Why does this bother me?

[Arieal]

A manager at work, (who can be difficult but haven't known her long, so trying to get on with her) has a thing where she will ask me how I am and I say 'fine' as you do, and she will reply 'I'm sorry?' in the snootiest way and make me repeat myself so I feel inferior and silly? It's such an innocuous question with only a bland reply expected so why do this... I do have a quiet voice but she manages to hear what else I say.. Am I being silly about this or does anyone else understand what I mean.

[Skippii]

Do you only say 'fine'? Try "fine thanks, and you?'

[Timmytoo]

Maybe she’s trying to get you to say “thanks” after “fine” as I “fine thanks and you” or something like that. If you do say that already then maybe she’s just difficult.

[Timmytoo]

Ha ha cross posted Skippi

[noheating17]

As above

[ThisLittleKitty]

I'm thinking it's probably because you don't ask "and you?" back.

[Arieal]

Remembering when this happened before, my elder son was seriously ill in hospital, I'd been in all night, no sleep and very worried, and a pompous consultant asked how I was, I could barely reply and he did the same? I'm sure it's a power thing, I was only in my early twenties and obviously he was superior to me.

[NC4now]

Yeah, you can mix it up a bit.
“Fine thanks. You?”
“Very well thank you. How are you?”
“Not bad for a Monday... you?”
Etc.
A straight “fine” sounds rude to me.

[Arieal]

No I really don't think it's that, okay she's not my manager but my work coach at the job centre, I've been on ESA, and she knows I have anxiety issues.

[NC4now]

It just sounds short, like you’re shutting down the conversation, when they are being polite and asking how you are.
Nothing wrong with telling the consultant you’re exhausted, or looking forward to going home, or whatever.
I don’t think it’s a power thing.

[Arieal]

So she is being snooty then?

[Rainbowandraindrops67]

She’s trying point out you answer too quietly

[NC4now]

Well, from what you’ve written, no. It sounds like you are being stand offish.

[NC4now]

I guess it depends on tone?

[Arieal]

With the consultant, I was a wreck and could barely speak, he also went onto tell all his medical students that my son had possibly had a stroke, without even talking to me first and I was just sat there.

[NC4now]

I understand that’s difficult but it’s ok to be polite and honest. It won’t affect the outcome.

[DeadGood]

Jesus Christ OP, are you actually reading what people are telling you?

[Arieal]

I'm in a jobcentre in one of the most deprived areas in the UK and she's trying to give me lessons on manners.. never had a problem with other advisors, most have been kind and down to earth.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

Try the “ fine thanks how about you? “ next time and see if you she does it.

[RemainOptimistic]

Try saying not bad and you?

Just to mix it up a bit if nothing else OP

[Arieal]

I am polite? I do say I'm fine thanks, or okay yeah in a pleasant way?

[SparklyScourer]

Yeah if you try that and if she gives you a snooty response you know it’s her issue

[NC4now]

So you can be kind and down to Earth in return then!
I have also signed on at a job Centre in one of the most deprived areas of the UK. I now work in a formal and professional environment. I gave every situation equal courtesy.
Manners cost nothing.

[Arieal]

I am being polite and pleasant, surely she's being unpleasant by making an issue of it?

[Forgettheworld]

If I asked someone how they were and they just answered ‘fine’ I’d think they were very rude.

[Ilovetolurk]

It is usual to enquire how they are in return

If she’s your work coach she probably needs to be more direct