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AIBU to bring Christmas to my house?

(123 Posts)
Santasjinglebelle Sat 02-Dec-17 08:49:04

My DH made plans with his brother last year for all of us to spend Christmas together at his. We usually alternate between hubby' s (very welcoming and great hostess) sister and my parents but BIL insisted it was 'his turn'. SIL used to be lovely but has gradually cooled as she and BIL have become better and better off.

3 months ago BIL confirmed the arrangements so DH booked us into a lovely boutique hotel on the same street as BIL's house for 4 nights. DH's sister and her family were going to stay in BIL's home because that's they only way they could afford the trip.

BIL left a message for hubby on Monday asking how much time did we think we'd be spending at his over the 3 days...... Several conversations (apparently with SIL 'coaching' in the back ground) have brought us to the realisation that they've made other plans and only want us there on Christmas morning. (They'll be going out in the evening).

DH's sister can't really afford to stay in a hotel but is considering splashing out on a cheaper room in the vincinity so that we can all be together at BIL's on Christmas morning.

I however feel like we're not wanted and don't fancy spending a crazy amount of money on this trip anymore.

Our room was booked with a credit card, non refundable - but payment not yet taken. I still have receipts for all the gifts. WIBU to cancel the credit card, return the presents and invite hubby's sister and her family to our home for this Christmas?

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood Sat 02-Dec-17 08:54:33

So BIL insisted on hosting, and with three weeks to go is trying to back out? Nice.

I’d not cancel the hotel without agreeing it with the hotel, as the hotel could still chase you for the cash, but call them and try to rearrange dates for another time.

And then I’d invite nice sister over for Xmas.

HuskyMcClusky Sat 02-Dec-17 08:57:45

How far away are they from you?

That would make the difference for me re: whether it’s worth going for a couple of nights instead of 4.

HuskyMcClusky Sat 02-Dec-17 08:58:39

Oh, hang on - when you say ‘Christmas morning’, are they at least hosting Xmas lunch??

HuskyMcClusky Sat 02-Dec-17 08:59:22

(As in, Christmas dinner/ main meal, you know what I mean...)

Santasjinglebelle Sat 02-Dec-17 09:23:00

On the booking it's really clear that's it's on a non- refundable basis (why dh did this I don't know, especially when sil has form for being less the welcoming).

We can't afford to lose the money but don't want to throw good money after bad iykwim.

Santasjinglebelle Sat 02-Dec-17 09:25:38

At husky, we're welcome to come in the morning but 'might want to have breakfast first'

Santasjinglebelle Sat 02-Dec-17 09:26:59

We'd have Christmas dinner together, hand out gifts and then leave so that they can prepare for an evening event

Santasjinglebelle Sat 02-Dec-17 09:28:31

It's about 7 hours drive from us and 8 for the nice sil

GoEasyPudding Sat 02-Dec-17 09:28:50

I think you have no other option. They have in effect, cancelled.

AlternativeTentacle Sat 02-Dec-17 09:30:20

Good grief, yes cancel.

Undisputed56 Sat 02-Dec-17 09:32:18

I’d say that seeing as they are changing the plans relatively last minute and assuming they knew you’d booked the hotel already- that they should cover the cost for you. It’s a long way to travel for Christmas lunch, was obviously worth the journey when you thought you’d be spending a number of days together but I wouldn’t want to be going all that way and back for a few hours

Mouikey Sat 02-Dec-17 09:33:19

Do at the last minute they have told you (in not so direct way) that they have had a better offer! Nice...

I wouldn’t want so share my time with them at all, I’d contact the hotel as they may have others who want a room and if they do host at home.

In the meantime I’d get DH to ask why the plans had changed given that BiL was aware that you had booked 4 nights at the hotel and what they were expecting you to do the rest of Christmas Day? I would be so bold because I think they are being super rude and expect you to roll over and take it (because generally we don’t want to cause a scene).

