The law is fair - for both parties - and you will make it through.
There is happiness after all of this heartache . You will have lighter pockets but you will also be of lighter mind . That’s a promise.

Ceto Wed 06-Dec-17 07:07:26

Do you have separate bedrooms? Can you announce you are not going to discuss it and lock yourself away, preferably with ear plugs?

CheapSausagesAndSpam Wed 06-Dec-17 07:26:47

If he verbally attacks you enough to make you afraid, call the police. Don't not go home.

chiaseeddisapointmentagain Wed 06-Dec-17 09:27:58

Hope you're ok

JustMarriedAndLovingIt Wed 06-Dec-17 13:13:27

Sympathise OP. My DH is still finalising his clean break but his ex wife will not sign so it may go to trial. The utterly ridiculous thing is that neither of them owned a property shared or otherwise, no joint savings, no joint pensions. Basically, there is NOTHING to argue over. She has paid zilch towards their joint £8k debts either. Her statement of 'truth' was also full of lies which we disproved and there was alot of irrelevant stuff. She is furious that my DH has moved on whereas she can't get a boyfriend. It is causing us alot of stress and we can't buy a place of our own til this is sorted fangry

BottleBeach Wed 06-Dec-17 13:52:53

JustMarried- your situation seems totally irrelevant to the OP, who is feeling at risk of verbal abuse due to still sharing a home with her ex. But I have to ask: how are you married to someone who is still finalising his divorce?

OP- I hope it went ok this morning. Do whatever you need to feel safe and protect your children. Hang in there- you’ll be free of him soon flowers

divorcenightmare Fri 08-Dec-17 05:57:34

Thanks for the messages. So far H has not had a massive go at me. Now we have the challenge of trying to get valuations etc while being essentially estranged. Also he thinks we should have settled at the hearing even though a lot of the basic information we would have needed isn't there - due to him confused. If he had done everything he was supposed to and on time, we could have avoided the FDA too. And he thinks it is the lawyers and their "gravy train" who are increasing the costs (principally my costs angry).

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