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To wonder why I never get chatted up?

(81 Posts)
Southerntimesx Sun 03-Dec-17 18:10:20

Went on a night out with two friends last night, and my best friend once again was chatted up by a man who's asking her out for a drink today. She seems to get chatted up and 'pulls' on every night we go on.

I, on the other hand, never ever am. Men never introduce themselves and never try to talk to me. I've been single for nearly ten years. I've had FWB situations with existing friends but never have anyone interested on nights out. It doesn't bother me too much but what is the key? How do some women have men flocking to them on every night out while others never get a hello? At risk of sounding arrogant I think I'm relatively good looking so I don't think it's my looks putting men off, but it's definitely something.

FlouncyDoves Sun 03-Dec-17 18:12:39

Resting bitch face?

JollyGiraffe Sun 03-Dec-17 18:13:28

They may be intimidated by your beauty! grin

Namethecat Sun 03-Dec-17 18:17:53

I know my ' resting ' face is a bit miserable looking. Could your friend be a bit more outgoing and smiley looking so perhaps looks more approachable than you. Or perhaps she ' projects ' into the room more than you. Do you focus on the people you are with rather than glance and smile,make eye contact with the men that are milling around ?

Julie8008 Sun 03-Dec-17 18:21:29

Have you tried chatting up any men? Maybe your mate is proactive?

Southerntimesx Sun 03-Dec-17 18:24:27

JollyGiraffe I'd love that to be the case but I think Flouncy's theory might be closer to the mark grin

Namethecat I definitely just concentrate on the company I'm in because I don't go out looking for men and I'd feel a bit ignorant looking about instead of concentrating on my friends. But I've never noticed my friend doing that either, but all of a sudden a man's there chatting to her and two minutes later they're kissing. Never once has even the chatting happened to me (I wouldn't fancy the kissing strangers). I need to find a way to give out more friendly vibes.

TrojansAreSmegheads Sun 03-Dec-17 18:24:58

body language maybe.

oldlaundbooth Sun 03-Dec-17 18:25:08

Do you smile and seem friendly?

Southerntimesx Sun 03-Dec-17 18:27:23

Julie honestly she isn't. We can just be having a drink together and all of a sudden a man's there chatting her up. The only time I've made a play for a man on a night out it was a success, but he was a friend of a friend so I was introduced to him. He was gorgeous and asked me for a drink the next week and for some unfathomable reason I turned him down. Still regret that!

NC4now Sun 03-Dec-17 18:29:40

Eye contact?

Southerntimesx Sun 03-Dec-17 18:32:45

I hope so old. I'm definitely smiling and laughing with my friends.

ChameNangerRanger Sun 03-Dec-17 18:33:04

Well.... you've said you wouldn't be up for snogging strangers on the night, she does do that. Maybe it comes across somehow that she's more 'up for it'?

Don't blame you for musing on it but I don't think you're doing things the wrong way at all. Do any of these 'pulls' work out well long term for her?

Southerntimesx Sun 03-Dec-17 18:33:49

Yeah, I never make eye contact because I never pay attention to who's my the room except who I'm with. Maybe she's making eye contact that I just don't notice.

Ttbb Sun 03-Dec-17 18:35:21

Most likely resting bitch face. I only get chatted up if I smile. It's a blessing really. Try smiling loads next time and see if it changes things.

Council Sun 03-Dec-17 18:36:33

IMO (which might be a bit rusty!) It's entirely to do with how much fun you appear to be having. When me and my friends were out on the pull, in the days when the evening ended with a slow dance, we'd stand there going "rhubarb rubarb rubarb" and laughing a lot. Worked without fail.

Southerntimesx Sun 03-Dec-17 18:36:34

Chame one of her town pulls ended up being a long term boyfriend and the one from last night has asked her out for a drink next week, so some of them seem to last longer than the one night. I'm 30 soon and beginning to worry I'll be single forever.

Nomoresugar Sun 03-Dec-17 18:42:05

I may be wrong but seems like she's giving off vibes and men are picking up on that.

Do you genuinely want to date or do you feel like it something you need to fulfill based on society's expectations to hook up all the time?

scrabbler3 Sun 03-Dec-17 18:43:43

If you're attractive + surly looking, most men will think they've no chance and won't bother to try. No one wants to risk a knockback.

KingLooieCatz Sun 03-Dec-17 18:46:52

I knew someone like that. Nice enough but not stunning looking, didn't particularly make an effort to dress up, not flirtatious or "come hithery" in the slightest. Always pulled. Absolutely never failed.

I have been chatted up on about 5 occasions in my entire life. I have had the odd fella chase me a bit, all since I've been married and they all knew it. What is going on?!

Viviennemary Sun 03-Dec-17 18:48:12

You must try and look as if you want to be chatted up. But I agree some women do see to get chatted up and asked out more than others. It must be horrible to be a man approach a woman in a friendly way only to be knocked back.

Southerntimesx Sun 03-Dec-17 18:48:48

Nomoresugar I've always been very happily single and I've got a friend I sleep with regularly and I've been happy with that, but just recently I've been thinking that it might be quite nice to be in a relationship again. I'm not particularly interested in picking someone up in town and having a one night stand because if it's just sex then I can get that from my friend, but I would like to meet someone to go out with.

On a slightly different note related to that one of my oldest friends (not the FWB one) asked me on a 'date' a few weeks ago. He's funny, clever and interesting and we get on brilliantly, but I just don't fancy him. I wish I did!

Serialweightwatcher Sun 03-Dec-17 18:49:57

No disrespect to your friend but maybe she looks willing for it to be a one night stand ... maybe you look a little more relationship material and they don't want one. In other words, these men aren't worth having and you'll find a proper, decent, lovely man soon when you least expect it flowers

TheHandmaidsTail Sun 03-Dec-17 18:50:23

I always used to "pull" when I was young and attractive but I was quite good at the whole eye contact, coy looking away rubbish. These days I'd probably just look as though I had something in my eye.

BaldricksTrousers Sun 03-Dec-17 18:50:32

I never got chatted up/flirted with until I lost a hell of a lot of weight through illness. Suddenly I had everyone telling me how great I looked, although I felt completely terrible most of the time.

Southerntimesx Sun 03-Dec-17 18:50:40

Exactly that King! She never, ever fails. I truly believe there's a secret she won't let me in on! grin

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