to not want to listen to my neighbour having sex?

[lucynevermind]

I live in a converted flat, there is zero sound proofing. My upstairs neighbour is generally really inconsiderate and noisy. We are both mid thirties, I live alone, she lives with her young son apart from when he's staying with his dad. When he is staying with his father (several times a week) she has her boyfriend over and they have sex sessions where she proceeds to scream for the duration, it's like something between a seal being clubbed to death and a porn show. I am pretty sure the noise is mostly faking it and isn't genuine pleasure which somehow makes it even more annoying, she is also very..ahem..'descriptive' so the sex sessions are fully narrated. I know the neighbours next to her have young children and that they will be hearing it as much as I am too which is just plain nasty and irresponsible but I know they won't complain as their English is very bad and they are very shy.

She is generally a bit of an idiot, she stomps around constantly so my light fittings jangle, I had to use 3M strips on all my pictures on the walls as the movement from upstairs means the frames constantly move all over the place. She had a party at 2am on Saturday which woke me up until it finished at 4am, smoked so much it came through my ceiling so my flat has stunk all weekend, then again came in drunk at 1am this morning, woke me up falling around, then two screaming sex sessions this morning. She smokes out of her bathroom window and flicks the fag ends onto my patio... I could go on... I pay quite a lot on rent to live here and I spend a lot of time with headphones in because of the constant noise and it's really quite stressful, I've had really disturbed sleep this weekend so felt pretty crappy. I'm not really sure how to handle it as it feels like saying "you're an inconsiderate twat, please could you not be"? I feel like I don't do things that I think would bother my neighbours or even impact on their environment, no loud parties, no hoovering at unreasonable hours, no screaming, slamming things around or stomping...how can you rationalise with someone who is just deeply inconsiderate?

[SadTrombone]

Very loud round of applause when she's finished, complete with whooping and whistling. Hopefully she will get the hint! Either that or start playing the radio really loudly every time they start up.

[QueenOfAccidentalDeathStares]

Start applauding loudly when they finish, or put Barry White on.

[Liara]

If you don't own and are renting - just move. It sounds like your flat is completely inadequate in terms of soundproofing anyway, so anywhere else is not likely to be worse.

Life is too short.

[QueenOfAccidentalDeathStares]

Great minds sadtrombone

[RemainOptimistic]

Why are you still living there? It sounds like actual torture.

[MakeMisogynyAHateCrime]

Note through the door

"I don't know if you are aware but the sound proofing in this building is very poor. As a result I can hear you coming and going - very loudly. I can also hear you cumming and him going which is even less enjoyable."

[Maelstrop]

Looking at similar anti-social behaviour from the charming chavvy cow who lives in a council owned 'older person' flat above one of my neighbours, I suggest you give notice and move. Is it the same landlord? Worth complaining? I've been in a similar position. I sold up after a torturous year :(

[Biggreygoose]

Stockpile a few choice phrases to shout when they stop.

A mortal kombat style "finish her" or "I haven't finished wanking yet" work particularly well.

Or just, yer know, just try talking to her.

[lucynevermind]

Hah! Loving these ideas, I actually have tried playing the radio really loudly and putting to on top of wardrobe for added impact but that hasn't worked, will try the round of applause, and Barry White next!

I gave notice on the day I moved in as she moved in on the same day and the 4 year old son ran the length and breadth of their flat above me and it sounded like a hippo, so I realised the sound proofing was sh*t then and had a huge panic, even tried to get my deposit back but was locked in : ( I've spoken with my landlord who isn't the same as hers and she's pretty unhappy as I was supposed to be a longterm tenant (three years plus). I'm really sad about it as it is a lovely flat in the perfect location and I've had a really shitty few years and this was supposed to be a lovely fresh start. She's shitting all over it.

[BahHumbygge]

Change your wifi user name to "No15wecanhearyoushagging"

[butterfly56]

Unbelievable!!
I would definitely not pay a lot of rent to live underneath that!!!

[lucynevermind]

Thank heavens for mumsnet people, you are really cheering me up, note through door great idea, thanks MakeMisogynyAHateCrime!! and BahHumbygge sheer genius, going to do that now and Biggreygoose

[user1493413286]

My neighbour is the same advice yours, one night I nearly rang the police because I thought someone was being hurt.

[usernameavailable]

@BahHumbygge * Change your wifi user name to "No15wecanhearyoushagging*

Do this! Genius!

[runwalkrun]

she proceeds to scream for the duration, it's like something between a seal being clubbed to death and a porn show.

Too funny

[RaingodsWithZippos]

Our ndn are loud in the sex department. The woman screams "you're the best!" Over and over. DH went through a phase of playing Tina Turner's Simply The Best every time we heard it. I was less mature and made equally loud fake sex noises.

They have 3 kids, two who are teens, who live in the house with them. I feel sorry for them.

[Creambun2]

Always go for top floor flats as it cuts the chance of noise out a bit.

[runwalkrun]

We used to live next door to a Screamer.

We reckoned she was faking it.

[EvilDoctorBallerinaRoastDuck]

"Seven!"

[lucynevermind]

Might download an mp3 of stadium applause to play loudly at the end of the next screaming sex session!

There were no top floor flats when I was looking, but I will NEVER do this again, odds are you'll always end up living under a twat.

runwalkrun this one is def faking it, which annoys me more as the noise is unnecessary. I think its meant to give him encouragement though as what is good about the situation (for me at least) is that he doesn't last very long...

[cathyclown]

I'd say it's a porn movie they are watching on HIGH volume, and both of them are actually impotent.

[HundredMilesAnHour]

Any chance you can find out who her landlord is and complain to them?

I had a noisy neighbour moved in above me recently (although not in the same league as the OP's neighbour) so I emailed their landlord (who I vaguely know as we've both owned our flats for years). She sorted her new tenant out straight away and he's been pretty quiet since then.

[SadTrombone]

@QueenOfAccidentalDeathStares Spooooky!

@Biggreygoose "Stockpile a few choice phrases to shout when they stop... a mortal kombat style "finish her" ...?" HA! Dead.

[runwalkrun]

I think its meant to give him encouragement though as what is good about the situation (for me at least) is that he doesn't last very long

Sounds like she's trying to egg him on, to get it over and done with not that we've ever done that

[runwalkrun]

Only when I'm really tired