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Overbearing mil....wwyd?!

(64 Posts)
bellarosa81 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:25:13

Or rather what should I do?

I've actually posted a thread about this before! Once again the mother in law , with whom I otherwise get on well with, is not listening and does what she sees fit with our children. Again it's with clothes but the main issue is I feel it's another dig at mine and my partner's choices regarding our children- that what we do isn't good enough and she is better. She makes comments about what we buy and that it's not good for them.

She went out with my partner to buy my son some new snow boots and he then sent me a photo of him with new boots , coat , hat and gloves!
Note -we have so many as we live in a very cold country.
My partner said he tried to say the extra items weren't necessary but didn't take any notice and she bought them anyway.

Do I have to confront her and tell her to stop? I'm upset more than angry and almost want to ask " are they your children or mine?!!" ..I don't want to be aggressive blunt but then maybe that's what I need to do with her.

I thought I could ignore it and look at it as a nice gift from grandma but it's niggling me.

DearMrDilkington Mon 04-Dec-17 17:30:10

What's the issue? Once the dc outgrow the clothes just give them to a charity shop or sell them. Or keep some bits at her house as spares.

NeepNeepNeep Mon 04-Dec-17 17:33:14

What would I do? Say thank you?

bellarosa81 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:34:50

We do that already so it's more the fact that she doesn't listen to us. If I don't use them I know she will ask why .

eastlondoner Mon 04-Dec-17 17:34:57

No clue as to why that would upset you. confused

Tinselistacky Mon 04-Dec-17 17:35:15

Take them back to the shop. Tell her you have given the cash to charity. And do it.

bellarosa81 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:36:47

We do say thankyou ! But this is just unnecessary. It's not even things they need.

Ellie56 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:37:18

Unless the clothes are really naff and hideous say thank you. If you live in a cold country you can probably never have too many of these things.

NeepNeepNeep Mon 04-Dec-17 17:37:38

She was buying snow boots so I can see how she saw some other nice things and thought she would get them. She was with your partner. It's not as if she randomly went out and bought a whole wardrobe. When kids get older you can't control everything they wear. Maybe you could keep them in the car as emergency
spares.

ThriftyMcThrifty Mon 04-Dec-17 17:39:46

I have way too many clothes for my kids. But both their grandmothers love to buy them more. What do I do? I don’t buy as much, as I know it makes them happy. They love to indulge them, and buy practical things. We have different taste, but it makes them happy. For what it’s worth I remember my mum never let me wear pink as a kid - unless my grandma bought it!

SassySausageSupper Mon 04-Dec-17 17:40:20

Donate them to charity. Stop worrying about it. It's her money and her decision to buy them, doesn't mean the kids need to wear them.

NeepNeepNeep Mon 04-Dec-17 17:41:00

In have had kids clothes bought by well-meaning people that I don't like at all (think awful slogans). I say thanks, make sure they wear them around the giver on a visit then put them away. They soon outgrow them ;)

bellarosa81 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:41:05

The thing is she already makes comments about how I dress my children and the things I put them in. I feel like it is a criticism of my parenting and have become quite sensitive about it.

Sn0tnose Mon 04-Dec-17 17:42:34

I haven't seen your other post but I'm guessing there is probably a bit more to it than just buying them things that they don't need. What else does she do that makes you think she's undermining your choices?

NeepNeepNeep Mon 04-Dec-17 17:43:14

But this sounds like you feel generally dominated by MIL and it's about more than naff clothes.

bellarosa81 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:43:15

Thankyou though everyone ! You are very right . I'm just a bit insecure living in a foreign country - but that's a whole other thread!

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin Mon 04-Dec-17 17:43:22

My exMIL loved buying clothes for my children and sometimes they had so much stuff that wasn’t to DCs taste/too small when given to them we it donated elsewhere, some hardly worn/not worn at all. I used to point out how nice it was to do that but the children had so many clothes it wasn’t really necessary but she didn’t listen. Her money spent on unneeded stuff so no issue for me. Shrug.

Sn0tnose Mon 04-Dec-17 17:45:08

Could you not say to her something like 'thank you for the snow clothes. My goodness, we do have different taste, don't we?!'

bellarosa81 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:45:41

She has come into our house and moved things around /changed things confused

NeepNeepNeep Mon 04-Dec-17 17:46:22

Practise some assertive phrases like I dunno "He's my son and I will dress him how I like" or "That's just your opinion MIL". Smile when you say it? I know it's not easy. It's only natural to feel sensitive about things when people criticise.

NeepNeepNeep Mon 04-Dec-17 17:47:49

Well you are a saint for putting up with that. Sounds like she wants to be the matriarch. Can you be bothered with that? Just be blunt. Google assertiveness stuff.

bellarosa81 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:48:03

Yes neep I did think of using a phrase like that.

altiara Mon 04-Dec-17 17:48:05

I’d be annoyed at your partner for allowing it, so now that he has allowed it, then I’d just put the extras away and get them out if you lose the current coat/hat/gloves. If she asks then just tell her they already have xxx and you hope the stuff she bought will fit when they’ve grown out of their current clothes.

In what way is she critical of how you dress your DC? Do you need help with something to say to Her to try and stop her comments?

bellarosa81 Mon 04-Dec-17 17:49:44

I think it's a problem because of how uncomfortable it makes me feel. I don't usually have a problem being assertive in other situations but I don't want to hurt her feelings if she just means well.

NeepNeepNeep Mon 04-Dec-17 17:50:24

Yea just nip it in the bud. I have been too nice to such types in the past. Now I don't care. After all she doesn't care about offending you does she so crack on.

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