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To not know how to deal with my son hitting me

(168 Posts)
reindeercrossing Tue 05-Dec-17 16:48:36

I am pathetic I know.

He is having a hard time. But I am literally his punch bag. He punches my back when I turn away, pulls disgusted faces at me, shoves me.

Then he cries and wants a cuddle and says how sorry he is.

Like being trapped in an abusive relationship with your own DS.

Aducknotallama Tue 05-Dec-17 16:50:39

How old is he?

ColonelJackONeil Tue 05-Dec-17 16:51:27

How old is your ds? You need to deal with this whatever the age but obviously how to stop him will depend.

ColonelJackONeil Tue 05-Dec-17 16:52:02

Also does he have any SN?

reindeercrossing Tue 05-Dec-17 16:52:22

He is ten, couple of months off turning eleven.

RestingGrinchFace Tue 05-Dec-17 16:53:04

Maybe don't forgive him so quickly? Mine don't really hit much these days but they both went through a i'm just gonna smack you right on your face phase at around 2. I would just pretend to cry/say no/ignore them/remove them from the room. As they got older I would express my displeasure for longer. My eldest is coming up to four now and only hits out when he is having a really bad tantrum which is very rare. If he's feeling sorry he must know it's wrong. Just make him feel sorr enough not to do it again.

reindeercrossing Tue 05-Dec-17 16:53:07

No SN but some emotional issues which I suppose are a SN of sorts, but they are environmental rather than inherent.

MrsMotherHen Tue 05-Dec-17 16:54:26

Punish him let him know he behaviour is unacceptable. Ground him? Take away gadgets ect?

reindeercrossing Tue 05-Dec-17 16:56:08

He's not really bothered by anything like that.

Grounding him would have minimal impact and he only really has a Kindle. I could confiscate it but I feel books are healing in a weird way smile

outofmydepth45 Tue 05-Dec-17 16:59:01

You need to identify a carrot and stick asap (and no not a literal stick before anyone suggests that is what I mean)

MrsMotherHen Tue 05-Dec-17 16:59:48

I would take the kindle personally.

TieGrr Tue 05-Dec-17 17:01:06

Can you work on what triggers the hitting rather than the hitting itself? Because by that point, it's gone too far.

He's having a hard time - is he getting any support for this or any outlet to release stress?

BMW6 Tue 05-Dec-17 17:01:10

What does he value?

reindeercrossing Tue 05-Dec-17 17:03:17

He values music.

Tie - it's when he is frustrated or feeling rejected.

Lizzie48 Tue 05-Dec-17 17:03:17

My DD1 (8) does that. She and DD2 (5) are adopted and birth siblings, and she has Attachment Disorder. She just lashes out, and she does it to DD2 sometimes. Or else she throws things. My DH doesn't really get it as she doesn't hurt him.

No real advice. With DD1 we give her a sanction, reduce her pocket money. She does get it and it is getting better (at the moment anyway, we've had false dawns before).

thanks for you, OP. I know it's not easy.

reindeercrossing Tue 05-Dec-17 17:03:47

Thanks smile

Moanyoldcow Tue 05-Dec-17 17:03:52

Why is he hitting you? Are there triggers? Is he seeing a therapist or getting any support?

Namechangetempissue Tue 05-Dec-17 17:03:57

I think I would ask for professional help in these circumstances (you said he is having a hard time?). Take him to a GP and ask for a referral to the relevant people where he can talk about his issues.

reindeercrossing Tue 05-Dec-17 17:05:05

He appears very sweet, slightly anxious, quiet and reserved.

He won't talk to anyone except me about what's troubling him.

Namechangetempissue Tue 05-Dec-17 17:06:21

He needs help -please see a GP. He sounds very lost flowers

semideponent Tue 05-Dec-17 17:11:07

What kind of a hard time, OP? The reason for asking is that I struggled through conflict after conflict with DS from age 9-13. It eventually resolved in an adhd diagnosis... turns out the difficulties and conflicts mostly came from that being misunderstood and not treated. We were taking the usual route of consequences etc., without understanding what DS was and was not capable of. We thought our expectations were reasonable; his self-esteem and attitude dived lower and lower as he found he was unable to meet them (without understanding why this was the case). Often family relationships were a target for his frustration. It was really upsetting at the time, but diagnosis and medication have helped a lot.

Just a thought.

semideponent Tue 05-Dec-17 17:12:57

Fwiw, I got nowhere with the local GP or CAMHS. I might have done if I'd been pushier, though. We went private in the end and even though I still wince at the bills, it has been worth it and DS is so, so much happier.

reindeercrossing Tue 05-Dec-17 17:13:04

Marriage breaking down. It's obviously thrown his world apart, but I'm concerned he's being physical.

BarbarianMum Tue 05-Dec-17 17:15:41

He needs help to process his emotions. Could you afford to pay for him to see somebody?

StormTreader Tue 05-Dec-17 17:16:28

"it's when he is frustrated or feeling rejected."

Ah ok, so its more of a "I dont know what to do with this painful feeling!!!" thing than a genuine desire to hurt you? I think I've seen punching bags or punching cushions recommended in similar situations, would that be an option? So he can express his hurt on something that isnt you?

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