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AIBU?

To get really annoyed with DH for talking over me when I'm on the phone to someone?

57 replies

PaxUniversalis · 03/12/2017 16:38

(It's not the first time this has happened.) Today I made a telephone call to a friend who lives overseas. DH was in the same room as me and DH knows my friend. I was talking to my friend about possible holiday destinations for the summer and places to stay.
While I was speaking to her DH started talking over me and saying things like 'tell her to visit town X' or 'they should look for a hotel in the south not in the north', and 'email her a link to town Z '. Every time he said something I couldn't hear what my friend was saying. Also DH sometimes whispers things he thinks I should tell the person I'm talking to, but his whispering then gets so loud that it becomes intrusive. I find this sort of behaviour extremely irritating and rude! DH knows this but he can't stop himself from doing it anyway, even when I start gesturing furiously at him during the conversation. I mean, come on, he's in his late 50s not a teenager ffs.

I know the obvious solution is to make the phone call from a different room to where DH is - and I usually do - only not today (it's cold upstairs). Should have known better.

Anyway I just needed to get this off my chest and I was wondering if anyone else has a partner who does this?

OP posts:

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PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 09:33

Anyone?

OP posts:

Santasbigredbobblehat · 04/12/2017 09:34

No, but that sounds really annoying.

Could you sit upstairs?

WhitePhantom · 04/12/2017 09:36

Dh does this occasionally - on my god it's SO annoying!! I've more or less bet it out of him got him to stop, but he still does it now and again. It's so rude!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/12/2017 09:40

This annoys me too. I can’t concentrate when someone butts in. I don’t think the person butting in means to be rude though just that they think they’re being helpful making suggestions etc. Probably best to speak to DH before you start your phone call in future and tell him to be quiet or maybe go in another room.

Rainatnight · 04/12/2017 09:42

DP does it occasionally. Makes me really stabby. DF does it to DM a lot.

PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 09:46

Santasbigredbobblehat - yes, I could sit upstairs, only I didn't do it yesterday because it was quite cold upstairs and I was comfortable and feeling cosy in our living room. I think DH does this because he is used to being in charge at his work (he leads a team) and he likes to get 'involved' (i.e. commenting on the way I do some things). He sometimes turns into Basil Fawlty I'm afraid.

OP posts:

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 04/12/2017 09:53

Just tell him beforehand to please not butt in. Have you explained how annoying it is?

wasonthelist · 04/12/2017 09:56

Agree with GreatDuckCookery just tell him to stop it

KaliforniaDreamz · 04/12/2017 09:57

Next time he does this hand him the receiver and say "let me know when you're finished talking to my friend and then i'll have my turn." and go sharpen your knife... hehe

acornsandnuts · 04/12/2017 09:59

My DH did this on occasion. He said he forgets that when I’m not speaking on the phone that the other person is speaking

Thishatisnotmine · 04/12/2017 10:00

No solutions but dm does this. When talking to my dad he keeps saying "hang on your mum's saying something". Or if I am talking with her on the phone she will strike up a conversation with my dad next to her at the same time!

I just wanted to rant!

thecatsthecats · 04/12/2017 10:01

My mum does this. She still doesn't understand the concept of the person on the phone actually already being in a conversation.

BMW6 · 04/12/2017 10:06

Oh my DH does this too and it pisses me off big time.

PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 10:10

Oh I do tell him not to butt in but he doesn't always listen! Luckily he doesn't butt in when I'm making a work call (I work from home half of the time)! I do have my own home office/study upstairs but our house is old and the radiators upstairs don't throw out a lot of heat so I tend to work from the dining table during the winter months.
DH and I have a different way of doing things and I know he's trying to be 'helpful' but sometimes his helpfulness doesn't help!

OP posts:

OliviaTheFox · 04/12/2017 10:12

My DP does this. The other week I was taking about over due pregnancy with a friend and how upset and miserable I was. He actually took the phone off me to talk about her dishwasher. After wispering about it to me to ask her.
I was livid. Trying to get my thoughts and up set out and he’s wittering about a sodding dishwasher.

