AIBU to change the rules(14 Posts)
I woke up this morning and started getting on with Sunday (laundry, tidying etc). I’ve had a hacking cough for weeks so I’m not on top form.
Anyway DH went to work informing me he was going out after. DS got up and insisted I found his slippers. DM called and demanded to know when we’d be round, didnt even say hello.
Roughly an hour later I completely flipped. Refused to be treated like the downstairs maid. I’ve said they can decide amongst themselves how to make things better.
AIBU to change the rules of all my close relationships all of a sudden? I’m really easy going and accommodating usually. Basically I want an easy life and to keep everyone happy. I’m happy to be the one that keeps the wheels turning. Right now I’m going for a new career that will mean a massive improvement in quality of life. I’m also at the end of my tether with my health and trying to find a sympathies gp (could be a thread on its own).
I don’t know what happened today but I’m seriously considering a 2 bed flat for me and ds in another city if they don’t come back with some answers.
Did you have plans to see your dm today? If so I don't think she was bu trying to find out when you thought you'd be round so that she didn't have to give up her whole day sitting around waiting..
YANBU. In all seriousness though, change has to come from you too- you do your son no favours by fulfilling his every command. If you ever want him to be a competent adult he needs to learn to find his own slippers (I'm presuming he's not four years old or similar).
You can make any changes at whatever speed you like.
Though I have little sympathy for not telling your mum when you are coming round. How rude and lacking in respect for HER plans.
I was planing on seeing dm but o answered the phone and all she said was “when are you coming?” No hello or anything. And when I said that I thought we said after lunch she said “now is better for me” and hung up. I hadn’t finished speaking.
I'm having the exact thoughts about my household. Things are going to have to change here too. No one takes me seriously at all though. I'll be watching for advice.
Ds is 8 and will generally try and be as lazy as possible. It’s not sweet anymore, if he talks to me like that who knows what else he thinks is ok.
Just have you tried taking to them? Serious question. When I’ve spoken to DH it’s like he’s lives in a different house to me. And I spoke to Dm about feeling under incredible pressure and a week later she was explaining to me how to do a quick load on the washing machine, thinking she’d solved all my problems.
For your dh - when he announces he's going out after work, ask him who he has arranged to look after his son. He shouldn't presume that you are available and happy to do it. And as for laundry etc - list what needs doing and divide it up so you both get equal free time. If he is not prepared to be jointly responsible with you for children and house, start thinking about what he does bring to the relationship.
Your mum - text her. Tell her she was rude and you won't be visiting today.
Your son - plenty of time to train him to be a human being. Now is always a great time to start
It’s the obvious lack of gratitude that got me today I think. I’m not a martyr or in it for the glory. But it’s gone too far the other way.
I can’t blow up my family because of this. But I’ve still heard nothing and I am this close to packing a bag. Mine or DH’s i don’t know
Well ds has redeemed himself. Made his own tea, made me a cup of tea and generally been sucking up. He was never really the problem. And he gets why I was angry.
Hoping to get a few more responses though. I’m still seething and can see the house on the market pretty soon.
Yes I've tried talking to them but it's like I'm talking marsian. They just don't see what I'm seeing. The problem is with dp and dd. My dad/sis are fine It's just these two. Dp works away all week but for the last 2 weekends he's not so much as put a dish in the dishwasher. He's great at telling me how to make lists, cleaning rotas and how to do things better but doesnt actually do anything. Or he'll clean 1 thing e.g. floors in dining room 3 weeks ago, wants a medal and thinks it excuses all further duties for the foreseeable. I don't know whether to go on strike, chuck both their messes in their bedrooms (I'll dump dp's on his side of the bed). I need ideas. My plan at the moment is that after xmas I'll make it clear I expect them both to pick up after themselves, e.g. shoes coats just chucked about, put pots in dishwasher, not just on the side, rubbish in bins not left hanging about or on plates in the kitchen, clean the kitchen up after each use, dp can do 1 bed time at weekend, whoever cooks (always me) doesn't clean the kitchen after. But what do I do when they ignore me and just carry on? I just can't sit in the mess. It stresses me out. It's not even the lack of gratitude. It's that they completely justly don't seem to see what I'm doing. He knew I was pissed off yesterday but it didn't get him off his arse to do anything. I know they won't listen so what then. I can't be arsed with the rows, mess so I just carry on.
Oh god sorry that's long. I'm ranting.
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