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Why does this bother me?

(245 Posts)
Arieal Tue 05-Dec-17 19:15:52

A manager at work, (who can be difficult but haven't known her long, so trying to get on with her) has a thing where she will ask me how I am and I say 'fine' as you do, and she will reply 'I'm sorry?' in the snootiest way and make me repeat myself so I feel inferior and silly? It's such an innocuous question with only a bland reply expected so why do this... I do have a quiet voice but she manages to hear what else I say.. Am I being silly about this or does anyone else understand what I mean.

Skippii Tue 05-Dec-17 19:18:11

Do you only say 'fine'? Try "fine thanks, and you?'

Timmytoo Tue 05-Dec-17 19:18:26

Maybe she’s trying to get you to say “thanks” after “fine” as I “fine thanks and you” or something like that. If you do say that already then maybe she’s just difficult.

Timmytoo Tue 05-Dec-17 19:18:54

Ha ha cross posted Skippi

noheating17 Tue 05-Dec-17 19:19:45

As above

ThisLittleKitty Tue 05-Dec-17 19:20:03

I'm thinking it's probably because you don't ask "and you?" back.

Arieal Tue 05-Dec-17 19:20:12

Remembering when this happened before, my elder son was seriously ill in hospital, I'd been in all night, no sleep and very worried, and a pompous consultant asked how I was, I could barely reply and he did the same? I'm sure it's a power thing, I was only in my early twenties and obviously he was superior to me.

NC4now Tue 05-Dec-17 19:21:03

Yeah, you can mix it up a bit.
“Fine thanks. You?”
“Very well thank you. How are you?”
“Not bad for a Monday... you?”
Etc.
A straight “fine” sounds rude to me.

Arieal Tue 05-Dec-17 19:22:13

No I really don't think it's that, okay she's not my manager but my work coach at the job centre, I've been on ESA, and she knows I have anxiety issues.

NC4now Tue 05-Dec-17 19:22:49

It just sounds short, like you’re shutting down the conversation, when they are being polite and asking how you are.
Nothing wrong with telling the consultant you’re exhausted, or looking forward to going home, or whatever.
I don’t think it’s a power thing.

Arieal Tue 05-Dec-17 19:23:04

So she is being snooty then?

Rainbowandraindrops67 Tue 05-Dec-17 19:24:18

She’s trying point out you answer too quietly

NC4now Tue 05-Dec-17 19:24:19

Well, from what you’ve written, no. It sounds like you are being stand offish.

NC4now Tue 05-Dec-17 19:24:48

I guess it depends on tone?

Arieal Tue 05-Dec-17 19:25:39

With the consultant, I was a wreck and could barely speak, he also went onto tell all his medical students that my son had possibly had a stroke, without even talking to me first and I was just sat there.

NC4now Tue 05-Dec-17 19:26:57

I understand that’s difficult but it’s ok to be polite and honest. It won’t affect the outcome.

DeadGood Tue 05-Dec-17 19:27:19

Jesus Christ OP, are you actually reading what people are telling you?

Arieal Tue 05-Dec-17 19:27:50

I'm in a jobcentre in one of the most deprived areas in the UK and she's trying to give me lessons on manners.. never had a problem with other advisors, most have been kind and down to earth.

GreatDuckCookery Tue 05-Dec-17 19:27:57

Try the “ fine thanks how about you? “ next time and see if you she does it.

RemainOptimistic Tue 05-Dec-17 19:28:36

Try saying not bad and you?

Just to mix it up a bit if nothing else OP

hmm

Arieal Tue 05-Dec-17 19:29:16

I am polite? I do say I'm fine thanks, or okay yeah in a pleasant way?

SparklyScourer Tue 05-Dec-17 19:29:41

Yeah if you try that and if she gives you a snooty response you know it’s her issue

NC4now Tue 05-Dec-17 19:30:13

So you can be kind and down to Earth in return then!
I have also signed on at a job Centre in one of the most deprived areas of the UK. I now work in a formal and professional environment. I gave every situation equal courtesy.
Manners cost nothing.

Arieal Tue 05-Dec-17 19:31:53

I am being polite and pleasant, surely she's being unpleasant by making an issue of it?

Forgettheworld Tue 05-Dec-17 19:31:57

If I asked someone how they were and they just answered ‘fine’ I’d think they were very rude.

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