bad breath!

[willothewisp17]

I am aware that this type of thread has been done a lot recently, but am starting to get annoyed.

Husband has hideously bad breath, I'll spare you the details of what I think it smells like. He knows this, I've made him aware (not nastily) and I've told him that bad breath is not just unpleasant, but could actually be due to health problems and he should really go to the dentist.

This has been going on for a long time now! He just huffs and puffs! Brushes his teeth once a day in morning before work and doesn't take longer than 30 seconds brushing them. Doesn't use mouthwash, despite mouthwash being there right next to the sink! Won't entertain chewing gum. Eats mints only when he feels like eating a mint. I feel like because he doesn't notice and it doesn't bother him then he thinks why should be bother.

Every other aspect of his hygiene is fine, shower every night, regular hand washing, clean clothes. It's just the breath.

And he wonders why I have zero sexual interest in him. I can't kiss him. I don't want to kiss him. Am I being unreasonable to feel that he is really bloody disrespectful because he won't sort the bad breath issue out oven even try!

[thewisestoldelf]

Has he had it checked out by a dentist?

Btw doe he not brush his teeth at night?

[WhatATimeToBeAlive]

Bad breath can also be related to digestive issues, so it might be worth exploring that avenue further too.

[willothewisp17]

hasn't been to the dentist to see about it. doesn't brush his teeth at night either. once in the morning and that's it, and when it's his weekends off he had sometimes to be reminded or he wouldn't even bother

[PigPigDogDog]

YANBU, bad breath is vile and totally off putting. It might not be a teeth issue but a diet one. Does he brush his tongue/drink or eat a lot of dairy?

I brush two times a day religiously, and sometimes after each meal/a cup of tea too (can't stand the horrible milk tongue feel!)

Have you tried telling him in no uncertain terms that you find it really hard to be attracted to him when his breath smells horrible?

I'd be really embarrassed if my breath was so bad my OH had to write a thread about it

[DarthMaiden]

Not brushing twice daily is pretty grim.

It's highly likely that he's got a lot of plaque on his teeth (that bacteria likes to feed on) that's at least one cause of bad breath. It's not dissimilar to not showering and bacteria feeding off perspiration causing BO.

He's also not cleaning properly the one time he does do it, so he's also likely got food particles trapped between his teeth literally rotting away in his mouth.

My guess is he doesn't smell his own breath and is probably unaware of just how foul it is.

The fact he washes/showers means he's not totally unaware of the need for decent hygiene.

Aside from the breath he's very likely to be a candidate for gum disease and tooth decay.

Tell him to scrape some of the detritus from the back of his teeth, put it on a small plate and then get him to smell it. Then ask if he'd want to be around/kiss that. It's a good way of people actually smelling their own breath.

He sounds like he desperately needs to visit a Dental Hyginist tbh and have his teeth properly de-scaled and cleaned before starting a proper dental regimen of cleaning twice daily for at least 3 minutes and using floss/water pic or interdental brushes to clean between teeth.

Do you know if he's phobic about the dentist?

[Tinselistacky]

I hope you don't have sex with him op......
Yuck!!

[ISpySpanish]

My DH has exactly the same problem OP. I've told him several times about it but unlike your DH he has tried mouthwash, gum and mints and flossing (although he only brushes once a day). I noticed a huge improvement in his breath when he stopped smoking for a while - does your DH smoke? I will only get intimate with my DH when he's given his teeth a thorough brush and rinsed with mouthwash.

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

It could be many other things rather than relating to his dental hygiene. Post nasal drip, reflux, stomach issues, tonsil stones, being allergic to dairy are just a few issues that can cause bad breath. He really should be trying to address the problem as it’s unfair on you and those around him.

[Softkitty2]

Maybe start taking him to the bathroom at night and say brush your teeth for atleast 2 mins.

If you can smell it other people (colleagues) can smell it too.

[DarthMaiden]

But if he's brushing for only 30 seconds once a day the probability is high that dental hygiene (or rather lack of it) is the primary cause of his bad breath.

He needs to address that first.

[Softkitty2]

People here have suggested maybe its digestive issues etc etc but to rule those out he needs to brush for more than 30secs atleast 2x a day, floss and mouthwash. And maybe see a hygienist for good measure.

[jay55]

Does he like gadgets? Maybe a waterpick or a fancy electric toothbrush would help a little.

