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Do I drop her?

(10 Posts)
fluffysheep78 Sun 03-Dec-17 00:31:13

Without outing too much. My work place had had a bit of a reorganisation. So a new department was created and I applied for a move and so did a colleague I’ve known around 10 years.

Would have sent the odd txt outside work hours. I had a horrendous breakup with my EXH, and she began ringing me to check I was ok etc, I thought yeah she was just being friendly. Then she had a really shit relationship end so I supported her through that too. We don’t socialise outside work whatsoever.

I now find she is ringing me every single night to moan/ complain about work. It’s really getting me down . Tbh I don’t give a fuck about all the changes. I go into work do my job and go home. I’m not paid enough to worry about this rule or legalisation.

She rang me at 10.30 one night to tell me our bosses reaction when she had told him a funny story hmm

I’ve taken to putting my phone on airplane mode at night with WiFi on so the calls can’t come through because I literally can’t deal with her anymore. I’m so not a confrontational person, but I really would like to tell her to fuck right off!!!

Does anyone else phone their work mates each and every single night to complain about Work?

disneydatknee Sun 03-Dec-17 00:39:27

Sounds like a really strange working relationship. I personally would stop picking up the phone. You don’t seem to be good friends, she just uses you to offload and you arnt feeling it. Try to keep contact outside work minimal. This would piss me right off, and I’m always “that person” who people come to with their problems.

fluffysheep78 Sun 03-Dec-17 00:41:55

That’s the thing, I always pick up the phone incase something is really wrong incase she needs a listening ear etc. But 99% of the time it’s to moan about work.

AgentZigzag Sun 03-Dec-17 01:16:29

'It’s really getting me down .'

That's all that you need to take into account, you don't need permission to stop her having constant access to you every night (although if it helps I'll give you permission on behalf of MN (yes, every single MNetter, they'd all agree lol)).

It's your phone, you don't have to answer it or feel guilty if you decide not to.

Can you set it to 'no ringtone' for her number if you don't feel able to block her completely? Then just delete any messages etc that come in?

She sounds lonely (and needy as a result of that) but that's not your responsibility.

Maybe telling her to fuck off might be a bit of a sledgehammer, but it's OK to play it out in your head grin just stop responding. Some might think that's harsh and she deserves an explanation, but you don't owe her anything, she's just a work colleague! Why kick up even more shit for yourself spelling it out to her?

holeinmyheart Sun 03-Dec-17 07:17:42

I have a friend who calls me regularily and it's as though she is stuck to the phone. I dread her calling as she goes on and on talking about herself. I know roughly when she might phone and I have a answer phone and caller recognition so I don't answer or call back. She doesn't get the hint,
Be warned, those who yap for hours!!! The sound of your voice may be only be lovely to you.
I also use ' I will let you go now as I am sure you are busy ' that is quite a good 'get out' as they can't really deny they are busy. Or the door bell has rang etc. 'Must go'
She is lonely, but you are not a Social Worker.

Chrys2017 Sun 03-Dec-17 08:03:22

It sounds like she's just using you as a vessel for venting her frustrations. I have had 'friends' like that in the past—stop answering and she'll soon get the message.

daisychain01 Sun 03-Dec-17 08:36:31

Awww AgentZigzag I just came on here to give fluffysheep my blessing to tell BoringColleague to sling 'er hook and you'd already done it for me.

OP, go for it - get shot of the situation before it drags you down wth her droning on and on and on, and not letting anyone get a word in edgeways and starts forming at the mouth until she falls over backwards. Oops sorry I lapsed into a bit of Monty Python there.

I second the fuckoff sledgehammer approach it gets the job done a lot quicker

arethereanyleftatall Sun 03-Dec-17 08:41:06

Just don't answer the phone.

AgentZigzag Sun 03-Dec-17 11:56:37

Well, I just knew you to be a rational and eminently sensible poster daisy who wouldn't mind me hoiking on your behalf wink

With the sledgehammer approach, I would be worried whether it might affect fluffy at work if the woman starts mouthing off about her to other people/her boss. (although ignoring is more of a long game and fluff does sound as though she's on the brink of nuclear meltdown, so something's going to have to give maybe)

I was thinking that it'd be much easier to brush off questions about why she doesn't answer her phone (not that she needs to, like) than trying to justify why she told her that she'd rather stick hot pins in her eyes than spend one more second listening to her daily complaints?

daisychain01 Sun 03-Dec-17 12:18:34

Well, you are very right about having to be more measured, Agent, A degree of subtle tact and diplomacy is always a better way forward (perhaps my FO approach was figurative speech rather than the reality!). I hope it works with someone who seems to lack the boundaries.

And Ive never told anyone to FO in rl or even on here so I need to retract my above jest grin

Nothing quite like a 'proxy-hoik', very therapeutic lol.

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