Asked them outright! Given that they are putting a line in the sand regarding your relationship I don’t feel you have anything to lose.

user1493413286 Sat 02-Dec-17 09:34:33

If people are coming from far away and staying locally when you’re hosting I’d expect to provide Christmas Eve dinner, breakfast and dinner on Christmas Day and something before everyone sets off on Boxing Day. We also have a special breakfast Christmas morning so I’d invite people to that. I really don’t understand how your bil and sil can think that it’s ok to invite you all to visit then not even have you there all day Christmas Day.
I wouldn’t want to spend it with them but I’m not sure where you stand on the hotel and if you’d get away with that

choppolata Sat 02-Dec-17 09:35:52

Wow, that is really rude! So you're up the road for 3 days and only allowed to visit for one morning? I bet they'll shoo youbout of the door as soon as the last bit of pudding's been eaten. Perhaps some of their important friends can take over your hotel booking?

Jinglebells99 Sat 02-Dec-17 09:36:32

Your dh booked it that way because it was probably a cheaper rate. How annoying. I think they would chase you for the money. Does your BIL know you had booked a hotel in his street?! I think I'd speak to BIL and if the invite has been rescinded then I'd invite SIL to yours. I'd contact the hotel to see if I could change the date too. They might be nice :/ I wouldn't just cancel the credit card and not turn up as the hotel have accepted your booking in good faith. I'd assume I'd lost the money on the hotel to be honest.

noenergy Sat 02-Dec-17 09:37:30

Horrible behaviour on their part, knowing that you had booked a hotel. Get them to reimburse u. Travelling that far and being received with hostility, no way. They shouldn't be organising other things for the evening, they should b spending it with u.

Speak to the hotel.

Have Xmas with your SIL and parents.

FanDabbyFloozy Sat 02-Dec-17 09:38:02

Has your husband told his brother that this is unacceptable?

I think families allow things to go unsaid and then seethe for years, rather than pointing out that they have been totally and utterly out of order.

Cancel and stay at home with the lovely sister. I'd never include the NIL again.

choppolata Sat 02-Dec-17 09:38:18

Oh and definitely return the presents to offset the hotel cost!

JellyBabiesSaveLives Sat 02-Dec-17 09:38:55

Or you could turn up early and help yourself to breakfast like locusts and then sit around on your bums asking for more cups of tea, then enjoy being waited on through dinner. Hand out gifts (having replaced theirs with extremely cheap token things) and then continue to sit on your bums. "Oh you get ready for your party, we thought we'd stay here with nice SIL, so much better than sitting in a hotel room".

And then "just pop round" good and early the next morning.

ThePinkOcelot Sat 02-Dec-17 09:39:44

I would cancel full stop! What would you do for the other days, stay holed up in your hotel room?! I’d rather be st home personally.

JellyBabiesSaveLives Sat 02-Dec-17 09:41:53

Just enjoying the thought of being brass-necked and spoiling their plans.

Yes, try to cancel the hotel and if not, ask BIL for the money. And let them know how rude they've been.

MyKidAreTakingMySanity Sat 02-Dec-17 09:42:36

God yes cancel! It's crazy to think that you should be expected to pay presumably hundreds of pounds in order to spend a couple of hours with family and 3 and a half days sitting in a hotel!
Call the hotel immediately and beg them to allow cancellation without charge or at least at a reduced rate seeing that they will be able to re let the rooms. Give em a good sob story if you must. Perhaps a family financial crisis just before Christmas.

Get a refund on the Christmas gifts too. It it extremely rude of BIL and SIL to invite you to theirs for the festive period then effectively trap you 8 hours from home but not host your visit for more than a few hours. And let them know why you're not attending. If you can get nice SIL to cancel and come to yours then all the better.

Chrys2017 Sat 02-Dec-17 09:45:33

Don't go; return the presents; see if you can get out of the hotel but be prepared to lose that money.
In any case you won't be financially worse off as you'll be returning the gifts.
I wouldn't ask them to reimburse you though.

LagunaBubbles Sat 02-Dec-17 09:46:38

You would be mad to go all that way for this. Your DH has to tell his brother this today. They have changed the goalposts, not you. Who does this? "Might want to have breakfast first"??....fuck that.

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