[willothewisp17]

It can be that bad I've found myself sniffing my DD to see if it's her nappy, but low and behold, it's not!

ISpySpanish he doesn't smoke no, but does have a pretty poor diet, won't drink water, only fizzy juice, next to no fruit or veg.

his teeth themselves are pretty caked! I hate doing this, it feels terrible writing about it here, but he pays me no attention! he comments on my teeth brushing I brush mine 'too hard' and it gives him the creeps the way I brush my teeth!

[willothewisp17]

Softkitty2 and jay55 I feel if I fud those things I'd make the situation worse and like I was treating him like a child! although he does really like gadgets, so maybe I could get him something like that for christmas?

I don't want him to be spoken about as being some minger with horrible breathe by others (for example work) but other people (family) are starting to notice now I don't even need t be up close at him to smell it, it's so pungent. sometimes if I mention it he will go and get a drink or eat some chocolate to get rid of the smell, trying to mask it!

[GreatDuckCookery6211]

If his teeth are caked 🤢 then his first job should be to see a dental hygienist.

[Allthewaves]

It's horrible. The only way dh (who has extreme phobia of the dentist) was to get blunt. I told him unless he sorted his teeth out he wouldn't be getting any action or even a huge as it was grossing me out and making me feel sick. I booked him an appointment with a lovely dentist which I drove him to. He ended up needing quite a lot of dental work. He's still not great with oral hygiene but has got a bit better brushing and uses a special mouth wash twice a day. I'm bluntly honest every time or he will let it slide

[strugglingtodomybest]

YANBU. If he can't even be bothered to brush his teeth for 2 minutes before coming to bed with you then that doesn't sound too good. What's his reaction been like to you saying no sex unless he sorts it out? Does he care?

(anyone else just had to go and brush their teeth?!)

[Vitalogy]

Some great suggestions on here but all this is no good if he won't even entertain any of it. Ultimatum time I think.

[clarkyclarkson]

People who have never had to endure living with someone with bad breath just don't understand how absolutely awful it is. I broke up with my last boyfriend due to his awful breath which sounds so dramatic but it was so disgusting I could barely go near him and any sexual feelings I had for him just completely went. I don't have a solution but I feel your pain OP!

[RedForFilth]

Ugh I know this sounds dramatic and petty but I couldn't be with someone like this! He has no self respect, no respect for you, his kids or anyone else who is near him. He's setting a shit example to his kids. I couldn't stand that, even reading about it makes e feel sick! I'm usually against ultimatums but I'd issue one and be prepared to follow through with it.

[smashyourglasses]

Just get rid of him

[nutellatruffle]

I doubt it's a dental issue. It's three minutes recommended brushing and to be honest I have to brush mine for five minutes to feel properly clean. Thirty seconds once a day must have loads of plaque building up. Yuck.

[DarthMaiden]

If his teeth are "caked" (I'm guessing in plaque) an electric toothbrush isn't going to cut it in isolation.

He needs to see a Hyginist first to get the years of accumulated detritus off his teeth first and then start brushing and cleaning properly.

I think you have to bite the bullet OP.

You've say you've spoken to him nicely, well now I think you need to be very blunt indeed.

Tell him exactly how bad it smells - in detail (make him smell a dirty nappy if that's how it smells). Explain it's not just "close up". Say how other people in the family have noticed it and as such it's definitely going to noticed at work and when socialising.

Tell him how bad his teeth look as well as smell - caked in plaque. How unattractive it is to the extent it's absolutely impacting your relationship.

Ask if he wants dentures in a few years?

His failure to do anything about it is a reflection of both a lack of self respect and respect for you.

You are not asking for anything remotely unreasonable. The majority of 8 year olds brush properly twice daily and visit the dentist regularly. You don't expect him to put up with poor hygiene on your behalf and expect the same courtesy in return.

In other words pull no punches. Then tell him what he needs to do 1. Visit a Hyginist 2. Invest in an electric toothbrush 3. Use it twice daily for 3 minutes 4. Use mouthwash and floss/water pick/interdental brushes.

Key is to get him to a Hyginist who I'm sure would explain exactly how bad his teeth/gums were and the damage he is causing/already caused.

If he won't do this then I'd have serious doubts about the relationship. It's about more than bad breath - it's about expecting your spouse to put up with something highly repugnant and unattractive that is fundamentally easily addressed - if you can't be arsed to do that then it's a reflection of your lack of respect and care for them.