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To want to change my engagement ring?

(69 Posts)
Openup41 Mon 04-Dec-17 12:44:30

I lost my engagement ring a few years into my marriage - a bit of a long story. I replaced with a similar ring but much smaller diamond - around £200 in a local second hand jewellers.

I have never liked the ring and it holds no sentimental value. I hate the fact that someone wore it before me. I would like to change it but would have to save for at least a year even for £1200 as we have other priorities and little disposable income.

I am thinking of buying a fake diamond ring as I cannot justify saving up for a year or two just for a ring. I would buy it for myself as dh has never shown interest in replacing it. We have looked at jewellers and I have made it very clear I would like a replacement. I hinted at receiving an eternity ring after ten years of marriage but it did not happen.

carnassials Mon 04-Dec-17 12:48:23

But a new ring would also hold no sentimental value?

Hanuman Mon 04-Dec-17 12:50:44

To me it would be strange to prioritise this when you don't have much disposable income. If I were you, I would just stop wearing the ring you don't like and not replace it.

MotherCupboard Mon 04-Dec-17 12:50:45

Engagement rings are a huge waste of money but doubly so when you're already married. It won't be your actual engagement ring so what's the point?

44PumpLane Mon 04-Dec-17 12:53:16

carnassials the OP said she doesn't like it and it holds no sentimental value, not that she doesn't like it because it holds no sentimental value.

OP YWNBU to buy an inexpensive cubic zirconia type ring that you will enjoy wearing and like the look of. I think this is a very sensible suggestion and far better than scrimping for a year to splurge on something that will look similar and very few will be able to tell is a diamond over a cubic.

This is not meant sarcastically but somewhere like Accesorize may have some nice sterling silver and cubic zirconia rings that would do the trick and at least you would have something you find pretty on your finger.

K0729P Mon 04-Dec-17 12:54:16

Do you need to spend £1200?

Surely there are plenty of high street jewellers etc that have much more affordable prices that you'd be able to find something in?

Cracker09jacker Mon 04-Dec-17 12:54:36

Can't you tell him how you feel about the ring and discuss getting another? Rather than dropping hints?
There are some lovely man made diamonds on the likes of vancaro, carat, magherafelt diamonds, for not a huge amount of money. It's worth looking into if you're that unhappy with it.
I don't wear my engagement ring anymore and have often considered selling it. Seems such a waste sitting in a box for years on end. I love it but my wedding ring is just easier to wear

FilledSoda Mon 04-Dec-17 12:55:38

You'll hate the fake diamond because you know it's fake.
By all means get some nice costume jewellery and enjoy it but don't try to pretend it's something it's not.
Kirstie Allsop wore a beautiful cocktail ring before she got her diamond ring, it was cool and stylish.
Someone I know suddenly started sporting a rock with her wedding ring, if it had been real it would have been 10c. It just caused so much awkwardness , do you compliment it ?
Do you pretend you don't know it's paste ?
It was timed to coincide with someone else's engagement but that's a whole other story. hmm

smartiecake Mon 04-Dec-17 12:56:32

I was in a similar situation OP. The stone fell out of my solitaire engagement ring on a trip to sainsburys. It was not covered by the house insurance. I was really upset but we didn't have the money to buy another.
I have replaced it with a fake 'diamonique' from qvc. I have had that for about 6 years now and it looks very genuine and i am happy with it. Whilst I would like a real one I can't see that ever happening as it would be bottom of the priority list spending wise.

carnassials Mon 04-Dec-17 12:56:43

Regardless of terminology, it would never be the actual engagement ring that was lost. I understand that is a sad thought.

Ferret2018london Mon 04-Dec-17 12:57:06

My partner has yet to propose, so biasedly whilst reading that I thought "at least you have a bloody ring!" haha. For me personally, I would certainly not spend a great deal on a piece of metal for my finger and I'd try to think positively about the ring, not based on how expensive it is or if it was second hand but the fact it's on your finger because someone you love has proposed! (I'm also a huge second-hand fanatic, visiting charity shops and pawn shops...) So this is all just my opinion. Worry about bigger things! smile

Openup41 Mon 04-Dec-17 12:58:12

carnaissals by saying the old ring had no sentimental values, I meant because I bought it for myself as a replacement ring it is not the actual ring dh proposed with. I have no attachment to it.

Hanuman you have a point. I really do not like the ring, partly because the diamond and the band is tiny. The jeweller actually stated I just got away with such a small ring as my fingers are thin.

motherboard no it will not be my engagement ring but I would prefer it to my current ring.