I feel for you. I try and remember that he can’t keep thoughts in his head. If he thinks it he needs to say it or he forgets it...

Ellendegeneres · 04/12/2017 10:16

My ds does this! I'm training him for his future partners. I hate it, drives me nuts. And why do we need to have a conversation about bloody paw patrols robodog when I'm on the phone, when you've had 4hours of me to yourself to discuss anything you like but have stayed quiet, only now you decide is the exact moment it must be discussed in depth??!!!
Sorry, I know yours was dh, but argh!

MummyInTheNecropolis · 04/12/2017 10:19

My dad does this to my mum and it drives me mad. I'll be having a conversation with mum then will hear dad in the background say "have you asked her about xyz?" Then my mum stops talking to me to answer dad's question and the 2 of them have a full blown conversation about me while I'm just sitting there on the end of the phone like a nob!

BlueTongueSkink · 04/12/2017 10:27

Both my parents do this CONSTANTLY. Whichever one I'm on the phone to, the other one is talking to them in the background the entire time. Then I'll talk to the other one and they'll do exactly the same. Sorry no advice but it's infuriating!

SeraphinaDombegh · 04/12/2017 10:38

I used to do this I agree with the pp who said that's it's because the interruptor forgets that when you're silent, the other person is talking. It really got on DH's nerves. Now I have a hand signal for if there's something I need to say and he'll ask the person on the other end to wait a sec. And I do it very very rarely!

Pearlsaringer · 04/12/2017 10:41

Always take calls to another room. If he follows you, say to caller: “Sorry, hang on, DH has just come in”. To DH “I’m on the phone, I’ll let you know when I’m done”. Big smile and do not resume call till he has left the room. Repeat.

PaxUniversalis · 04/12/2017 10:45

OliviaTheFox - I try and remember that he can’t keep thoughts in his head. If he thinks it he needs to say it or he forgets it...
DH cannot keep thoughts in his head either. Not because he would forget about them otherwise but he likes being 'vocal' and also 'helpful'. What he doesn't realise is that this has the opposite effect on me.

Another example is when I'm talking to a company like our bank or insurance provider and he'll shout things at me from his armchair, things I should ask or tell the company I'm talking to. As if I'm a complete idiot and I'd forget to ask!

OP posts:

UserShmuser · 04/12/2017 10:51

MIL does this. I get so annoyed when she does. When we were looking for/ buying our house and I was calling estate agents or solicitors she would follow me in to the other room and say "Make sure you ask this..." "Did you tell them that..." "Ask for this person they know me" We lived in their house, well more like their extension, for three months so couldn't really avoid her!

Then once we got our house and needed decorator/gardener/builder etc she would do the same and expect a full report of the conversation and then tell me what I should have really said.

It was exhausting!

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PostcodeJack · 04/12/2017 11:01

My OH does this. Drives me batty. Now I just hand over the phone (cue him gesturing wildly that he doesn't want to talk to (insert name)) and leave the room, leaving him to it.

Since he's not big on actual phone calls (just butting in whilst I'm having one) I'm finding he's doing it much less.

If I know it's someone who will tie him up on the phone for ages, I'll often make another call from the other phone so he can't hand the phone back to me to get out of talking to them.

KingLear · 04/12/2017 11:09

DH does it...asks me where stuff is and reminds me of things I need to do which are not even related to the call!!
I agree, it's very annoying

Frouby · 04/12/2017 11:15

Dp does this. Usually when I am ordering takeaway. He says things like don't forget such and such or changes his order.

I started just passing him the phone and giving him a hard stare.

He hates talking to service providers like banks and utility companies too and sits there chuntering away while I am speaking. It makes me want to beat him around the head with something.

Ds who is almost 4 always interrupts when I am on the phone too. And sometimes even the dog gets in on the act and wants to gp out or fresh water or something.

And they all wonder why I gave up my business which relied on being able to speak on the phone without interruptions. Set of fuckers.

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