I do not blame dh as I chose the ring which was the best I could buy at the time with such a limited budget. I panicked and felt I needed a replacement straight away.

Openup41 Mon 04-Dec-17 13:06:28

smartycakes I am toying with the idea of having a fake ring. I would never buy anything remotely 'out there' so it would not draw any attention.

I cannot just wear the wedding ring as it is a plainish band and not very beautiful. We paid £200 to £300 for a 'his and hers' in a high st store - H Samuel I think.

AfterSchoolWorry Mon 04-Dec-17 13:10:04

Why don't you consider moissanite?

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Mon 04-Dec-17 13:12:13

My engagement ring was stolen in a burglary. I replaced it with a very good quality fake so that I wouldn't have to worry about losing it or having it stolen. Tru Diamonds and Brilliant Inc are both good quality.

LoniceraJaponica Mon 04-Dec-17 13:12:45

"Engagement rings are a huge waste of money but doubly so when you're already married. It won't be your actual engagement ring so what's the point?"

This ^^

I have never understood why people put so much significance into the cost of a ring. I value my husband far more than any piece of jewellery.

I guess, that as I am not a ring person anyway, I don't get the angst about engagement rings. I never had one because I didn't want one. When DH and I discussed marriage I told him not to bother with a ring. We were skint at the time and needed a new cooker. My wedding ring is just a plain 9ct gold band that cost £30 (in 1981)

Thingsthatgo Mon 04-Dec-17 13:13:20

I’m a jewellery designer. When I had my Shop I often made engagement ring for couple from gold or platinum with a cz instead of a diamond. Many of them saved up and got a real diamond a few years later. It works well because it’s still the same ring, but upgraded!
Also CZs don’t last in rings, they’re not hard enough and they scratch easily, so they need replacing after a while.

Shouldileavethedogs Mon 04-Dec-17 13:14:54

Why do people even need engagement rings. My dh and I didn't bother and neither of us wear our wedding ring either.

WeAllHaveWings Mon 04-Dec-17 13:17:55

with little disposable income I think its madness to splurge £1200 on a piece of jewellery, as that is all it would be it wouldn't be your engagement ring, you wont get that sentimental attachment back.

How does your dh feels about you wanting to spend so much money on a piece of jewellery when financially it will be difficult?

sadcaptains Mon 04-Dec-17 13:17:55

I would definitely recommend looking on Amazon if you're look for something inexpensive and sparkly. I got myself a ring for a night out that got loads of compliments, but I don't think it cost more than £20.

shoeaddict83 Mon 04-Dec-17 13:20:12

a new one wont hold any sentimental value either as its still not the one he proposed with?? so not sure how a new more expensive one would solve that issue. hmm

As you've been married so long i dont get the need to get a new one, why not ditch the ring you dont like and replace with an eternity ring, ask DH again for one and say its to replace the engagement ring rather than wanting a replacement engagement ring AND hinting at an eternity ring?

EmilyChambers79 Mon 04-Dec-17 13:23:28

Wasn't your original engagement ring replaceable on your house insurance?

Mine is covered under contents as a named item but also has its own insurance. I'd be gutted if I lost mine.

blueskyinmarch Mon 04-Dec-17 13:23:37

My engagement ring was stolen just after we got married and it was replaced by an identical one by the insurance. I never felt the same about it because it wasn't the original one then a diamond fell out of it and i never wore it again.

When my DD2 was born DH bought me a lovely diamond and ruby eternity ring which i wore with my wedding band and i still love it. On my 50th birthday he bought me a small diamond ring which i wear with my wedding band and the eternity ring.

On our 30th wedding anniversary i asked for what i called a 'bling ring' - something i could wear when i was going out that i wouldn't normally wear. We spent about £600 on a ruby and diamond ring which i adore and love wearing when we are out.

I guess what i am saying is that each ring i have been given subsequent to my engagement ring being stolen has a meaning. Maybe you need to wait until your DH can buy you a 'significant' ring so it can actually mean something to you?

Openup41 Mon 04-Dec-17 13:24:00

Filledsoda Really?

chocatoo Mon 04-Dec-17 13:25:52

What about having a small diamond(s) pushed into your wedding ring? That way you get some sparkle, it means more, being your own ring, and it's cost effective.
My wedding band has 3 slightly larger diamonds and 4 teeny ones in it - it was second hand (I quite like the idea of second hand) - the jeweller suggested that when we were rich, I might replace the teeny ones with bigger ones (never going to happen!). She said that lots of women get married with a plain gold band, then add diamonds as they become wealthier.

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